But what is this song? Who made it? And where did it come from? Well, I can answer all of those questions. This song is a novelty hit from Britain, the country that on one end gave us The Beatles and Queen, the other end gave us The Incredible String Band and The Proclaimers, and another part of it gave us Bullet for my Valentine. More specifically, this came from England, the actual country you think when you think of Britain, even though... Right this is a music blog not a geography blog, my apologies. Anyway, the song is by the fictional character Mr. Blobby, from Noel's House Party, a family show from the 1990s I think. The character was hated by pretty much everybody, from the audience to the critics to the creators of the show in general, so you know, what could possibly go wrong right? Give a character that nobody likes a musical career, give George Lucas credit, Jar Jar Binks wasn't given a Hip-hop career.
The problems with this song begin with the farting instrumentals and obnoxious synth sounds. Oh boy, the problems with those, well first they never end, second they are obnoxious on their own, nobody likes the sound of a fart, and synth pop was left behind with the keytar and He-man in the 1980s, and this song was released in 1993, you know what else came out of '93? A little known song called "C.R.E.A.M.", that song was also released before this one, in January, where this was released in November, NOVEMBER! by that time you would have realized that this was a horrible idea. Third, they never end. Fourth, when they add in a drum beat it sounds about as real as the drumming to a Katy Perry song, U.S.S. has more convincing percussion sounds, and they don't even have a drummer. Finally, they never f*cking end, seriously, I didn't even get a minute into the song and I wanted to strangle my cat.
Believe it or not, Mr. Blobby himself does very little singing on this song, although probably because the only word he can actually say is "blobby", and there is this weird effect placed on his voice that just sounds creepy, I would not be surprised if there was a horror character based on Mr. Blobby. The actual singers on this track are mostly a choir of what I assume are children, and some female singer, they do alright, but it's a shame that they put actual effort into what is essentially a novelty song that nobody would ever find funny.
Much like "Starships" this song also lacks quite a lot of focus, starting with a chanting choir, than going onto something that sounds like the theme song to Cybersix had a child with the English theme to Mew Mew Power, and then goes into whatever begins at the minute and twenty-four second mark, it's like a cross between a military marching theme and a Sesame Street song. Then it goes back to the choir of children, and occasionally Mr. Blobby will say his only known word from time to time, actually, make that a lot, he says that one word quite often in this three minute and thirty-two second song, which may sound like a lot of time, but here is some perspective, "Whatzupwitu" another awful song is eleven seconds shorter, "Call Me Maybe" one of my most hated songs is nineteen seconds shorter, and "Starships" is almost the same length, being just two seconds shorter. Three minutes is pretty standard when it comes to singles.
This has often been called one of the worst songs of all time, and I can definitely see why. The instrumentals start off by farting their lack of a melody into your ear and end with a faux triumphant trumpet sound that makes me want to burn off my ears. The character to whom this is credited to does very little actual singing, the lyrics are just lip service to said character and when the character does open his mouth, his voice is f*cking creepy. This is one of the worst songs I've ever heard, and let's hope it's the lowest I sink this year.
I'm the Entity of Darkness, and the stupidest thing about this song is not the concept, the lyrics, the instrumentals or even the character, but the fact that this was certified Platinum, whereas Queen's "The Show Must Go On" didn't even certify in the U.K. and only certified Gold in France and Italy.
Seriously, What the actual f*ck?
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