What the Hell is this?
Well, this was a number one hit from 1991, I'll repeat, this song was a Number One in 1991, the same year "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)" defiled our ears. Being honest here, when people talk about music from early decades, most of the time it's the same as the final years of a previous decade. The only exceptions being the 1970s when the psychedelic era died down, and the 1990s where 1991 was kind of a strange point in music history. I mean, it's like 1989, but not really. I can't imagine songs like "Black or White", "Enter Sandman" or "I Touch Myself" in 1989, but then again it isn't hard to hear a song like "Losing my Religion" in 1989 either. 1991 was kind of a strange point in music history alongside 1982, 1976 and 2012.
This is one of the stranger songs, not because of the song itself but because it got popular enough to top the pop charts, and became the fifth biggest song of 1991. To give you some perspective, Mariah Carey had four charting songs that year, all of them charted lower than this. "Silent Lucidity" was also a chart hitter, landing the number 82 position, even EMF charted just below this song, at number six. This must have been a very good song to become that successful, or so you'd think. The most likely scenario is that this was just another case of a song that was very lucky to get as much airplay as it did, similar to the previously reviewed "Nothing's Gonna Change my Love for You".
The song opens with a preset synth riff, and it has the drum machine and this weird bass thing that sounds artificial mixed in. The synth itself could probably cause a headache, but the other stuff thrown in makes it extra annoying. If this qualifies as "Easy Listening" than I would also include a song like "Raining Blood" in there because that song is easier to listen to than this. Actually, can't I just do a blog about Slayer?
...No, I'm going to be hitting my Heavy Metal quota for the month quickly so probably not.
Anyway, after fifteen seconds of the annoying instrumentals, which feels like an eternity by the way, we get Timmy T here to sing the first line. You know, is it wrong to think of Timmy Turner whenever I hear that name? Maybe he actually wished that he had the voice of the blandest man in the world. Seriously, Peter Cetera has nothing on Timmy T, on blandness alone, he may be the worst vocalist in music, I don't even know if that is his actual voice or if it's auto-tuned. Honestly neither would surprise me.
The instrumentals just drone on, but the only reason the vocals don't is because they don't actually reach the level of drone on that I'm used to. There are speedy singers, then there are the normal singers, than there is this song, then there is "San Francisco", and finally there is "I Hate U, I Love U".
The we have the lyrics, and I will give Timmy T this, he is clear enough that I can hear every single clichéd apology word he sings. "Untitled" is the most clichéd song I've ever heard, but this takes a clear second place. Most of the lyrics are things that anybody would say to a loved one trying to win them back. "I didn't mean it", "It's been a long time since I held you", honestly it's just kind of pathetic.
Well, let's look at the chorus, and see if it offers anymore lyrical depth than the actual verses. Or the first chorus will start pretty much out of nowhere and still offer about as much lyrical depth as a puddle. Actually, a puddle is far more interesting than this.
This song sounds like a left-over from the 1970s, but this was from 1991. It may actually be the worst song from 1991, sure "Everything I Do (I Do it For You)" is more unbearable, but in terms of technicals and any entertainment, that song feels like Queen compared to this. The vocals are bland, the instrumentals are annoying and bland, the lyrics are clichéd and bland, and the whole song is one of the worst break up songs I have ever heard.
I'm the Entity of Darkness, and next time is... another break up song. If it is anything as bad as this song, I'm going to snap.
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