Ace Audio: "Scatman (Ski-Ba-Bop-Ba-Dop-Bop)" - Scatman John

There are two decades that have some of the weirdest music, the first and obvious is the 1980s, I have done a marathon of 1980s songs and still did not cover some of the weirder songs. The next is the 1990s, although this was more for different reasons than the 1980s. Weird in the 1990s was more the odd one-off hits that were popular for a while but faded as the time went by, see the Latin dance craze for more proof of that. To put this in perspective, in 1996 the number one hit song of the year was "Macarena", it beat out "One Sweet Day" at #2, "You Oughta Know" at #29, and "1979" at #44. Actually, it was a remix that topped the charts, the actual "Macarena" only made #98, six spots below "Until it Sleeps" by Metallica. The 90s were weird, and in the midst of Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer, and Hanson, is it any wonder that this is one of the better decades for music? Yeah, there was garbage, but there was Grunge, Heavy Metal became more experimental giving us Marilyn Manson and Rammstein, Daft Punk released Homework, also we got Garbage, and we also got this song, which is one of the best songs released in the 1990s.

This is a Hip-hop, Dance Pop song sung mostly in Scat, only in the 90s right? For those who don't know, Scat is a singing style that is mostly nonsensical and random syllables and improvised melodies. Scat has a long history, dating back to Louis Armstrong and Cab Calloway if not further. But don't worry, if that still confuses you, the song itself starts with a good portion of it.

Even though the opening is Scat, as is a lot of the song, the song itself is not A Capella, there is a synth riff in there and it sounds great. You know "Axel F", well the synth is kind of like that in sound, as in the sound of the synth itself, the actual synth beats are different, but are still energetic and upbeat. The drums in the background also keep a nice discernible rhythm and the Scat singing is actually really catchy. If you want to make a dance song, this is a good song to learn how to do openings.

The song really kicks in around the 21 second mark, and this is where the song becomes really difficult to talk about, since a large portion of the instrumentals are Scat singing, and it is already difficult to describe instrumentals in the first place, this becomes an extra challenge. However, to put this simply, the Scat singing changes in beats and tone and becomes even more upbeat than before, and catchier as well.

Now the lyrics kick in, and if the song itself wasn't awesome before, well it's definitely awesome now. You see, Scatman John was a stutterer, think The King's Speech if that helps. However, singing actually takes place in a different part of the brain from normal talking, so this did not really have much negative effects on his career, and the Scat singing may have actually helped his career. I bring this up because, one, it is amazing to know, and two the first actual lyrical verse is well... "Everybody stutters one way or the other /So check out my message to you /As a matter of fact, I don't let nothin' hold you back /If the Scatman can do it, so can you".

You remember what I said in my "Johnny B. Goode" review, where I said that even though the song had one set of lyrics that meant one thing, the song itself could actually become kind of inspiring? It's kind of the same for this song, it's pretty much saying, "I can do this, so can you", and it is really encouraging.

There are other lyrics, but honestly, I don't think I could explain them if I tried, so I'm not going to bother, which is good because it will let you come to your own conclusions about the song.

Of course, between each bit of the lyrics we get some more really upbeat and really catchy Scat singing and damn does this become one of the most energetic songs ever, seriously this could easily make my list of best party songs.

Honestly, I think that is all I can really say about this song. It's funky, fun and oh so catchy. I seriously mean it, you will be humming the beat to this song after you hear it, it's that catchy. On top of that the instrumentals themselves add to the upbeat tone of the song, and the vocals are solid, not the smoothest, but they are rather nice.

Well, I think next time I'm going to look at a classic, I'm the Entity of Darkness and keep watch, next time I'm thinking about Boston.

Auditory Abominations: "One More Try" - Timmy T

What the Hell is this?

Well, this was a number one hit from 1991, I'll repeat, this song was a Number One in 1991, the same year "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)" defiled our ears. Being honest here, when people talk about music from early decades, most of the time it's the same as the final years of a previous decade. The only exceptions being the 1970s when the psychedelic era died down, and the 1990s where 1991 was kind of a strange point in music history. I mean, it's like 1989, but not really. I can't imagine songs like "Black or White", "Enter Sandman" or "I Touch Myself" in 1989, but then again it isn't hard to hear a song like "Losing my Religion" in 1989 either. 1991 was kind of a strange point in music history alongside 1982, 1976 and 2012.

This is one of the stranger songs, not because of the song itself but because it got popular enough to top the pop charts, and became the fifth biggest song of 1991. To give you some perspective, Mariah Carey had four charting songs that year, all of them charted lower than this. "Silent Lucidity" was also a chart hitter, landing the number 82 position, even EMF charted just below this song, at number six. This must have been a very good song to become that successful, or so you'd think. The most likely scenario is that this was just another case of a song that was very lucky to get as much airplay as it did, similar to the previously reviewed "Nothing's Gonna Change my Love for You".

The song opens with a preset synth riff, and it has the drum machine and this weird bass thing that sounds artificial mixed in. The synth itself could probably cause a headache, but the other stuff thrown in makes it extra annoying. If this qualifies as "Easy Listening" than I would also include a song like "Raining Blood" in there because that song is easier to listen to than this. Actually, can't I just do a blog about Slayer?

...No, I'm going to be hitting my Heavy Metal quota for the month quickly so probably not.

Anyway, after fifteen seconds of the annoying instrumentals, which feels like an eternity by the way, we get Timmy T here to sing the first line. You know, is it wrong to think of Timmy Turner whenever I hear that name? Maybe he actually wished that he had the voice of the blandest man in the world. Seriously, Peter Cetera has nothing on Timmy T, on blandness alone, he may be the worst vocalist in music, I don't even know if that is his actual voice or if it's auto-tuned. Honestly neither would surprise me.

The instrumentals just drone on, but the only reason the vocals don't is because they don't actually reach the level of drone on that I'm used to. There are speedy singers, then there are the normal singers, than there is this song, then there is "San Francisco", and finally there is "I Hate U, I Love U".

The we have the lyrics, and I will give Timmy T this, he is clear enough that I can hear every single clichéd apology word he sings. "Untitled" is the most clichéd song I've ever heard, but this takes a clear second place. Most of the lyrics are things that anybody would say to a loved one trying to win them back. "I didn't mean it", "It's been a long time since I held you", honestly it's just kind of pathetic.

Well, let's look at the chorus, and see if it offers anymore lyrical depth than the actual verses. Or the first chorus will start pretty much out of nowhere and still offer about as much lyrical depth as a puddle. Actually, a puddle is far more interesting than this.

This song sounds like a left-over from the 1970s, but this was from 1991. It may actually be the worst song from 1991, sure "Everything I Do (I Do it For You)" is more unbearable, but in terms of technicals and any entertainment, that song feels like Queen compared to this. The vocals are bland, the instrumentals are annoying and bland, the lyrics are clichéd and bland, and the whole song is one of the worst break up songs I have ever heard.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and next time is... another break up song. If it is anything as bad as this song, I'm going to snap.

Auditory Abominations: "Bawitdaba" - Kid Rock

I am digging up the oddest things this time around aren't I? Seriously, what kind of song is named after nonsense? ...Does "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" need to be acquainted with this? ...That's what I thought.

So anyway, Kid Rock, or as he introduces himself KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID KID ROCK! yeah, what a strange creation he is, a redneck rockstar cowboy pimp rapper, or at least that is what he likes to parade himself around as. I don't really have a whole lot of thoughts on Kid Rock, I try to avoid listening to music I don't like whenever possible, but this proves that I can't avoid everything forever, so here we go. I'm going with this song because it was the first song on the album that made him big, so why not?

For some reason, this song begins with build-up, or maybe it's just the video. Yeah, thing about YouTube again is, sometimes you get "bonuses" for selecting a video, like an actual music video that plays like a mini movie or something like what Weezer did with "Buddy Holly", the fact that I just mentioned a Disney song and a Weezer song within three paragraphs of a Kid Rock review is sad.

Anyway, the song actually begins with Kid Rock introducing himself as, that up there ^ and giving us the only part of the song we will remember. I can't believe I'm doing this, but I looked up the lyrics to this song, crazy I know. Yeah, the opening lyrics we are given pretty much nonsense, "Bawtidaba da bang, da bang diggy diggy diggy/ Diggy, shake the boogie, said up jump the boogie".
Yeah, that is uh, a group of lyrics or something, but oh well, let's see the actual song.

"And this is for the questions that don't have an answer/The midnight glancers, and the topless dancers/The can of freaks, cars packed with speakers/The G's with the forty's and the chicks with beepers".

Alright, maybe I'm missing something, but so far it sounds as though this is both a shout out track and a call out track. A shout out track is basically a song that is a shout out to someone or a group of people usually people who inspired the writer or artist, a call out track is essentially the opposite of that. Hold on, let's go to the glorious interwebs to find what this song is actually about, I'm am researching deep meaning of a Kid Rock song, what has my life become?

Okay, this is apparently a Mosh Pit anthem. Yeah, you know forget the glorious "Ten thousand Fists" this is all you need to get into a mosh pit. Especially one with topless moshers, oh wait shirtless dudes, right. Unless he actually meant strippers, I'm confused again.

Yeah, if this is supposed to be a mosh pit anthem, then the first group of lyrics are basically just shout outs to hookers and meth. So, you know, it has that going for it?

We get another chorus, and seriously, if you want your chorus to be nonsense, at least have your nonsense make some kind of sense. I get that "Bawitdaba" somehow gets people pumped, but then again so does "Break Stuff" and we all know how well that song works. Seriously, what does "Bawitdaba" supposed to even be? "Bawitdaba da bang da bang diggy diggy diggy/Shake the boogie said up jump the boogie"?

We get one more lyrical group of call outs or shout outs (honestly I don't know which), and apparently D.B. Cooper is in the crowd. Either that or he just had to write in one infamous criminal and Charles Manson just wasn't iconic enough.

After this, we get an okay instrumental solo. It has the guitar just being played and it doesn't sound awful, even the snippets of the other instruments being played sound okay. This should have been the opening, not the cheap build-up crap. It is however, ruined by one thing, a stupid vocal sample being played over it, it is under the instrumentals, but it is kind of annoying. Then we get one final chorus, and I'm suddenly realizing that I wasted three minutes on a Kid Rock song.

Yeah, this isn't the worst song I covered, but I do think it's one of the worst. It's just lyrical trite, I don't even think anybody was sober when it was written. Honestly, everything else about the track is alright, the instrumentals and vocals work, but the lyrics are this songs biggest failure. And what even is "Bawtidaba" supposed to even mean? I've said nonsense and made-up words but I at least prescribed meaning to them.

Really though, there is just one thing I can say about this song that sums up all of my thoughts.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and next time I don't think I'll have to use so many more pictures.

Auditory Abominations: "Glycerine" - Bush

You know how music nerds like myself say that the 90s died with Kurt Cobain? Well, the issue was that even though the grunge scene was starting to die at that point, many bands were still kicking and trying to keep the scene moving. Some bands like Pearl Jam, ditched the sound and tried new things, after all "Jeremy" sounds nothing like "Do The Evolution". Soundgarden broke up in '97, but reunited in 2010 so there isn't entirely bad news. Layne Staley of Alice in Chains had substance abuse issues, causing the band to be inactive up to his death in 2002, they are still around though, and Stone Temple Pilots were going strong until 2013 when they kicked Scott Weiland out and replaced him Chester Bennington, which does not sound like a good replacement at all. Oh yeah, Scott Weiland also passed away in 2015 so yeah, the grunge genre is not the most long lasting genre is what I am saying. The only two bands of the bunch that are still around are Pearl Jam and Soundgarden, oh and I guess Bush too.

I'm going to admit, I'm not the biggest fan of Bush, because listening to their early stuff is not to dissimilar to listening to a slower, sludgier Nine Inch Nails and their newer stuff is not very interesting. So, forgive if I seem to be stepping in hot water right now, but I was really struggling to find songs to do for this blog and I think I should go into a song that I don't like, that I think the majority of people do enjoy, again.

The opening instrumentals are sludgy, not terrible but very slow and messy. It does create an interesting sound, but I can get a similar and better sound from "Alive". For some odd reason, the instrumentals are louder than the opening vocals, which causes a lot of them to be lost in a sea of noise. It also doesn't help at all that the vocals are practically mumbled through the opening verse.

Gavin Rosedale, for some reason, practically whispers in the opening, which combined with his near mumbling, makes him nearly inaudible, you can hear what he is saying, but just barely. He does pick up his voice, and being fair, he doesn't have terrible vocals, these just sound tired.

That is until the chorus though, which I don't get. "Don't let the days go by/ Glycerin", glycerine, or glycerol, is a polyol compound, what does it have to do with this? You may as well sing "Don't let the days go by/ Birthday cake" and it makes about as much sense, or maybe I'm missing something. Let's check the lyrics.

Okay, "If I treated you bad/ You bruise my face/ Couldn't love you more/ You got a beautiful taste" is, he addicted to some glycerol-based substance? because if he is than this song makes perfect sense, but if he isn't and this is just a love song, than it makes less than no sense.

Lyrics aside, the song itself is also very boring, the combination of Gavin's vocals and these instrumentals are tiring and dull. Even when the song picks up, with a slightly louder guitar and Gavin sounding like he's suffering constipation, it only lasts a couple seconds, and the songs just kind of ends with, an orchestra? Well, that's strange and out of place.

I guess the song hasn't aged very well, and if that is the case it is a more interesting specimen of out-dated... ness than "We Built this City", granted that one is a much worse song, but this had more problems than it being predominantly outdated. I don't like the droning nature of this song, I don't particularly enjoy the vocal performance and I don't get why he is just dropping "Glycerin" on us like Scott Stapp screaming "SEX" randomly.

I'm the Dark Entity and, since I talk about a song I dislike that everyone else likes, I'll talk about a song I like that a lot of people dislike.

Auditory Abominations: "Bananaphone" - Raffi

Is it seriously too late to start regretting?

Oh boy, a children's song that I have to cover. So now I not only have to explain why kids deserve better, but why most children's songs suck. I think the main problem is that they have absolutely no appeal to anybody who has grown passed the age of five, maybe six. I mean I do enjoy my fair share of simple songs, but a lot of these are beyond simple, and I get it, children and very young children on top of that, so obviously they won't have any appeal to people outside of that demographic, and even though some would say that they should, Suicide Silence released an album where they tried to appeal to people outside of their genre, and I'll get to that soon, but first "Bananaphone", which by the way should be two words and not one, and no I am not misspelling it myself, it is a literal Google search.

I understand that this is a children's song first and foremost, however, I hate when people use that as an excuse to pretty much say "You can't criticize this", because here is the thing, Avatar the Last Airbender, SpongeBob Square Pants, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Animaniacs all of those things were made for kids, and all of them are amazing. Just because something is for kids doesn't mean it can't be criticized, if that were the case than we wouldn't have those amazing cartoons. However, what makes those shows amazing kids shows is that they also appeal to adults, the people who watch these things with there children. This is the happy balance that people often miss, you don't just have to entertain the children, you have to also entertain the adults. Which is the first problem with this song right off the bat.

This is song might be good and fun for young children, but for anybody else, it gets grating fast. It's funny to hear Raffi sing the opening bit once, but after that you start to realize what you're listening to. I didn't grow up with this song, so I don't have the nostalgic immunity from it, but I can tell you that a lot of the songs I listened to as a child, still hold up. I re-watched a VeggieTales special on their Silly Songs, and I enjoyed all of the ones they presented.

The problem with this song is prevalent in the first couple seconds, it opens with just a bunch of random noises that you use to entertain babies. The first ten seconds of this song already feel like the equivalent of waving your keys in front of an infant's face. Look, shiny!

Although Raffi is a good singer, which actually makes this one double hard since I criticizing children's music from a guy who seems to be genuinely nice, but the novelty of hearing "Ring-ring-ring Banana Phone" wears off after the first time it's heard. It doesn't help at all that this is the majority of the lyrics, alongside other "humorous" ways of saying the same thing, see, he changed the lyrics to Ping-pong-ping "Panana" phone, isn't that humorous? I can't believe I'm saying this but, um... Richard Cheese, you know that guy who I criticized in the past for not being humorous with his covers and expecting the novelty of lounge jazz covers of heavy metal to be humorous enough to sustain a career, you know that guy? Well, his cover of "Chop Suey!" A song from one of my favourite bands of all time, is a funnier song than this.

We do get a decent instrumental solo, and since I'm on positives, the instrumentals themselves are good, I mean they are upbeat and would make any child jump around, but I feel as though this song would lose it's ap-peel to anybody over the age of five.

What also makes this worse is the lyrical content, I mean it starts off amusing with some old, but still clever wordplay, then it gets a little to complicated for a children's song. Not that I'm saying that we should talk down to children, hell no, but I doubt children will understand the words "Cellular, modular, interactivodular", I mean I read Dr. Seuss as a child, but just because I could read big words too (like Constantinople and Timbuktu) did not mean I understood them.

The song ends with more wordplay which may or may not entertain a child, I don't know it depends on the child because around the age I would have been listening to this song, I was watching Looney Tunes and waiting for the Coyote to get squished by his next failed attempt to catch the roadrunner, it wasn't until later that I really started to get into wordplay.

This, is not a terrible song, and I guess it's fine for little kids, which was the intent. However, the novelty wares off quickly and if you're a parent or older sibling and have to heard this song on repeat over and over again, I'm sorry. Really, there are worse songs to have your kids listen to, I would much sooner take this over "Mr. Blobby" any day of the week, but this song is only for the really little kids, and that is probably it's biggest issue.

If your kid wants to hear this song, go ahead, but don't teach them how the repeat button works.

I'm the Dark Entity and I think it's weird how in a review of a children's song, I talk about a grindore band... I am such a musical nerd.

Auditory Abominations: "Mr. Blobby" - Mr. Blobby

What do we have here? Well, what we have is what is considered to be one of the worst songs ever recorded, and considering the crap I looked at, that is saying quite a bit.

But what is this song? Who made it? And where did it come from? Well, I can answer all of those questions. This song is a novelty hit from Britain, the country that on one end gave us The Beatles and Queen, the other end gave us The Incredible String Band and The Proclaimers, and another part of it gave us Bullet for my Valentine. More specifically, this came from England, the actual country you think when you think of Britain, even though... Right this is a music blog not a geography blog, my apologies. Anyway, the song is by the fictional character Mr. Blobby, from Noel's House Party, a family show from the 1990s I think. The character was hated by pretty much everybody, from the audience to the critics to the creators of the show in general, so you know, what could possibly go wrong right? Give a character that nobody likes a musical career, give George Lucas credit, Jar Jar Binks wasn't given a Hip-hop career.

The problems with this song begin with the farting instrumentals and obnoxious synth sounds. Oh boy, the problems with those, well first they never end, second they are obnoxious on their own, nobody likes the sound of a fart, and synth pop was left behind with the keytar and He-man in the 1980s, and this song was released in 1993, you know what else came out of '93? A little known song called "C.R.E.A.M.", that song was also released before this one, in January, where this was released in November, NOVEMBER! by that time you would have realized that this was a horrible idea. Third, they never end. Fourth, when they add in a drum beat it sounds about as real as the drumming to a Katy Perry song, U.S.S. has more convincing percussion sounds, and they don't even have a drummer. Finally, they never f*cking end, seriously, I didn't even get a minute into the song and I wanted to strangle my cat.

Believe it or not, Mr. Blobby himself does very little singing on this song, although probably because the only word he can actually say is "blobby", and there is this weird effect placed on his voice that just sounds creepy, I would not be surprised if there was a horror character based on Mr. Blobby. The actual singers on this track are mostly a choir of what I assume are children, and some female singer, they do alright, but it's a shame that they put actual effort into what is essentially a novelty song that nobody would ever find funny.

Much like "Starships" this song also lacks quite a lot of focus, starting with a chanting choir, than going onto something that sounds like the theme song to Cybersix had a child with the English theme to Mew Mew Power, and then goes into whatever begins at the minute and twenty-four second mark, it's like a cross between a military marching theme and a Sesame Street song. Then it goes back to the choir of children, and occasionally Mr. Blobby will say his only known word from time to time, actually, make that a lot, he says that one word quite often in this three minute and thirty-two second song, which may sound like a lot of time, but here is some perspective, "Whatzupwitu" another awful song is eleven seconds shorter, "Call Me Maybe" one of my most hated songs is nineteen seconds shorter, and "Starships" is almost the same length, being just two seconds shorter. Three minutes is pretty standard when it comes to singles.

This has often been called one of the worst songs of all time, and I can definitely see why. The instrumentals start off by farting their lack of a melody into your ear and end with a faux triumphant trumpet sound that makes me want to burn off my ears. The character to whom this is credited to does very little actual singing, the lyrics are just lip service to said character and when the character does open his mouth, his voice is f*cking creepy. This is one of the worst songs I've ever heard, and let's hope it's the lowest I sink this year.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and the stupidest thing about this song is not the concept, the lyrics, the instrumentals or even the character, but the fact that this was certified Platinum, whereas Queen's "The Show Must Go On" didn't even certify in the U.K. and only certified Gold in France and Italy.

Seriously, What the actual f*ck?

Ace Audio: "Champagne Supernova" - Oasis

I have a pretty big project coming up that may take me quite a while to actually do, so I'm just going to do whatever I want to do until then, but I should have a holiday themed blog next time.

The 1990s was a strange era for music. At the beginning of the decade it was the Grunge scene that dominated, than it was the alternative rock scene, and then it was boybands. Really, no one sound defined the nineties, maybe a specific year, but not the whole decade. The nineties is not like the Two-thousands where dance pop and alternative rock were the definitive music genres of that year, nor the seventies where it was mostly disco and rock, and Elton John. However, the nineties are a fascinating little blip in music history, giving us plenty of oddities that we somehow still remember, yet completely forgot about at the same time. Anybody remember "No Rain"? "Semi-Charmed Life"? "Bittersweet Symphony"? You do, but not until I brought them up, either that or you are a real big music nerd like myself.

Oasis definitely falls within the category of a 90s oddity hit, but people really remember them. You know, people like "Wonderwall" and that seems to be it, nobody really seems to remember "Morning Glory" or "Don't Look Back in Anger", which both came off the same album, but people also seem to remember this song. "Wonderwall" I get, it's an acoustic ballad, which every teenager will just eat up, but "Champagne Supernova"? Why? This is not really a song that I can see mixed in with one of those "nineties classics" CDs you see at the check out aisle in Wal-Mart. But maybe that is the reason people remember it, because it doesn't sound like a song from the nineties, more like a song from the sixties.

You can definitely hear the psychedelic influences in the opening instrumentals, beginning with the sound of waves and then following with this guitar sound that sounds as though Noel Gallagher is drowning a slide guitar, I mean whatever sounds cool I guess. But seriously, the opening instrumentals are awesome, and immediately take me into the song, and get me into a psychedelic feeling. I would say more so than a band like early Pink Floyd, and I'm talking like Piper at the Gates of Dawn Pink Floyd, where they actually tried to be a psychedelic band.

Liam Gallagher does have vocals that split some people, personally I don't mind them too much. I mean, yeah they are pretty much is Bob Dylan had a colonoscopy, but still Bob Dylan has a decent voice and for the style of rock that Liam sings, his vocals match well. Plus, Liam begins with a much more somber tone in his voice, and slowly graduates to his usual level towards the end.

The lyrics are strange, but they are supposed to be. I especially love the line "Slowly walking down the hall/faster than a cannonball" just for how odd the line is. Personally, I think this is another song about nothing like "Loser" or "Bohemian Rhapsody", but everybody has their own interpretations of this song. I like a song that is not directly about anything, it is kind of a nice break to listen to a song like it, considering I listen to a lot of metal, which can get very political, putting it very lightly.

I also love the guitar solos, being pretty reminiscent of Jimi Hendrix but still distinct on it's own. I can't help but think of floating aimlessly on an ocean whenever I hear the song, it's pretty amazing.

The 1990s was an odd time for music, but we got plenty of gems from the rough, and many of those gems were rough. It was a fascinating time that gave us a song that was very reminiscent of the psychedelic era, but still felt right at home in the Alternative scene of the mid to late 90s. Considering plenty of other songs like this have essentially become novelties at this point, it's nice to see that there is still an audience of a song like this.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and I would comment on the Gallagher brothers, but you know what? It's December, let's just leave it for now.

Auditory Abominations: "Smoke on the Water" - Pat Boone

Considering my last post, I felt like I needed something a bit simpler to cover for this abomination before I went back to doing more unbearable garbage, and I didn't think I could get simpler than Pat Boone.

Pat Boone is a different kind of bad, a bad that is not pure lack of talent like Katy Perry, unbearable awfulness like Foreigner or gross levels of assholery like Axl Rose. No, Pat Boone is a different kind of abomination. I could've gone with any Pat Boone song, but I decided to go with his cover of the hard rock and heavy metal classic "Smoke on the Water" by Deep Purple, because yes, there is a level of blasphemy you didn't think was possible.

Now, before I tear into the abomination of a cover, I want to talk about Pat Boone and why I don't like him. As I said it's not that he lacks talent, and I can understand why people enjoy his music, although it personally makes my skin crawl. No, to really understand I want to take you back to the 1950s, where it was still legal to cater to only white people.

The 50s was the decade in which rock and roll was emerging, and it was mostly coming from the up tempo Chicago blues scene from the late 40s with guys like B. B. King, Muddy Waters and Elmore James. Now, roll in the 1950s with a decent economy and people buying records from some of these black artists. Now marketers got the idea to appeal to conservative parents by selling them watered down versions of "Tutti Frutti", "Long Tall Sally" and "Ain't That a Shame".

That is really why Pat Boone is here, but at the same time it's why he's been popular in the 50s, because conservative America ate it right up. It wasn't as "vulgar" as Elvis, nor as wild as Jerry, but at the same time it was no Bing Crosby, or Frank Sinatra or anyone with a voice and talent.

Which brings me to Pat's 90s release, In a Metal Mood: No More Mr. Nice Guy, where he decided to cover hard rock and heavy metal classics such as "Paradise City", "Crazy Train", "Holy Diver", "Enter Sandman" and of course "No More Mr. Nice Guy" among others, yes this is a thing. Sad thing is he also got metal legends Ronnie James Dio, Ritchie Blackmore and Alice Cooper by his side with this.

Really, all of that would be enough to justify it being an abomination, but nope, this song has to be as wretched as a Buckcherry song, with twice the unbearableness of it all.

But the thing is, I can't actually put my finger on what I find so wretched about this song. I mean, I have found some songs pretty bad that other people enjoy, I have plenty of those coming up, but this is just awful. It's taking a heavy metal song and making it more jazz and gospel like which would be fine, I like Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra and a lot of the other crooners, but this just makes me shudder. I think it's because the entire tone is changed, the original was rough, uncut and almost punk rock sounding, this was because the song was about a fire burning down a casino where the band was originally going to record, so the tone had to be rough and unclean to match. This one just kind of makes it smoother, which does not work for the meaning of the song, it's like taking "The Sound of Silence" and making it an electro-pop tune, some songs work only in specific genres and "Smoke on the Water" works as a hard rock song, not as a lounge jazz tune.

This is one of the worst songs I've ever heard. Yes, alongside some of the other garbage I've done on this blog, alongside "Call Me Maybe" which made me want to pop in the video tape from The Ring, but this made me wish death upon humanity. I don't hate this style of music, but that's because a lot of the music works for that style. This song does not, and quite frankly, Pat Boone is not the best person to even cover a song like "Smoke on the Water" in this style.

I'm the Entity of Darkness and let's forget this ever happened.

Auditory Abominations: The Songs from "Dorbees - Making Desicions"

Where are the songs from Steven Universe when I need them?

Okay, so disregarding this total breakdown of not wanting to do such an abomination, let's talk about Dorbees, because this is a fascinating lost relic of awful animations. It was made by the son of one of the members of a Christian gospel group. I don't honestly know if these song were written by the group, but I think they were sung by them. Either way I'm not crediting this to anyone, because I don't think they want to have these songs on their discography. This animated waste of potential, has no Wikipedia page and barely has a page on IMDb, so if you want a good understanding of what this is here is the actual video, from YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veVPWYNTj00

Of course, I'm not here to talk about the video, just the music, but I will say this; it is awful. Seriously, I've seen very few things that was this level of crap, the animation is awful, the storytelling is all wonky, the plots make no sense, the characters are lifeless, and the songs themselves range from bad to so bad that I actually kind of like them. If you have seen the video, you may think that the songs are the best part of it, and yeah they are, but that does not mean they aren't crap.

This came out the year I was born, so I didn't grow up with it, I instead grew up with what this was ripping off, VeggieTales. Say what you want, but VeggieTales was actually really good, and it had some pretty great songs. This wanted to be VeggieTales, without understanding why VeggieTales worked. But I'm getting off topic, this is a song blog, not an animation blog.

So what better song to start with than the very first song in the video, the theme song!

It's sung in this kind of lounge music style. Where this song really falls apart are the lyrics. The first verse is fine, but the second verse is just confusing, what did the singer say? "Rolling to a crawl"?, "Roll unto a bowl"?, "Rolling to a ball"?, at least it's better than the intro to The Nutshack. Also, I should never hear the phrase "Tiny little balls" in the theme song of a kid's cartoon, that is the fourth verse after the bridge by the way. The bridge by the way, asks "Why don't they go away?". The theme song tells us nothing about the Dorbees, except that they are "Tiny little balls" and that eventually we're going to want the to go away, which can not be any truer. This is however, the highlight of our song selection.

Now the main reason I am not going to cover musicals on these blogs is because there is story in between the songs, but this one has simple stories that I can explain in less than a paragraph. So between the theme song and the next song is a beginning story about a Scandinavian dorbee that needs new clothes and goes to this "groovy, funky" clothing store run by a stereotypical disco dude.

This one definitely has a groove to it, something you can easily get down with on the dance floor. This one isn't too terrible, it's mostly just bland. It never really changes tone or gives us anything within itself. It really only serves as a space filler. Really the only thing decent about this song are the technicals, the vocal work is good and as I have stated prior there is a groove to this one. This is more middle of the road than anything else.

Following this story is another story about two children who skipped school and are about to enter a spooky house. Yes, they also get their own song.

This song is just awful, really bad, but honestly I kind of like it. I generally don't talk about stuff I like ironically on these blogs as I love and hate them, but this one really needs to be seen and heard to be believed. Although, unlike most songs I enjoy ironically, this one probably has the most issues. The first issue should be apparent before the song begins, the character singing should really not be singing. His voice is so nasally, it's like if Gary Oak from Pokémon decided to start a jazz group. The other issue is the lyrics. These two are, as stated in song, eight years old and their complaining about not having credit cards, beards or cars, yeah, because that was all I wanted when I was eight, not more Lego or a pet fish, a credit card and a car were all I wanted.

The other character has her own verse, this time the lyrics don't start of too bad, actually complaining about things that I can see children complaining about, things like having to curtsey and wear things in your hair, stuff that children would complain about. Granted they still aren't great lyrics, but still a step up from the previous stanza. The song ends with the strangest thing in this entire thing, and considering what's coming up next, that is saying a lot. It ends with rejected scraps from "Yellow Submarine" and then repeating the song's title. Overall, this one is probably the worst quality wise, but I love how bad it really is.

Following this song is the theme song to a German public access show about a superhero and his sidekick and their evil nemesis who is a French cow. The funny thing is you think I'm kidding! The funny thing is I am not kidding, why am I not kidding?

I do not know what to say about this one. The faux German accent and accordion music gets annoying very fast and the lyrics are just beyond basic, I get that is kind of the point, but just adds to the obnoxiousness of this song by making it a total ear worm. This one is the worst of them all, it is highly annoying and is entirely pointless as the entire segment did not need to be in the video, at all.

And to top of the story of the two kids skipping school, one more song to show that yes, these people should not quit their day job. Unfortunately I could not find any footage of this one, so if you want to hear it, the link to the whole video is still there, skip to about 31:58 in the video, the link is still up there if you need it.

Not only is this song entirely random, but it is barely audible. I have no clue what they are singing half of the time, although it sounds as though they are just repeating the same lines over and over again. This song serves nothing to the plot, comes right the hell out of nowhere, throws all logic out the window, is never mentioned afterwards in the epilogue, you know where this is going just show the card.

Yeah, one pointless flavoured Big Lipped Alligator Moment.

On top of the pointlessness and randomness, this song is pretty annoying. The vocal work is in such a pitch it's as if Peter Cetera, Tiny Tim, Barry Gibb and a gospel group of castrato singers were singing it. The Mr. Poe intro song is worse, but this one is the most pointless. Thankfully it's forgettable, which is probably why I can't find footage of the song itself.

So, what was the point of all this? Well, honestly I really wanted to talk about the songs in the piece of trash. I watched this about three times and it wasn't until the third time it really dawned on me how terrible the songs actually were. If I had to choose, my favourite of the bunch would be the "Digg's Duds" song as it has some groove to it and is probably the best song quality wise, sure it's bland and mostly there to fill up space, but it could've been a lot worse.

From that, the list goes like this:

The theme song - Still has some good qualities, but still pretty bad.

"I Wanna be Grown Up" - So bad it's good

"Mr. Poe and Yogul" intro - The worst quality wise, but not my least favourite.

The ending song - The most pointless, needless, forgettable, bland, obvious filler I've ever heard.

Really, this is kind of a testament to how bad a musical can get. I won't do musicals often on this blog, but if I find something with every song as bad as these, oh you better believe I'll be on it.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and seriously, give this a watch if you're into "So bad, it's good" kind of stuff.

Ace Audio: "Symphony of Destruction" - Megadeth

As I said before, it's harder to talk about a song that everybody knows and loves without tying it to a specific theme. I honestly think it's easier for me to talk about songs I hate than songs I like, especially when those songs are loved by lots of other people I know. Sure I could tie this song to the theme of political power especially with the political climate in the U.S. right now (note: I support neither, but then again I don't live there), but I won't because I want to talk about the song, something I have not done properly since I reviewed "The Show Must Go On".

Megadeth is another band that doesn't really need an introduction, they are one of the big four of thrash metal and proof that older is often better. They have been going strong since 1986 and have been going steady since. To me, they hit a similar level of quality with most of their songs, some are better and some are not, but they aren't really like System of a Down or dare I say Metallica, where the songs aren't always of similar quality on the album. I'll admit, I am not too fond of "Bounce" by System of a Down. Even though some songs are better than others, Megadeth never really had that much of a dud, with the exception of "Crush 'Em" and while some may say that makes them a better band, I think that it also works the same backwards as they don't really have many "Amazing" songs, excluding this one maybe.

"Symphony of Destruction" is my favourite Megadeth song, from the opening instrumentals to the ending line it is just a magnificent song. Seriously, the opening guitar is awesome, it's rough, it's rhythmic and it's oh so stylish. Mustaine's opening vocals are gruff and mean business, which is perfect for this kind of song.

The lyrics have a strong opening talking about taking an average person and giving them power, the stanza's are not very long and lead to a few repeats of words and sounds, which is my only problem with the song, well one of two anyway, but thankfully it does serve as a decent bridge to an awesome chorus.

The chorus talks about how the masses are being lead to destruction by the political leaders Pied Piper style, and the simile of comparing the Pied Piper to political leaders is a good simile to have. I also like the line "We dance like Marionettes/Swaying to the symphony of destruction" as it describes the scenario in perfect metaphor, and leaves a nice mental image as well, reminds me a little of the Metallica song, although that was about a different subject matter.

Unfortunately the second stanza is my other minor issue with the song as it has a few kind of strange word choices, but it leads to another chorus line which gets a repeat, and gives us an awesome guitar solo. I find most guitar solos leave me at a loss for words, but this guitar solo kind of shows why Megadeth is a superior band to Metallica.

The song ends after one last verse and chorus, capping off at four minutes and seven seconds. I think if the song was longer it would've over stayed it's welcome a bit. Lyrically the song is basic, but the lyrics are really powerful and are drenched in metaphor and imagery, two things I love in writing.

The song was also a huge hit for Megadeth as well as it was played on the radio and on MTV plenty of times, giving mainstream success to the band, even peaking at number 29 on the Mainstream Rock Tracks. Megadeth released the following album Youthanasia in '94 two years after Countdown to Extinction and it did just as well reached number 4 on the Billboard 200. Megadeth would do a lot in the following years, and their newest album Dystopia sounds pretty good.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and next time I'll go a bit out of my comfort zone.

Auditory Abominations: "Everything I do (I Do it For You)" - Bryan Adams

Continuing on the theme of love songs that are not romantic in the very least, this song also allows me to explain why something being popular does not give it any form of quality. This was not just a number one of 1991, it was the number one of 1991, and this was the year that gave us Nevermind, Metallica, Blood Sugar Sex Magik, and Out of Time. 1991 was not a horrible year for music, in fact it may have been one of the best, but every year has its shovel ware.

Before I get into the big problem with this song, I want to discuss some of the minor issues with the song. Such as the horrible combination of the slow melody and Bryan Adam's voice which sounds as though he ate a sandpaper and staple salad with battery acid dressing. At the very least when other musicians that don't have the greatest voices sing, they sing in genres that compliment their vocals, Bob Dylan sang folk, Bruce Springsteen sang rock and Peter Cetera sang soft rock. When I compliment Peter Cetera, you know you've made an abomination.

Really the song at its core is a slow, dull song that tries to have dreamlike instrumentals and romantic lyrics, nothing I can fault the song over, except for one thing. Much like the previously reviewed "I Want to Know What Love is" by Foreigner, it is the fact that this was as successful as it was that makes it an abomination.

To put it into a perspective that I think some of you may understand, the fact that the song reached number one shows that people found this romantic, and those people have clearly never seen Casablanca.

"Everything I do I do it for you" is a meaningless statement, because the majority of people's life is doing something mundane, eating breakfast, reading a book, taking a walk, and they do all that mundane stuff that everybody does for you. I want people to remember that words like "Everything" and "All" are broad reaching terms, if I was to drink all the water on the planet, that would also mean that I would drink the polar ice caps, the clouds, the water in plants, the water in animals and the contaminated water in hazardous areas.

"Everything" does not mean the important stuff, or the noteworthy stuff, it means "Everything", meaning sneezing, being sick, calling his mother, watching TV, crying, doing his job, sitting in the dark, driving and all of that stuff is done for you. That is not romantic, that is obsession and an unhealthy one at that.

If somebody says they do everything for you and mean it, get them help because that is not a healthy thing. Somethings it is okay to do for other people, fighting, getting help, going to higher education you know things that can benefit other people. Saying you'll do everything for another person is almost as creepy and admitting to being a stalker.

This was the number one song of 1991, meaning that this proved empty, shallow, meaningless love songs had a place on the pop charts. It isn't the fact that the song is dull that makes it an abomination, but the fact that people thought it was romantic that makes it an abomination.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and don't forget, "Everything" is a broad-reaching word.

Ace Audio: "The Show Must Go On" - Queen

Ace Audio is a series where I look at songs that I don't think get enough appreciation, or analyze songs that I think are well loved, so I try to avoid well loved songs like "Stairway to Heaven" or "Run to the Hills". Although, there may be a case or two where I break my rule, I may not do it often but I will occasionally, like now.

Queen needs no introduction, if you don't know Queen you don't know music proper. They are one of the greatest, if not the greatest band who has ever performed with many amazing songs under their belt. Many of their songs are some of the greatest of all time from "Bohemian Rhapsody" to "Radio Gaga" and many more. I decided to go with this song because I really want to emphasise how important the song was to the band and to their fans.

The song is basically about Freddie Mercury and his continuous singing for the band despite his failing health. It was one of the last songs released before his death in 1991. To this, the song itself highly compliments this by having a very symphonic feel to it all, kind of like the end of an opera. It gives the song a very triumphant sound, as if saying this is not the end.

Even though at this point he was terminally ill, Freddie still kills it on the vocals. This is a testament to how amazing of a vocalist Freddie Mercury was, as he still has all that power and range even when dying. This is why Freddie is recognized as the greatest singer in music, because even though others had the range like Ray Charles, and others had the power like Screamin' Jay Hawkins, very few had both, and none to such an impressive degree.

The rest of the band does an awesome job as well, Roger Taylor especially kills it with those drums and John Deacon plays an awesome bass. However, it's Brian May that steals the show when it comes to the instrumentals with his precise guitar playing, it really does add to the whole rock orchestra feel of the song.

When we talk about the best of Queen, yes "Bohemian Rhapsody" and "We Are the Champions" are always going to be in our hearts, but "The Show Must Go On" is a testament to the band as a whole. Sure, this could've been entirely Freddie's doing, and his ultimate final song, but no, this was a whole band effort and they did not pull out any stops.

The song sounds incredible and it was the perfect track to end on. It may be, objectively speaking, the best Queen song ever. It was the bands ultimate song and it gave the fans Freddie's ultimate vocal performance. It is a very important song to all Queen fans.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and the show...

It must go on!

Auditory Abominations: "Crush 'Em" - Megadeth

Like I said, this review will be a Megadeth song, not just because I want to discuss this song, but also the comparison to Metallica they get. Honestly, I don't think either band is really better, because although Metallica doesn't hit the highs of Megadeth's "Symphony of Destruction", Megadeth doesn't really hit the lows of Metallica's "St. Anger", although I would think this song comes close.

The problem with "St. Anger" was mostly Lars Ulrich's drumming and the lyrics that made very little sense, if any at all. However, I can say this about "St. Anger"; even though it was a terrible song, it still sounded like Metallica. That is the first problem with "Crush 'Em", it doesn't sound like a Megadeth song.

The opening sounds pretty close to something like a song The Police would do, and when the song does pick up, it doesn't really have a whole lot of energy to it. I mean, compare this song to a Megadeth song like "Peace Sells" or "Tornado of Souls" which have awesome guitar solos and sound way better than this, because they don't sound restrained, giving them a natural sense of energy.

Thankfully the Lyrics aren't a big problem, they're just kind of generic anthem lyrics, right down to the most basic of choruses. Seriously, was "Roll the dice, Don't think twice/and we crush, crush 'em" really the best chorus you could write? From the band that gave us "Just like the Pied Piper lead rats through the streets" and "if there's a new way, I'll be first in line/but it better work this time" comes "And we Crush, Crush 'Em".

When people talk about the worst of the big four, they usually only talk about "St. Anger" and I can see why as I do think it is a worse song, but I still think that this is one of the worst Heavy Metal songs of all time, mostly because it sounds so watered down and dull.

I will say that the instrumentals did not annoy me like "St. Anger" did, but they didn't add a whole lot to the song, again from the group that gave us "Tornado of Souls" and "Holy Wars... The Punishment Due" we got this generic, boring schlock.

This was intended to be a sporting anthem, but honestly there are so many better songs that can be and are used as sports anthems that this kind of falls into the background. I get the idea and even the audience, but it has to be good for other people as well, which by the way is often why religious music doesn't work either, because it only really works for people of that religion.

I can't say that this was one of the worst songs I have ever heard, I can honestly say that it is not in my personal top 10, but I still think that this is the worst Megadeth has to offer, but hey, we still got "Peace Sells" right?

I'm the Entity of Darkness and speaking of religious music and heavy metal, oh yeah, I looking at them again.