Ace Audio: "Scatman (Ski-Ba-Bop-Ba-Dop-Bop)" - Scatman John

There are two decades that have some of the weirdest music, the first and obvious is the 1980s, I have done a marathon of 1980s songs and still did not cover some of the weirder songs. The next is the 1990s, although this was more for different reasons than the 1980s. Weird in the 1990s was more the odd one-off hits that were popular for a while but faded as the time went by, see the Latin dance craze for more proof of that. To put this in perspective, in 1996 the number one hit song of the year was "Macarena", it beat out "One Sweet Day" at #2, "You Oughta Know" at #29, and "1979" at #44. Actually, it was a remix that topped the charts, the actual "Macarena" only made #98, six spots below "Until it Sleeps" by Metallica. The 90s were weird, and in the midst of Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer, and Hanson, is it any wonder that this is one of the better decades for music? Yeah, there was garbage, but there was Grunge, Heavy Metal became more experimental giving us Marilyn Manson and Rammstein, Daft Punk released Homework, also we got Garbage, and we also got this song, which is one of the best songs released in the 1990s.

This is a Hip-hop, Dance Pop song sung mostly in Scat, only in the 90s right? For those who don't know, Scat is a singing style that is mostly nonsensical and random syllables and improvised melodies. Scat has a long history, dating back to Louis Armstrong and Cab Calloway if not further. But don't worry, if that still confuses you, the song itself starts with a good portion of it.

Even though the opening is Scat, as is a lot of the song, the song itself is not A Capella, there is a synth riff in there and it sounds great. You know "Axel F", well the synth is kind of like that in sound, as in the sound of the synth itself, the actual synth beats are different, but are still energetic and upbeat. The drums in the background also keep a nice discernible rhythm and the Scat singing is actually really catchy. If you want to make a dance song, this is a good song to learn how to do openings.

The song really kicks in around the 21 second mark, and this is where the song becomes really difficult to talk about, since a large portion of the instrumentals are Scat singing, and it is already difficult to describe instrumentals in the first place, this becomes an extra challenge. However, to put this simply, the Scat singing changes in beats and tone and becomes even more upbeat than before, and catchier as well.

Now the lyrics kick in, and if the song itself wasn't awesome before, well it's definitely awesome now. You see, Scatman John was a stutterer, think The King's Speech if that helps. However, singing actually takes place in a different part of the brain from normal talking, so this did not really have much negative effects on his career, and the Scat singing may have actually helped his career. I bring this up because, one, it is amazing to know, and two the first actual lyrical verse is well... "Everybody stutters one way or the other /So check out my message to you /As a matter of fact, I don't let nothin' hold you back /If the Scatman can do it, so can you".

You remember what I said in my "Johnny B. Goode" review, where I said that even though the song had one set of lyrics that meant one thing, the song itself could actually become kind of inspiring? It's kind of the same for this song, it's pretty much saying, "I can do this, so can you", and it is really encouraging.

There are other lyrics, but honestly, I don't think I could explain them if I tried, so I'm not going to bother, which is good because it will let you come to your own conclusions about the song.

Of course, between each bit of the lyrics we get some more really upbeat and really catchy Scat singing and damn does this become one of the most energetic songs ever, seriously this could easily make my list of best party songs.

Honestly, I think that is all I can really say about this song. It's funky, fun and oh so catchy. I seriously mean it, you will be humming the beat to this song after you hear it, it's that catchy. On top of that the instrumentals themselves add to the upbeat tone of the song, and the vocals are solid, not the smoothest, but they are rather nice.

Well, I think next time I'm going to look at a classic, I'm the Entity of Darkness and keep watch, next time I'm thinking about Boston.

Auditory Abominations: "Chained to the Rhythm" - Katy Perry ft. Skip Marley

You want my opinion on this song? It sucks, there, that is it. No, this isn't going to be so much of a song review, more a sudden realization of what I hated the most about this artist thanks to listening to this song. However, I will be fair and mention this song here and there, after all this is a song review blog. Besides, I needed to do at least one more Katy Perry song before I dropped her from my list entirely, unless she comes out with something that is actually an interesting level of bad.

You see, when it comes to Katy Perry, I always expect each song to annoy me to no end that I start questioning why I even enjoy music in the first place. I was expecting this song to be annoying, loud, obnoxious and so much more and it just wasn't.

Which made me realize what truly made Katy Perry my least favourite music artist, even more so than Limp Bizkit, Peter Cetera, Creed and Simple Plan. This is the one thing that made Katy Perry stand out as my least favourite more than any other band and musician I've covered on this blog thus far. To be clear, there is a strong difference between a musician being my least favourite and my most hated, least favourite, in this context, means I like it the least and that is Katy Perry through and through, whereas most hated, means that it fills me with such strong feelings of anger and loathing that any chance of me liking it has sunk lower than Marianas Trench. Thus far, very few artists have reached my level of most hated, but right now that is being occupied by Lil' Wayne.

Basically, what I'm saying is that, Katy Perry is not my most hated, because she doesn't really deserve being my most hated music artist, she is my least favourite because as her career went on, she became less interesting. I also would like to mention that everything that makes her stand out has been done by other music artists. The genre she is a part of has been defined by the likes of Michael Jackson and Madonna before hand, her outfits have been done by Bjork, Marilyn Manson, David Bowie, Prince, Liberace, Elton John, Michael Jackson again. Nothing about Katy Perry is natural, and her music just isn't that interesting, although "Ur So Gay" and "Dark Horse" are on my future to do list.

If you don't believe that her career became less interesting, I think I can devote a couple paragraphs to this song.

Honestly, everything about the opening bit is boring. The beat sounds boring, Katy sounds boring, not even the lyrics sound interesting. Some bits of it remind of other Katy Perry songs to, and quite frankly, this may just be the most boring song I have ever heard. I mean, "Glory of Love" at least had an interesting history, This song doesn't even have that.

The music video is more interesting than the song, all though that mostly is just because of how damn weird it is, why everybody is wearing 1950s style apparel is beyond me.

Skip Marley has a guest verse, it's pretty short and honestly not that interesting. Just like the rest of the song. Overall, this song wears it's welcome out quickly, and just doesn't give a whole lot, I don't think it's worth listening to, but then again you'll probably forget that you heard it after you listened to it.

You see what I mean? This song had so little to talk about, that I used this time to talk about what I disliked about Katy Perry. This song may have made my list for worst Katy Perry songs, but all in all I don't think it's really worth any of my emotions.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and next time will be something truly interesting.

Auditory Abominations: "Mickey" - Toni Basil (80's Marathon Finale)

Alright, last song of this marathon. After this I'm going to go to a song far from this decade.

Anyway, Hey Mickey! Yeah this song is um... something. Okay, look the 80s were weird. From our punk rap song, to that news reading dance song and also to odd songs like "Mexican Radio" and "Throw the 'R' Away". I like to say that the 1980s was the decade you could get away with anything in music. In fact, there is still so much 80s weirdness I haven't even looked at yet. I will end up doing a review of songs like "Dog Police" and I dunno insert weird obscure song from the 1980s here.

I think that it is only fair that I look at one of the more well known weird songs, and this one is not exactly weird for the same reasons something like "Dog Police" is weird, it's weird in a different way, to put it simply, if this song was released in the 2010s, sure it will still be shite, but it would have been a touch less weird. Remember, this was the 1980s, when we had the music video for "Land of Confusion", Kenny G had a number one hit this decade, and The Proclaimers released their first two albums in this decade as well. So, what makes this song so weird? Well, it may have completely kick started the 1980s. what do I mean by that? I mean that 1980 and 1981 were just like the left-overs of the 1970s, I mean what was popular at that time? "Cars", "Rock With You", "Celebration" you get the idea, songs that sound more at home in a decade like the 1970s, in fact a lot of it actually was from the 1970s, and then 1982 happened, when we got this, The Human League, and the best song of the early 80s, "Physical". 1982 may just be the oddest year of the 1980s.

But that is all why this song is weird, why is song bad? Well, there is one major reason, and the song opens with that major reason. Cheerleader chanting! Cheerleaders only work in high sporting events because the energy is already high there, and even then nobody really likes their cheering, their pretty much just there because eye candy. Also, the opening drum beat is... I don't want to say it's repetitive, especially since most drum beats are, but that is why they are not the prominent instrument in a song, and when they do open a song, they often change the drum beat in the song like with Quiet Riot's "Cum on Feel the Noize".

The opening synth isn't terrible, it's annoying but that is just my disdain for synth speaking. There are some good and stylized synth songs out there, this isn't one of them, but it is passable for what it is.

You know, aside from that this is not really the worst song of the 1980s, I mean it's mindless and annoying, but it is not as annoying as "We Built This City". It's uninteresting but not as much as "Glory of Love". Essentially, this is just an upbeat pop song of the 1980s, although there is something interesting to talk about. This song is a gender bent cover!

A "Gender Bent Cover" is a cover song that swaps the gender around, think Aretha Franklin's cover of "Respect" and even Joan Jett's cover of "I Love rock and Roll". Essentially take a song from one gender, and reverse it, like Soft Cell's cover of "Tainted Love".

The original song was not called "Mickey" it was actually called "Kitty" by the band Racey in 1979, and was absent from having a cheerleader chant. Now, this song also sucks, but it is not as obnoxious and at the very least "Oh Kitty what a pity" sounds better than "Oh Mickey what a pity". So yeah, I'd much rather listen to this version than the cover. So how many awful covers does that lead me up to? Really, only four? Hmm... I'm doing better at avoiding awful covers than I thought.

Anyway, the lyrics in both are general lovey dovey crap, "You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand", how mushy. That really is it, like I said, not the most interesting of songs.

So, final verdict? "Mickey" is the worse version, since it added in an obnoxious cheerleader chant. Even then, the song is just a dull love song that is only remembered because of said cheerleader chant.

And that concludes my 80's marathon. Despite the choices I picked, this was kind of fun, I loved looking at a lot of these songs almost forgotten to time. I don't think I can pick out one worse song from my Abominations list, although right now "Funky Man" is taking the top spot.

Well, let's step away from the 1980s for a bit, and go back even further in time! I'm the Entity of Darkness, and I'm glad this 80's marathon is finally over!

Also, one last note, the music video is actually pretty fun.

Auditory Abominations: "Dance with Me" - Reginald Bosanquet (80's Marathon Part 3/6)

Yes! This is a real thing, and no I did not make this up to troll you. Just like with Richard Cheese and "Mr. Blobby", I'm digging up something that some of you may not have heard of, whether that is a good thing or not I'll leave that up for you to decide. I figured doing this song in the middle of the marathon would be best since I could begin and end with a more well known song that I can actually find footage of. That is the problem with relying on YouTube for videos because even though they are a massive website, they still don't have everything. This little gem came from 1980, by a newscaster. I'm not kidding, the singer of this song, was a newscaster, who was the son of a famous Cricket player, Bernard Bosanquet. Reginald worked at ITN and BBC for a while, and he died in 1984 from Pancreatic Cancer. I'm telling all of this to you, because this is one of the cases where the artist, is actually far more interesting that the art, which happens a lot unfortunately.

The song begins with an okay guitar and bass, not great but not terrible either. This could open a dance song of a decade like the 1980s. This however is interrupted by our "Singer", who sounds like a drunk old man, which at this point considering he was bordering fifty at the time, is quite a possibility. Have you heard the Epic Rap Battle of History between Roosevelt and Churchill? Well, Reginald sounds kind of like an older version of Dan Bull, and kind of drunker too. The YouTube description really says it best though, "...with Reggie seemingly unaware of what day it is, never mind he's supposed to be making a record...".

Reginald doesn't even really sing speak per say, he just talks like a news broadcast, which would be fine if this was a novelty song from the 70s, but then again, the most popular novelty hits from the 1970s were "Disco Duck" and "Convoy", which are both songs on my chopping block.

Amazingly, I can actually find the lyrics to this song, and umm... they're lyrics alright. Again, dance songs don't really need complex lyrics, but when you sing your opening lyrics with little to no enthusiasm whatsoever, and your opening lyrics are "Move up, move down, move round, move side" I don't think that one can excuse the poor grammar and writing in the lyrics. There are other lyrics that should be sang with any enthusiasm or charm, but they aren't, I never thought that I'd ever hear the phrase "Dance doowop, doowop all week" sang with no enthusiasm.

I also get the strange feeling like there is trying to be sexy or something, which is impossible considering the way he is "singing" this song. Yeah, if you want to pull of sexy, you got to have the voice to match. Marvin Gaye, Prince, they pulled of sexy so perfectly that some of their most well known songs are about the subject. What really kills any idea of sex appeal to this guy though is his singing style. Who wants to dance to this? The music is good, but much like Limp Bizkit, the problem is the vocalist.

Reginald Bosanquet is such a bad "singer", that I don't even think he gave any vocal work to this track, I think that this is just a prank that somebody pulled by recording his voice and adding it to music. Although, technology was not that advanced in the 1980s, but it was advanced enough.

It's songs like this, "Disco Duck", and "Mr. Blobby" that give the novelty song a bad name. Novelty songs can be done well, especially in the hands of people like Weird Al, Flight of the Concords, The Arrogant Worms, hell even Aurelio Voltaire has done a fair share of silly songs that aren't supposed to be taken seriously. Seriously, next Easter, play "Bunnypocalypse". Don't let songs that miss the point of being a novelty cloud your judgment on novelty songs in general.

Being a novelty song is not just doing something weird or wacky, you do have to put effort into being funny. These are not just the kind of songs that people play for a good laugh, if done well, these songs can actually take on a life of their own. There are many people who are fans of Weird Al and have probably never even heard of the original songs he is parodying. Hell, sometimes I myself play a goofy song by bands like Moxy Fruvous and Aurelio Voltaire because I'm in the mood for them.

This is not a funny song, it is not a song I can take seriously, but it is a song that exists. That is really all I can say about it.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and I need to listen to "Safety Dance".

Auditory Abominations: "Call on Me" - Eric Prydz

When I did my list of the top twenty worst music videos, I surprisingly found myself liking a couple of the songs on that list, with special mention to "Go West". Of course, there were plenty of songs I hated, but none were more unbearable than "Mr. Blobby", but honestly this came real close.

Dance songs are not the easiest for me to review, mostly because when you make a song specifically so people can dance to it, you don't put a lot of effort into the lyrics and more the beat, that is not saying you can't put lyrics in a dance song, it's what I love about Daft Punk so much, but I would love to think that the lyrics should at least make sense with the beat and tone of the song.

When I talked about this song on the top 20 worst music videos list, I said it made Buckcherry sound good, in truth I almost mistook Buckcherry for actual good music after listening to this.

The opening bit is like high pitched synth. It actually probably is high pitched synth, because it is just as annoying as it sounds. The vocals, and I use that term loosely because they sound as auto-tuned as the song, fade in and when they hit, nothing changes. At the very least Daft Punk changes the tempo and vocal delivery of their songs, like how in "Robot Rock", even though they are just saying the exact same two words the entire time, they never say it the exact same way the entire time, because that would have been monotonous, and that is a really monotonous word to spell, so many O's.

The drum beats pound in my ears like a sledgehammer, I can actually feel my ears throbbing with each consecutive beat, and this goes on for two minutes. I know that doesn't sound like a long time, but it feels much longer with how repetitious it is. Even Daft Punk's "Technologic" didn't feel like it lasted too long, because it to had speed and tempo changes, lyrical breaks and flowed very naturally. I'm sorry, I'd love to compare this song with even more dance songs, but all I can think of is Daft Punk.

Seriously, most of this song you can find in a Daft Punk song. The instrumentals, well you can get these really techno sounds from Discovery, especially in tracks like "One More Time" and "Harder Better Faster Stronger" or you can go with "Contact" one of my personal favourite Daft Punk songs. The repetitious lyrics were done better in songs like "Around the World" and "Robot Rock" and even then they still have better songs you can't even compare to this like "Da Funk", "Face to Face", "Derezzed" and "Digital Love", their songs set perfect moods for dancing.

Which brings me to the biggest problem with this song, for a dance song, I don't want to dance to it. I mean, compare this to a song like "Stamp on the Ground" which is not an amazing song, but a song that makes me want to dance, because it not only had an infectious chorus, the beat was not obnoxiously loud and the song flat-out demanded you stamp on the ground. This song, oh man, the beat makes me want to hack off my ears, the song is a very obnoxious ear-worm and the music video is so awkward that I want to scoop out my eyes with a melon baller.

I'm of the belief that a good dance song, should also work as a song on it's own right, but if not than it should demand you dance, you know "Stamp on the ground", "Everybody dance now", "Celebrate and dance so free" you know those are not suggestions, they are commands, and hot damn are those songs some of the best dance songs ever. This crap, it demands nothing, it makes me want to cover my ears and dancing to it feels like an after thought for me, and this is one of the best dance songs ever apparently.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and seriously speaking, the music video really is f**king awkward.

Ace Audio: "Lights" - Ellie Goulding

A lot of my Auditory Abominations are often about pop songs, mostly because a lot of pop songs are just fluff, which is a term of many definitions, but it generally means that the product is really nothing but sugar and air, giving it very little substance to it in the end, but sometimes a fluff product can work. Fluff is not really accepted overall by most people because after a while when whatever fad it is a part of dies off there really isn't any thing to hold on to. A lot of the songs I talk about have many things that fail on their own merits, such as "This is How We Do" (You know, I really need to stop picking on Katy Perry so much), that is a song that has horrid lyrics, awful music and a dreadful theme all of it sung by someone who can't sing. The song on it's own is awful, but when I compare it to a song that has good beats and tempos, good lyrics and a good theme by singers that can sing, it becomes even more unbearable, and that's not even comparing it to heavy metal music I'm just in my head comparing that song to "Face to face" by Daft Punk.

Pop music is going to be a regular on that series, but sometimes there is a good pop song, and for those of you who have been reading my previous posts, you'll know that I have been praising this song pretty much since the beginning. But I don't think that is really enough to describe my thoughts about this song, so I'll say this; this song is in my top 15, on the same list as "Chlorine and Wine" and "Octavarium". That means that I put this song higher on my favourite songs list than most of the other songs I'll cover here.

I'm not saying this song is better than most of the stuff I'm covering, in fact it may be one of the weakest songs I'm covering, but I say you should recognize failures, but you also have to recognize successes. Often because the failures allow you to appreciate some of the lesser successes.

What makes this song different from most pop songs is that unlike most other pop songs like "Starships", I actually understand the appeal. The song has a bouncy beat that is easy to groove and dance to, and Ellie's voice is just beautiful. Even the song's theme is easy to identify with, it's about the fear of the dark, something plenty of us had and have.

A lot of issues I have with pop music is that it is often beyond basic, I mean repeat four chords and sing some song about being famous, in a break-up or just some generic dance song that doesn't hold up after the next big single comes out. This song actually gives me something to hold onto after all this time, allowing me to enjoy it much more than something like "I Knew You Were Trouble".

Is this a good song, or is it just a victim of what some people call the frozen effect? You know where a lot of the other stuff is crap making whatever isn't really bad sounds so much better. I do have to say that around this time I never really heard a lot of music on the radio, most of what I listened to was modern rock so I can say that this is a good song on it's own, and not just because everything else was crap.

I'm the Entity of Darkness and always keep an open mind, you may find something new to enjoy.