Auditory Abominations: "One More Try" - Timmy T

What the Hell is this?

Well, this was a number one hit from 1991, I'll repeat, this song was a Number One in 1991, the same year "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)" defiled our ears. Being honest here, when people talk about music from early decades, most of the time it's the same as the final years of a previous decade. The only exceptions being the 1970s when the psychedelic era died down, and the 1990s where 1991 was kind of a strange point in music history. I mean, it's like 1989, but not really. I can't imagine songs like "Black or White", "Enter Sandman" or "I Touch Myself" in 1989, but then again it isn't hard to hear a song like "Losing my Religion" in 1989 either. 1991 was kind of a strange point in music history alongside 1982, 1976 and 2012.

This is one of the stranger songs, not because of the song itself but because it got popular enough to top the pop charts, and became the fifth biggest song of 1991. To give you some perspective, Mariah Carey had four charting songs that year, all of them charted lower than this. "Silent Lucidity" was also a chart hitter, landing the number 82 position, even EMF charted just below this song, at number six. This must have been a very good song to become that successful, or so you'd think. The most likely scenario is that this was just another case of a song that was very lucky to get as much airplay as it did, similar to the previously reviewed "Nothing's Gonna Change my Love for You".

The song opens with a preset synth riff, and it has the drum machine and this weird bass thing that sounds artificial mixed in. The synth itself could probably cause a headache, but the other stuff thrown in makes it extra annoying. If this qualifies as "Easy Listening" than I would also include a song like "Raining Blood" in there because that song is easier to listen to than this. Actually, can't I just do a blog about Slayer?

...No, I'm going to be hitting my Heavy Metal quota for the month quickly so probably not.

Anyway, after fifteen seconds of the annoying instrumentals, which feels like an eternity by the way, we get Timmy T here to sing the first line. You know, is it wrong to think of Timmy Turner whenever I hear that name? Maybe he actually wished that he had the voice of the blandest man in the world. Seriously, Peter Cetera has nothing on Timmy T, on blandness alone, he may be the worst vocalist in music, I don't even know if that is his actual voice or if it's auto-tuned. Honestly neither would surprise me.

The instrumentals just drone on, but the only reason the vocals don't is because they don't actually reach the level of drone on that I'm used to. There are speedy singers, then there are the normal singers, than there is this song, then there is "San Francisco", and finally there is "I Hate U, I Love U".

The we have the lyrics, and I will give Timmy T this, he is clear enough that I can hear every single clichéd apology word he sings. "Untitled" is the most clichéd song I've ever heard, but this takes a clear second place. Most of the lyrics are things that anybody would say to a loved one trying to win them back. "I didn't mean it", "It's been a long time since I held you", honestly it's just kind of pathetic.

Well, let's look at the chorus, and see if it offers anymore lyrical depth than the actual verses. Or the first chorus will start pretty much out of nowhere and still offer about as much lyrical depth as a puddle. Actually, a puddle is far more interesting than this.

This song sounds like a left-over from the 1970s, but this was from 1991. It may actually be the worst song from 1991, sure "Everything I Do (I Do it For You)" is more unbearable, but in terms of technicals and any entertainment, that song feels like Queen compared to this. The vocals are bland, the instrumentals are annoying and bland, the lyrics are clichéd and bland, and the whole song is one of the worst break up songs I have ever heard.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and next time is... another break up song. If it is anything as bad as this song, I'm going to snap.

Auditory Abominations: "Everything I do (I Do it For You)" - Bryan Adams

Continuing on the theme of love songs that are not romantic in the very least, this song also allows me to explain why something being popular does not give it any form of quality. This was not just a number one of 1991, it was the number one of 1991, and this was the year that gave us Nevermind, Metallica, Blood Sugar Sex Magik, and Out of Time. 1991 was not a horrible year for music, in fact it may have been one of the best, but every year has its shovel ware.

Before I get into the big problem with this song, I want to discuss some of the minor issues with the song. Such as the horrible combination of the slow melody and Bryan Adam's voice which sounds as though he ate a sandpaper and staple salad with battery acid dressing. At the very least when other musicians that don't have the greatest voices sing, they sing in genres that compliment their vocals, Bob Dylan sang folk, Bruce Springsteen sang rock and Peter Cetera sang soft rock. When I compliment Peter Cetera, you know you've made an abomination.

Really the song at its core is a slow, dull song that tries to have dreamlike instrumentals and romantic lyrics, nothing I can fault the song over, except for one thing. Much like the previously reviewed "I Want to Know What Love is" by Foreigner, it is the fact that this was as successful as it was that makes it an abomination.

To put it into a perspective that I think some of you may understand, the fact that the song reached number one shows that people found this romantic, and those people have clearly never seen Casablanca.

"Everything I do I do it for you" is a meaningless statement, because the majority of people's life is doing something mundane, eating breakfast, reading a book, taking a walk, and they do all that mundane stuff that everybody does for you. I want people to remember that words like "Everything" and "All" are broad reaching terms, if I was to drink all the water on the planet, that would also mean that I would drink the polar ice caps, the clouds, the water in plants, the water in animals and the contaminated water in hazardous areas.

"Everything" does not mean the important stuff, or the noteworthy stuff, it means "Everything", meaning sneezing, being sick, calling his mother, watching TV, crying, doing his job, sitting in the dark, driving and all of that stuff is done for you. That is not romantic, that is obsession and an unhealthy one at that.

If somebody says they do everything for you and mean it, get them help because that is not a healthy thing. Somethings it is okay to do for other people, fighting, getting help, going to higher education you know things that can benefit other people. Saying you'll do everything for another person is almost as creepy and admitting to being a stalker.

This was the number one song of 1991, meaning that this proved empty, shallow, meaningless love songs had a place on the pop charts. It isn't the fact that the song is dull that makes it an abomination, but the fact that people thought it was romantic that makes it an abomination.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and don't forget, "Everything" is a broad-reaching word.

Ace Audio: "The Show Must Go On" - Queen

Ace Audio is a series where I look at songs that I don't think get enough appreciation, or analyze songs that I think are well loved, so I try to avoid well loved songs like "Stairway to Heaven" or "Run to the Hills". Although, there may be a case or two where I break my rule, I may not do it often but I will occasionally, like now.

Queen needs no introduction, if you don't know Queen you don't know music proper. They are one of the greatest, if not the greatest band who has ever performed with many amazing songs under their belt. Many of their songs are some of the greatest of all time from "Bohemian Rhapsody" to "Radio Gaga" and many more. I decided to go with this song because I really want to emphasise how important the song was to the band and to their fans.

The song is basically about Freddie Mercury and his continuous singing for the band despite his failing health. It was one of the last songs released before his death in 1991. To this, the song itself highly compliments this by having a very symphonic feel to it all, kind of like the end of an opera. It gives the song a very triumphant sound, as if saying this is not the end.

Even though at this point he was terminally ill, Freddie still kills it on the vocals. This is a testament to how amazing of a vocalist Freddie Mercury was, as he still has all that power and range even when dying. This is why Freddie is recognized as the greatest singer in music, because even though others had the range like Ray Charles, and others had the power like Screamin' Jay Hawkins, very few had both, and none to such an impressive degree.

The rest of the band does an awesome job as well, Roger Taylor especially kills it with those drums and John Deacon plays an awesome bass. However, it's Brian May that steals the show when it comes to the instrumentals with his precise guitar playing, it really does add to the whole rock orchestra feel of the song.

When we talk about the best of Queen, yes "Bohemian Rhapsody" and "We Are the Champions" are always going to be in our hearts, but "The Show Must Go On" is a testament to the band as a whole. Sure, this could've been entirely Freddie's doing, and his ultimate final song, but no, this was a whole band effort and they did not pull out any stops.

The song sounds incredible and it was the perfect track to end on. It may be, objectively speaking, the best Queen song ever. It was the bands ultimate song and it gave the fans Freddie's ultimate vocal performance. It is a very important song to all Queen fans.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and the show...

It must go on!