Auditory Abominations: "Girls" - Beastie Boys

"Awful song from an otherwise good artist" counter: 5
Yeah that's right, I'm keeping count now.

I think this is one of those songs that gets a free pass from people because "It's not meant to be taken seriously, it's silly, it's meant to be a joke" but I don't buy those excuses. This song sucks, and here are the reasons why.

For starters, that opening beat sounds like the theme tune to a children's game show got thrown into an NES and was mixed with "Axel F" after it went through the ZX Spectrum. It lasts for seven seconds but it becomes obnoxious at the first. Then it gets worse, the vocals kick in.

This song is sung by Ad-Rock and his voice is high and nasally, but I've heard worse. That is the thing, when you're talking about a song you hate from a band you love, or even just like, there is surprisingly little you can say on the topic of singers. However, I will say that the vocal work combined with the obnoxious beat make me about as happy as having an infected splinter on my foot.

Speaking of obnoxious the songs flow is just that. It's simple sing-speaking with a large emphasis on one word after every sentence. It becomes grating really fast and the word they put the most emphasis on, "Girls", because obviously.

It also makes the song sound repetitive, although it isn't. Still though, the fact is that the beat and flow are so bad that they make the only part of the song that isn't repetitive, sound like it is, that is some kind of feat that I'll give it credit for, I've never heard a song with that problem. I've also never seen a beached whale be mutilated by a fork lift until Family Guy so take that for what it's worth.

But okay, flow is one thing, how are the actual lyrics? Well, they are kind of split on my feelings towards them. The first bit is Ad-Rock talking about his love for women, and I get the same feeling from this bit of the song that I get from a song like "I Want to Know What Love Is", but that may just be me. The second bit is probably the best part of the song lyrically, he's talking about a woman whom he fancied, but she fancied MCA, and honestly, the only thing that ruins it again is the flow and beat. The final part is my least favourite, honestly if the song ended with the final line and how it was sung, sure the song would still be an abomination, but at least it would have ended on something high instead of this sexist group of lyrics.

I've heard that this song was not supposed to be taken seriously, which is fine, but that doesn't stop the song from being awful. If anything it actually makes it worse because when the artists don't take it seriously the song ends up becoming worse than it normally would. For a good example, Weird Al probably doesn't take his song super seriously, but what makes them funny is that he takes the music he makes seriously. It might sound like an oxymoronic statement, but you do have to take what you do seriously, even if you aren't supposed to take the song seriously, that is why I had trouble talking about "Bananaphone" as Raffi, even though made an annoying song, took the song seriously, or at least took it seriously while making it.

Honestly, I'd much rather listen to "Bananaphone" over this, that song was annoying but this was obnoxious. The beat pounded on my ears, the flow made the song worse, the lyrical quality is all over the place, this song is one of the worst to come out of the 1980s, and I completely forgot how awful this song was.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, jus... Just No!

Ace Audio: "Always Something There to Remind Me" - Naked Eyes

With my last post talking about two songs that really show the power of music, I thought it would be fitting to talk about a song that, while may not be a classic, really resonates with me on a personal level. I remember the first time I heard this song was when I got a compelation CD of 80's British classics from my step-dad, although it was not the last song on the disc, I usually stopped the CD after it.

Although the song begins with a fast percussion beat, it really starts with a nice ringing of bells and a musical style that accompanies this. This is interesting because the bells could be Church bells, signifying a wedding, a funearl or the passage of time, and neither are surprisingly the less cheery option as you will find as the song goes on.

Lyrically, the singer is remembering someone, most likely somebody he loved. Whether they just drifted apart or if worse happened, it's not clear, but what is clear is that the memory remains, in a sense she'll always be a part of him.

That is the part that resonates with me the most, and this is where the song becomes an Ace Audio for me. This is going to get a little personal.

You see, as a child I moved to three different schools, and I spent the longest time at the second one, that's where I met a lot of friends. Even though it has been literal years, possibly even a full decade since I've last seen them, I'm always going to remember them, my time with them has become mere memory to me, but they are very strong memories and I could never forget them.

I guess this song really brings forth the memories of my friends and the things we did. Although I have made more friends in the past, some of which may be stronger than my friends of childood, I can never let the memory go, and I personally don't want to.

This is what makes the song special to me, and I know that the point of the song is not what I ascribe to it, but that is what the song means to me, and isn't the interpretation of the listener just as valid as the interpretation of the writer?

To give you an idea of how personal this song is to me, it's currently in my top ten favourite songs of all time. To give you some perspective, "Tom Sawyer", "Bohemian Rhapsody", "Octavarium" and "Stairway to Heaven" are also in my top ten, they all rank higher than this song yes, but they are still in my personal favourite songs list.

That really goes to show the power that music has, it makes me remember things, feel things, learn things. Music is the mixture of writing, performace and audience centered art, and this is in my opinion, one of the songs that perfectly captures that. It is not a perfect song, hey, it might not even be a good song, but I would be lying if I said it isn't a personal favourite.

I'm te Entity of Darkness, and it's fitting that this is the end to my Ace Audio mini-marathon.

Auditory Abominations: "Mickey" - Toni Basil (80's Marathon Finale)

Alright, last song of this marathon. After this I'm going to go to a song far from this decade.

Anyway, Hey Mickey! Yeah this song is um... something. Okay, look the 80s were weird. From our punk rap song, to that news reading dance song and also to odd songs like "Mexican Radio" and "Throw the 'R' Away". I like to say that the 1980s was the decade you could get away with anything in music. In fact, there is still so much 80s weirdness I haven't even looked at yet. I will end up doing a review of songs like "Dog Police" and I dunno insert weird obscure song from the 1980s here.

I think that it is only fair that I look at one of the more well known weird songs, and this one is not exactly weird for the same reasons something like "Dog Police" is weird, it's weird in a different way, to put it simply, if this song was released in the 2010s, sure it will still be shite, but it would have been a touch less weird. Remember, this was the 1980s, when we had the music video for "Land of Confusion", Kenny G had a number one hit this decade, and The Proclaimers released their first two albums in this decade as well. So, what makes this song so weird? Well, it may have completely kick started the 1980s. what do I mean by that? I mean that 1980 and 1981 were just like the left-overs of the 1970s, I mean what was popular at that time? "Cars", "Rock With You", "Celebration" you get the idea, songs that sound more at home in a decade like the 1970s, in fact a lot of it actually was from the 1970s, and then 1982 happened, when we got this, The Human League, and the best song of the early 80s, "Physical". 1982 may just be the oddest year of the 1980s.

But that is all why this song is weird, why is song bad? Well, there is one major reason, and the song opens with that major reason. Cheerleader chanting! Cheerleaders only work in high sporting events because the energy is already high there, and even then nobody really likes their cheering, their pretty much just there because eye candy. Also, the opening drum beat is... I don't want to say it's repetitive, especially since most drum beats are, but that is why they are not the prominent instrument in a song, and when they do open a song, they often change the drum beat in the song like with Quiet Riot's "Cum on Feel the Noize".

The opening synth isn't terrible, it's annoying but that is just my disdain for synth speaking. There are some good and stylized synth songs out there, this isn't one of them, but it is passable for what it is.

You know, aside from that this is not really the worst song of the 1980s, I mean it's mindless and annoying, but it is not as annoying as "We Built This City". It's uninteresting but not as much as "Glory of Love". Essentially, this is just an upbeat pop song of the 1980s, although there is something interesting to talk about. This song is a gender bent cover!

A "Gender Bent Cover" is a cover song that swaps the gender around, think Aretha Franklin's cover of "Respect" and even Joan Jett's cover of "I Love rock and Roll". Essentially take a song from one gender, and reverse it, like Soft Cell's cover of "Tainted Love".

The original song was not called "Mickey" it was actually called "Kitty" by the band Racey in 1979, and was absent from having a cheerleader chant. Now, this song also sucks, but it is not as obnoxious and at the very least "Oh Kitty what a pity" sounds better than "Oh Mickey what a pity". So yeah, I'd much rather listen to this version than the cover. So how many awful covers does that lead me up to? Really, only four? Hmm... I'm doing better at avoiding awful covers than I thought.

Anyway, the lyrics in both are general lovey dovey crap, "You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand", how mushy. That really is it, like I said, not the most interesting of songs.

So, final verdict? "Mickey" is the worse version, since it added in an obnoxious cheerleader chant. Even then, the song is just a dull love song that is only remembered because of said cheerleader chant.

And that concludes my 80's marathon. Despite the choices I picked, this was kind of fun, I loved looking at a lot of these songs almost forgotten to time. I don't think I can pick out one worse song from my Abominations list, although right now "Funky Man" is taking the top spot.

Well, let's step away from the 1980s for a bit, and go back even further in time! I'm the Entity of Darkness, and I'm glad this 80's marathon is finally over!

Also, one last note, the music video is actually pretty fun.

Ace Audio: "Atlantis" - Angel Witch (80's Marathon Part 5/6)

The 1980s were one of the best decades for Heavy Metal. From the beasts of Metallica and Slayer, to the badass levels of Motorhead and Dio, to the delightful hair bands of Def Leppard and Van Halen, to everything else like Candlemass and Manowar. So, inevitably I was going to talk about one of these metal songs during my marathon, but which one though? Well, I decided that I should go with a relatively obscure band to even the playing field a bit, since my last Ace looked at a song everybody knows and loves. This is also one of the times I picked a song literally at random, so if I am not reviewing their best song, that is why. I chose this song because, while listening to the whole album, I was not too impressed by the first song, and this was the song that did get me hooked on the album. Second track too, not bad.

The songs kicks off with a mix of drums and an awesome guitar riff and then kicks into a more early heavy metal sound, not like Steppenwolf or Black Sabbath, more like Judas Priest. The instrumentals themselves are pretty great, and really do add to the song. The frontman Kevin Heybourne doesn't do too bad a job with his vocal performance. Granted it isn't the most metal thing in the world, and it can be a little distracting, but I think it works.

The lyrics do a fine job as well, being about apocalypse, and the rise of Atlantis, one of the more intriguing cities of mythology. The chorus is especially awesome, every time I hear it I also want to chant "Atlantis to rise" along with the band.

We get a pretty good guitar solo, and some of it is actually just the guitar, which is a nice touch. Jay Evans does an amazing job on this track, and Dave Hogg's drum work is also superb.  The song then ends with one more yell of the chorus and some more amazing instrumental work.

The album this song was on received some positive reviews, although one person hated it for it's production and weak vocals. Honestly, neither of those were issues with this song, as the instrumentals were solid, and vocals worked although were not the best, and the chorus was anthemic when it needed to be. Some have even said that this was one of the most important albums of the 1980s, and you can hear some Thrash Metal in this song especially. The funny thing is that this album was released in 1980, and it wouldn't be until 1983 that Thrash Metal would get decent footing with Metallica's Kill 'em All. Although this album wasn't why Thrash Metal took off, Hell it's debatable if it even is Thrash Metal, I can definitely hear it as early thrash and I think it is an underrated gem from the 1980s, a bit rough and maybe needs a bit of polish, but still of some value.

The band is actually still around as of now, although not the same line-up. So if you like what you heard, check out more of their stuff, the album is actually pretty good to, I'm going to have to find a copy. As for this song, I know it isn't the best the band has to offer, so I may come back to them eventually, but this was the point where I knew the album was going to be good, so I felt like this was the right song to choose.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and this marathon is almost over, just one more song to go. I don't even care what song I'm doing, let's get it over with. Wait, what's this...?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Auditory Abominations: "Glory of Love" - Peter Cetera (80's Marathon Part 4/6)

All the way back in my third review ever, I talked about the band Chicago, and their abomination of a song "If You Leave Me Now". Is Chicago the worst thing to happen to music? Hell no, since then I have heard a bad novelty song from a character everybody hated, The blandest metal in the world, and of course the nightmare that is Limp Bizkit. However, one thing I will say is that something terrible did indeed come from Chicago, and did indeed become one of the worst things to happen to music, "Look Away" which became the number one hit of 1989, but that's not the subject today. Today is another one of the worst things to happen because of the band Chicago, Peter Cetera's solo career. Yes, the frontman of Chicago has a solo career, he hasn't released anything since 2005, but he struck it big in the 1980s, and released this song to massive success. This song entirely blows, and is one of the worst songs of the 1980s, I wouldn't say it's worse than the previous songs I looked at, but it's worse than "Funkytown" and that song really got on my nerves. So, why is this song a glorious suckfest? Well, let's have a listen. Glorious suckfest, that doesn't sound right.

This track begins with piano, or at the very least a Casio. Right off the bat we are given an introduction to how god damn bland this song is going to be. I mean, "Walking in Memphis" has some pretty basic keyboards, but that song actually has some life to it, and I just figured out the main problem with this song within six seconds didn't I? Yep, this is going to be about as emotional as the acting from the Star Wars prequels, Hell I give those credit they at least had Ewan McGregor.

Can I end this review right here? I mean, this is practically going to be the exact damn thing as Chicago right? Well, I chose this song for my 80's marathon. Instead of something like, "Agadoo" or "Dog Police", but hey, maybe this song will give me something else to talk about, like how not to go solo.

Well, here is a first rule for going solo, don't sound like auto-tune, I hate how artists use auto-tune when they don't know why they should use it. This isn't being used for effects in this song, unless the effect is to make Peter Cetera's voice sound tolerable, which good luck on that front. Seriously though, Peter's voice sounds so artificial that Siri sounds more human.

Unfortunately though, that is really all there is to say, I mean what do I say about the lyrics? They're just a cheesy love song, filled with more sap than a Canadian brunch. Although I do take a lot of joy in the idea of Peter Cetera singing "I am a man who would fight for your honor/ I'll be the hero you're dreaming of" to a crowd of people who laugh him off stage because they can't take this line seriously. But then I realize that this was a Number 1 hit, and I remember that "I Want to Know What Love Is" was also a Number 1 hit. What was with the 80s and people taking cheesy, sappy love songs like this seriously?

The Instrumentals? Bleh, I mean they do their job, albeit poorly, but they do it. The faux drums don't sound awful and the keyboard just kinds of takes a back seat to Peter Cetera's auto-tuned dog whistle vocals. So, what else do I say about this song? Do I talk about the album it came from?
Actually, where did it come from?

From an album released to coincide with the theatrical release of... KARATE KID PART II? And it was originally written to end Rocky IV? This song, this fluffier than mousse, substance free, lighter than Helium waste of time, was written for an adrenaline pumping sports movie like Rocky? Then was used for a similar movie like The Karate Kid? You know what their previous movies used for themes? Rocky III had "Eye of the Tiger" one of the best pump up anthems ever, and The Karate Kid had "You're the Best Around" similarly one of the best pump up anthems ever. This was the song they thought could follow up "You're the Best Around"? I mean, if this was a Goonies song than maybe I'd understand, but then again maybe that would have made The Goonies so unbearably boring that it wouldn't even be worth it.

Granted, I never have seen Karate Kid Part 2, but I have seen the fourth movie, or a bit of it. It was meh if you're wondering. However, I think I'll steer clear of Part 2 if this is the theme. Like what do I even say about it? The singing just sounds auto-tuned, the instrumentals are bleh, the lyrics are cheesy and it was made to be the main theme to a movie that didn't fit with it.

Oh well, I'm the Entity of Darkness and, I need some old school metal.

Auditory Abominations: "Dance with Me" - Reginald Bosanquet (80's Marathon Part 3/6)

Yes! This is a real thing, and no I did not make this up to troll you. Just like with Richard Cheese and "Mr. Blobby", I'm digging up something that some of you may not have heard of, whether that is a good thing or not I'll leave that up for you to decide. I figured doing this song in the middle of the marathon would be best since I could begin and end with a more well known song that I can actually find footage of. That is the problem with relying on YouTube for videos because even though they are a massive website, they still don't have everything. This little gem came from 1980, by a newscaster. I'm not kidding, the singer of this song, was a newscaster, who was the son of a famous Cricket player, Bernard Bosanquet. Reginald worked at ITN and BBC for a while, and he died in 1984 from Pancreatic Cancer. I'm telling all of this to you, because this is one of the cases where the artist, is actually far more interesting that the art, which happens a lot unfortunately.

The song begins with an okay guitar and bass, not great but not terrible either. This could open a dance song of a decade like the 1980s. This however is interrupted by our "Singer", who sounds like a drunk old man, which at this point considering he was bordering fifty at the time, is quite a possibility. Have you heard the Epic Rap Battle of History between Roosevelt and Churchill? Well, Reginald sounds kind of like an older version of Dan Bull, and kind of drunker too. The YouTube description really says it best though, "...with Reggie seemingly unaware of what day it is, never mind he's supposed to be making a record...".

Reginald doesn't even really sing speak per say, he just talks like a news broadcast, which would be fine if this was a novelty song from the 70s, but then again, the most popular novelty hits from the 1970s were "Disco Duck" and "Convoy", which are both songs on my chopping block.

Amazingly, I can actually find the lyrics to this song, and umm... they're lyrics alright. Again, dance songs don't really need complex lyrics, but when you sing your opening lyrics with little to no enthusiasm whatsoever, and your opening lyrics are "Move up, move down, move round, move side" I don't think that one can excuse the poor grammar and writing in the lyrics. There are other lyrics that should be sang with any enthusiasm or charm, but they aren't, I never thought that I'd ever hear the phrase "Dance doowop, doowop all week" sang with no enthusiasm.

I also get the strange feeling like there is trying to be sexy or something, which is impossible considering the way he is "singing" this song. Yeah, if you want to pull of sexy, you got to have the voice to match. Marvin Gaye, Prince, they pulled of sexy so perfectly that some of their most well known songs are about the subject. What really kills any idea of sex appeal to this guy though is his singing style. Who wants to dance to this? The music is good, but much like Limp Bizkit, the problem is the vocalist.

Reginald Bosanquet is such a bad "singer", that I don't even think he gave any vocal work to this track, I think that this is just a prank that somebody pulled by recording his voice and adding it to music. Although, technology was not that advanced in the 1980s, but it was advanced enough.

It's songs like this, "Disco Duck", and "Mr. Blobby" that give the novelty song a bad name. Novelty songs can be done well, especially in the hands of people like Weird Al, Flight of the Concords, The Arrogant Worms, hell even Aurelio Voltaire has done a fair share of silly songs that aren't supposed to be taken seriously. Seriously, next Easter, play "Bunnypocalypse". Don't let songs that miss the point of being a novelty cloud your judgment on novelty songs in general.

Being a novelty song is not just doing something weird or wacky, you do have to put effort into being funny. These are not just the kind of songs that people play for a good laugh, if done well, these songs can actually take on a life of their own. There are many people who are fans of Weird Al and have probably never even heard of the original songs he is parodying. Hell, sometimes I myself play a goofy song by bands like Moxy Fruvous and Aurelio Voltaire because I'm in the mood for them.

This is not a funny song, it is not a song I can take seriously, but it is a song that exists. That is really all I can say about it.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and I need to listen to "Safety Dance".

Ace Audio: "Take on Me" - A-ha (80's marathon part 2/6)

The 1980s gave us a lot of music that was, very much reminiscent of the time. This is true for all decades, and most of the songs that are, let's say representative of their respective decade, aren't always the best. The problem with many of these songs is that they are outdated, which does not make an interesting review. Songs like "We Built This City" are bad songs, but not the most interesting kind of bad songs. A dated song that "Glycerine" is more interesting because it's problems were not common to songs of the era, "We Built This City" is a song that has problems that were common for the time, which makes it less interesting to review, and in some cases listen to. Songs that are outdated are generally those songs you put in the background for noise while you work, not to dissimilar to a podcast or a video review you've seen before, even I was watching a few reviews while writing this review.

Anyway, I bring this up because, one of the more interesting things to review are dated songs that are actually good.

"Take on Me" is a song that practically defines the 80s, you take one listen to this song and you immediately think 1980s, similar to how you hear "Eve of Destruction" and think 1960s. This is something you can do in any decade, at the risk of making your song dated. This is the surprising thing about this song though, although it is dated by a long time, it has also never aged a bit. Unlike a song like "Johnny B. Goode" which you can tell is from the fifties and yet also hasn't aged a bit, this song could not have been as successful as it was before or after the 1980s. The fact that it does not sound dated, and yet is completely dated is a baffling thought that could only have been pulled of in the 1980s. "Take on Me" is my favourite of these kinds of 80s songs, but there is also "Safety Dance", "Whip It", "Land of Confusion", "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)", "Mexican Radio" among many others. These are the songs that are obviously from the 1980s, and so unashamed of being from the 1980s that in a strange way, they actually become sort of timeless.

But what is a claim without a fact to back it up, short answer a YouTube Copyright claim. So, is this song still an 80's classic, or should we leave it in a box alongside Simon and our unsolved Rubik's Cubes. Seriously, who actually solved them in that day and age?

The song opens with a very catchy faux drum beat. I don't actually hate drum machines, sure I prefer real drums, but honestly, they don't bother me too much because they aren't often a big part in songs. Especially in a song like this, or something by Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker. Then, we get one of the most iconic and memorable synth lines of the 80s, NEIGH, of all time. How memorable is it? Pitbull sampled it for "Feel this Moment", to absolutely no avail, that was one of the worst songs of 2013.

Although the instrumentals give the song a very nice beat to it, the vocals are not to be overlooked. Morten Harket can range from very smooth to incredible high notes. The chorus is one of the most recognizable and memorable parts of the song. Everybody who has heard this has tried to replicate the very high notes Morten has used.

The instrumental break is also a very nice touch, I especially love the piano that kind of gives off a vibe that escalates into something tense. However, after that we get the iconic bit of the song once more, that synth riff is so good, and it's so damn catchy. It makes the song even better, one of the best songs of the 1980s, in my opinion.

I guess I should also talk about the lyrics, well, it's a love song and what don you expect it was an 80's pop hit. Not that they can't have lyrical depth or anything, I mean "Born in the USA" was a hit as was "Welcome to the Jungle", but the majority of them are songs about love, or related to love. It's telling when one of the songs that the 80's is known for is called "The Power of Love".

Yes, this song is dated, but it's dated in all of the best ways. Any generation can listen to it, and even if they will know it came from a different decade, it summarizes all of the best parts about said decade. The upbeat pop music, the unique vocalists and some of the catchiest music of all time.

Yes, this song holds up, even if not in the ways most songs hold up. I'm the Entity of Darkness, and the 80's marathon is just starting.

Auditory Abominations: "Funky Man" - Dee Dee King (80's Marathon Part 1/6)

You know what? Let's do a marathon. Yeah, I've been more interested in the 1980s this year, so I figure I may as well do a bit of an 80's marathon, which should consist of four Abominations and two Aces. The 80s as I have stated previously, is both the best and worst decade for music, the best because of all the awesome music that we got from this decade, to numerous to name but for a small list, "Master of Puppets", "Learning to Fly", "Tom Sawyer", "Take on Me" and "Welcome to the Jungle", amazing classics that every fan of music at least know. It is also the decade that gave us the four chord pop song, the decade that gave us Synth Pop and the decade that gave us plenty of stinkers from "I Want to Know What Love Is", "Nothing's Gonna Change my Love for You" and "We Built This City". Since I already covered those songs, I think I'm going to branch out a bit, and start with a terrible song, from an artist who should know better, this is Dee Dee King, or as he is better known as Dee Dee Ramone.

Yes, Dee Dee Ramone had a hip-hop career, and no, we are just getting started with how bizarre the 1980s were for music. My next abomination is going to be a dance song that is sung like a news report, the funny thing is you think I'm kidding! However, staying focused, this is only one of the weird pieces of crap from the 1980s, you know, the decade that gave us "Physical" and "Agadoo" and yes I am going to get to those songs eventually. However, I want to start with this one because, the Ramones were one of the most important bands in the world, and one of the members, decided to start a rap career. It's just bizarre and I won't get over that fact, you can say that punk rock is overrated, but we can all agree that this song is shite.

The opening drum beats are simple, I hate it when drums are used this way. When used correctly drums can add a new layer of mood to the song, think "Lazarus" or "The Sound of Silence" (either version). The other opening instrument, which I'm going to assume is some kind of guitar, doesn't work for me. It may be the sound, but it just doesn't work. Also, there those effects like from the opening of "Tom Sawyer" which is an actual good song and one of my favourite songs ever. This kind of sound worked their because they only used it once.

I'll give the instrumentals credit though, they sound a hell of a lot better than Dee Dee does. His voice is raspy and nasally, like if Marilyn Manson and Bob Dylan were singing coaches to the same person. The vocals also nearly drown out the instrumentals, but on other times Dee Dee's rapping style moves to fast it's like he is mumbling his lyrics. For comparison, Macklemore and Busta Rhymes both rap fast, but they're style is smooth and flowing. Dee Dee Ramone sounds like he is forcing every word out of his mouth, and the lines are delivered about as smooth as a nail bed.

The lyrics are also utter shite, and not just the part where he goes "fu-fu-fu-fu-funky!". No, Dee Dee sang worse lyrics than that, arguably though that may just be the best line in the whole song though because, Dee Dee King is a bit of an egocentric. He loves to tell people he was the bassist in a punk rock band, and his name is Dee Dee Ramone. Yeah, I know he calls himself Dee Dee King, but even he just says he is Dee Dee Ramone. Does he want to be called his stage name, or by his original stage name, wow this just got confusing.

The instrumentals somehow deteriorated. This is a large problem with doing these kind of text reviews because, I can't describe with 100 percent accuracy how bad the song actually sounds, so if you want to hear the guitar work around this portion, that is the reason why the song and video are posted up at the top. So, if you want me to describe the instrumentals, you know that trick that some guitarists do, where they play a not but it sounds kind of blocked or something, that's what is happening. I could end this review here, but we aren't even two minutes in, and this is a four minute song.

There is this odd part of the song (Saying a lot I know), where it almost sounds like somebody else is singing. Which begs the question, if he can lower his voice like that, than why does he sing with all that rasp? The song does practically end with him doing the same thing, with the same lyrics over and over again.

This song was awful. If Dee Dee Ramone wanted a rap career, fine more power to him, but he did so in such a horrible way that he never released another single afterwards. Everybody knew this song was terrible, and it was still released. Dee Dee's poor vocal work, painful flow, the awful instrumentals and the bad and repetitious lyrics, Dee Dee King definitely made one of the worst songs of all time.

Look, the 80s were an amazing time for music, but this is the kind of garbage you would get if you tried to make fun of the 80s by mixing together two genres that should not go together, punk rock is a very messy, rough and uncut genre, hip-hop is a stylized and smooth genre that requires rhythm and flow, the two can be mixed as we have seen with Rage Against the Machine, but the band knew what they were doing and how to properly mix the two genres, and they aren't even punk rock.

I'm done, next time will be an Ace on one of the most iconic songs of the 1980s.

Auditory Abomination: "Funkytown" - Pseudo Echo

No this is not the song you are thinking of, I like that song. This is a cover, a synth rock cover of a disco track.

So, let's talk about covering songs from different genres, again. Although Pat Boone's "Smoke on the Water" was complete and utter cringe, and Richard Cheese's "Guerilla Radio" may just be one of the worst songs I've ever heard in my life, Pseudo Echo's cover of "Funkytown" may be the most depressing case of this. You see, Richard Cheese is not taking himself seriously, but even then, he's covering songs that a lot of people actually know, like "Closer". "Closer" is not a song that was huge on the Hot 100, peaking at number 41, but many people actually know the song, even if just for the crazy music video. Pat Boone did a cover album of hard rock and heavy metal songs that lot's of people knew like "Holy Diver" and "Enter Sandman". Pseudo Echo did a cover of a one-hit wonder, and this was their only hit, there has got to be some irony in that.

Now, the original "Funkytown" is one of my favourite songs of all time, I love how cheery it is and the robotic voice at the end is just so cool. So, what is Pseudo Echo's plan to cover it? Throw in some disco elements? Nope, make it a dated synth pop track, but that is not the biggest problem with the song, after all Johnny Cash took the industrial rock song "Hurt" and turned into a gothic country song, and made it amazing, so anything works.

So, how does this song start? With an electric guitar riff, granted it's not a bad one, but it doesn't fit the song. The song is about going somewhere that will "Keep me moving/ keep me grooving with some energy." When I hear an electric guitar riff, I don't think shake your hips, move your legs; I think bang your god damn head. but hey, maybe the song will get better.

Or it will just become "Funkytown" almost randomly. The only way this song even transitions into "Funkytown" is by snare drum, and granted this was before "St. Anger", but even in the 80's it should have been known that loud snare drums are not a good idea. The opening instrumentals mix poorly, the synth is dominant, as it should be, but I feel as though the guitar was just kind of pasted in because "We need to make this a rock song!", the snare drum is also there, reminds me a lot of "The Look" actually, which I mean, there are worse things to be compared to.

Although I can't say the frontman Brian Canham is a terrible singer, "Funkytown" is not the song for him. The song itself even is not a fit for "Funkytown", because I believe that "Funkytown" should actually be you know, funky. This song is not funky, it's the equivalent of making a somber and depressing folk song and energized and hardcore Pop Metal song, you're missing the point of the song and why the song works.

Even if you don't like the original, you can at least admit that there is appeal, and yes there is appeal here, but not a whole lot. I don't like this song as a fan of rock music, 80's music or even pop music.

The vibe I'm getting from this song is Boyband, and not a good one like The Jackson Five or The Beatles, I mean one like One Direction.

I won't bother going into the lyrics because "Funkytown" is not a song that prides itself on it's lyrics. However, I will say that when you completely throw the point of a song out the window, especially when the point of the song is practically built into the song itself, you probably should change the lyrics.

I get that a song can be covered in different styles every now and again, Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah" for a good example, or hell even Aurelio Voltaire's "Hallelujah", both of those are different styles from the Leonard Cohen original, but they still match the tone. "Hallelujah" is not a happy song, and "Funkytown" is not a head banging song. You have to match either tone, point or style to make a good cover, or barring that you should make a cover that redoes the song and puts a different spin on it, like what Nirvana did with "The Man Who Sold the World", just as long as the different spin works.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and I hope this is the last awful cover I talk about.

Auditory Abominations: "Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You" - Glenn Mederios

And thus, we take another trip to the 1980s, the only decade that is simultaneously one of the best and one of the worst decades for music, so far the only one because the 2010s is still not over.

What makes the 80s such a strange decade is all the one hit wonders that came and went from that time, sure there are the likes of Iron Butterfly and Barry McGuire in the 60s, and there is also groups like Jars of Clay and in some respects Aurelio Voltaire in the more modern era. The 80s on the other hand, oh boy there was, just off the top of my head, Aha, A Flock of Seagulls, Midnight Oil, Devo, Dexy's Midnight Runners, Pseudo Echo, Will to Power, The Vapors, Soft Cell, Twisted Sister, Wall of Voodoo, Bruce Willis, Eddie Murphy, The Psychedelic Furs, Living in a Box, even technically Rainbow, and almost none of their songs sound like anything else, and trust me, a lot of them were not great, but I think this may be the worst of the bunch.

Technically, this guy isn't a one hit wonder, he had one other hit, but you know I don't think a lot of people really care or know about that song so my point still stands. This guy is Glenn Mederios, a Hawaiian singer who got to record this song for winning a contest and just out of luck, someone happened to play it while in the mainland states and word of mouth spread quickly making this song a hit, the funny thing is you think I'm kidding. However, being honest that probably is the only way this song could've ever become popular.

The song is essentially the filler you would find on Karaoke Machines with very little actual songs on them. It especially starts that way with the slow synth and a saxophone. The instrumentals don't make me think of anything other than pre-set beat and karaoke night embarrassment.

Glenn himself sounds like Lionel Richie with a touch of nasal, and I'm not a big fan of Lionel Richie, so take what I say here with a grain of salt but, he is a better vocalist than Glenn Mederios.

You may notice that I have actually little to really say about either aspect of the song, and that is mostly because that is all they are, bland and dull, like what do you really expect me to say? It is not a bland like "Afternoon Delight" where there is a lot to talk about because of the time period it came out in and the lyrical content, it's more a bland like "We Built This City" except that song also was a little bit obnoxious, this is just boring.

Even the lyrics aren't interesting, about the same as "You complete me, completely vague woman that I love.", you know the type of song Bo Burnham made fun of with "Repeat Stuff", which incidentally is not only a better song, also a funny song, which I'm only writing as a way to remind myself of the next abomination I have to do.

Really, the only interesting thing about this song is the awfully boring music video that looks as though it is missing the karaoke lyrics near the bottom of the screen. Other than that though, the song is painfully boring, even when Glenn puts "power" in his vocals it does nothing except make me appreciate Lionel Richie.

So, yeah, a boring song. Which considering my next review, quite honestly may actually be necessary. I'm the Entity of Darkness and, leave it to the Brits to give a musical career to a character that nobody liked, that is what's next.

Ace Audio: "Fairytale of New York" - The Pogues ft. Kristy MacColl

Well, 'tis the time of year for pop stars to sing the time-tested carols for the consumers to eat up. The vast majority of Christmas music is mostly just covers of classic Christmas songs, not that any of them are bad, in fact with the right people, you can make a really good version of the classic. As much as I would love to cover one of the classics on this blog, I actually want to start with one of my personal favourite Christmas tunes. A popular gem from the 1980s known as "Fairy Tale of New York".

This is not my favourite Christmas song because it hasn't been covered by thousands of people, this is my favourite because it is not all "happy, joyous, and all that stuff." It starts off with a slow piano and a droning singer, and when I say droning, I mean he extends most of his lines, like "It was CHIIISTMAAS EEEVE BAAAABE." as a fair example. This is not a hindrance to the song though, as it helps establish the mood and tone of the song pretty much as the song starts, which means the rest of the song can be dedicated to the events of the song.

The song tells a story, and I love it when a song does this. This particular story is about an Irish immigrant couple, whose lives are ruined by addictions and bickering.

The opening does start off slow and somber, but after a little bit (about a minute in) the song adds some string instruments and Kristy MacColl offers her vocal talents. The sound is a good juxtaposition to the kind of depressing lyrics, although the first verse and chorus are pretty happy. I mean, the two reminisce about meeting, saying "You were handsome/ You were pretty, queen of New York City." and "We kissed on the corner, then danced through the night". It is a pretty joyous part of the song.

However, after that the song becomes pretty depressing. Now the two are throwing insults at each other, and wishing this was their last Christmas together. This portion of the song caused a little bit of controversy, although I think censoring the lyrics kind of ruins the portion. Also keep in mind that the particular word they use, has a different meaning in different places, especially in the U.K. where the band is from. This is also made a bit more clear by adding the words "Cheap, lousy" at the beginning, implying uselessness, which is generally what you would not want in a small bundle of sticks or a cigarette. Although, yeah it could be a slur, I wasn't a British person in 1980's I was barely even a sperm cell.

The final portion of the song is slower than the others, it is probably where the guy is trying to get the girl back, but it is not made very clear because of the length before the chorus. Seriously, there are like three of four lines and then BAM, "The boys of the NYPD Choir were singing Galway Bay," and then instrumentals. It still is a nice part of the song, but maybe one of two more lyrics could have made it stronger, or maybe made the song worse I don't know, I did not write it.

While I am on the subject, I do love the chorus, it is short, but gives a nice image, and I love the lines "And the bells were ringing out, for Christmas day." it just makes me feel good.

If you're tired of the usual Christmas carols and want something less like "It's Beginning to look a lot like Christmas" than I would recommend this one. It sounds like no other holiday song I've ever heard, and does not use the holiday as an excuse to make a happy song. A lot can happen on Christmas, lots of good and lots of bad, and this song perfectly shows that.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and Happy Holidays to everyone, and I wish you a grand new year, hopefully it will turn out better than this.

Auditory Abominations: "I Want to Know What Love Is" - Foreigner

You know, I want to take this series out of the modern age, not because I think music from the previous generation is worse, but mostly because it is giving me nothing to talk about. I mean what can I really say about a song like "All About That Bass" that I can't say about any other over-produced, substance lacking, obnoxious trite? Granted there are still plenty of songs that I want to cover, and there will be a time I'll talk about those songs in the future, but when looking at the worst of things, you can't stick with one generation, because that is a form of conformation bias. Even though I stated that the 2010s, as a whole are a great decade for music, I can't deny that I am kind of confirming to myself that the decade has no chances of improving by just looking at the crap of this decade.

So I'm going to take a break from my usual 2010s crap and take a look at a band that I hate more than I really should. Foreigner is one of my most hated bands ever, up there with Chicago, and for pretty much the same reasons. Of course this one has an even bigger issue than "If You Leave Me Now" which was mostly just ungodly dull.

The opening instrumentals set the mood perfectly that this is going to be one of the most generic and dullest songs in the world. It sounds like that preset Casio beat that accompanies every soap opera and nature documentary. It's that slow kind of droning keyboard sound that never really changes tone, and holds on itself while it is accompanied by that synthetic sounding drum beat that sounds right at home in the worlds slowest disco dance song rather than any love song as it never keeps rhythm and is mostly there because it compliments the droning keyboard. It's what sound designers use when they can't afford proper scene music.

The song itself sounds right at home introducing a cheap soap opera to the few TV screens turned on at four in the morning to unamused people. The lyrics are even more generic break-up song than "If You Leave Me Now" which I thought was the king of generic break-up song lyrics. It's made worse with the singer forcing an impression of Bruce Springsteen eating the frontman of Whitesnake.

And while I'm on the subject, what is with these break-up songs with generic lyrics? I mean, where are the lyrics like "You'll never find gold on a sandy beach"? Just a thought.

But what really irks me about this song is only partly the song's fault, another part of it has a little bit to do with the success of the song. The song topped not only the Hot 100, but also the Mainstream Rock Charts, which means that people were wanting to hear this song on not only Pop stations or Soft Rock stations, but regular Rock Stations too. However, that isn't what irks me the most, it's the fact that the people think that "I want to know what love is" is a romantic set of lyrics. That is the kind of whiny stuff a band like Simple Plan would sing, something that drunks are to ashamed to use at the lowest end of low-end bars.

What is so romantic about "I want to know what love is"? that is like textbook "I just want to get in your pants" douche bad right there, and people bought it up. Sure, it was the 80s but that excuse does not hold up, because I've heard love songs from the 1950s that put this one to shame, seriously "Blueberry Hill" is a great song and "Ring of Fire" puts every love song to shame.

The takeaway from this blog is that, love songs are not the easiest songs to make properly, as we can see the next time I do an abomination. Love songs deserve respect and when it isn't respected, we get garbage like this.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and next time, a song that also proves my point further, and that popularity does not mean quality.

P.S. I have made a Facebook page if you want to keep up to date with everything.

Auditory Abominations: "She's a Beauty" - The Tubes

The 80s is a strange decade for music, for the rock and metal scene there is very little better than the 80s, giving us many masterpieces of rock and metal from "Master of Puppets" to "Tom Sawyer". This decade also gave us the Mainstream Rock Charts so now there was a way to keep track of the popular rock songs. This is where it gets weird, as on these charts, not every song that topped it was a rock song. I already talked about "We Built This City" and the dated keyboard dominated sound of the 1980s, but there was also "Down Under" and "Twilight Zone". In short, the 80s was an amazing decade for the rock and metal scene, but there was still a lot of crap, and here is another one.

The Tubes were a rock band that formed in the 1970s with their first single dropping in 1976 and they have been going steady since. Now I said rock band and for a while The Tubes were, but the 1980s was the decade of selling out, I mean a lot of bands pretty much gave up what they were and tried to become mainstream successes. The rock charts were impressive but AC/DC wasn't topping the charts, so a lot of it was that keyboard dominated rock. I guess a lot of it had to do with the success of synth pop at the time with Genesis and Eurythmics, and music always followed the popular styles, hence a lot of the pop-tronic music nowadays. Of course, I wasn't there so I can't say I'm an expert, but I do have a good idea.

So I can't really blame the band, this was just the soundscape of the time, and for opening instrumentals, I have heard much worse. The synth is a little annoying, but the drums and guitar aren't bad. The opening vocals aren't terrible either.

So if I think that the instruments and vocals aren't bad, why is this song an auditory abomination? Mostly it's the lyrics, they're just confusing. I mean, they say that the women you see are from your dreams, but you shouldn't fall in love with them. Is this song a cautionary tune about giving your heart up to fast? Well, at one point the lead singer says "Don't touch the merchandise" so is this about a brothel? Is the song trying to give confidence to a kid? I have no clue what these lyrics say, if it is a song about not giving your heart away too quickly, than it's basically saying, don't fall in love with that pretty woman there because she is a beauty.

I don't get the point of this song, nor why it was a hit on the rock charts. It really does show that even with some good aspects, one bad apple spoils the whole patch. even if the lyrics weren't confusing I think the song would still be a bit dated, but I wouldn't be talking about it then. I try not to review songs that are only outdated, because they really do require me to have been there for me to really consider it. I'd say this and "We Built This City" came close to breaking that rule.

I'm the Entity of Darkness and I think I need to pick a more interesting level of bad next time.

Ace Audio: "Black in Back" - AC/DC

Last time I did an Ace Audio I looked at the Queen song "The Show Must Go On" saying that it was a testament to how good the band was as a whole and saying it was an important song for the band. However, I think if any song or release was important to any band, I think this song is the most important song for AC/DC.

Here's a little history lesson for you, AC/DC was formed in the 70s with Bon Scott as their lead singer, and from then until 1980 they made some of the greatest Hard Rock songs ever like "TnT", "Highway to Hell" and "Jailbreak". But then something happened that could have drastically altered the bands future for the worse. Bon Scott, aged thirty-three, died on February 19, 1980. I don't want to go much deeper into that, because I don't think many of you came here to read about somebody dying, but I will say it could have, and in many other cases would have, meant the end of the band.

Many of the greatest bands in the world broke up because of the loss of certain members, like Led Zeppelin after John Bonham died or The Jimi Hendrix Experience after Jimi Hendrix. This is mostly because there was no real way to replace them. Some bands do indeed push forward like Metallica, The Who pushed on for a while and Lynyrd Skynyrd, but not many bands do and when they do, they are often met with huge backlash, and sometimes not just from fans. To say that Metallica was hard on Jason Newsted is an understatement, they flat out turned off his bass on ...And Justice for All, and we could talk for hours about fans being hard on bands replacing members, who simply just left or got kicked out. People still debate whether Ozzy Osbourne or Ronnie James Dio was the better frontman of Black Sabbath.

The thing is, replacing Bon Scott could not just have ended up badly, it could have ruined AC/DC forever, and for many people it did. However, not only did this change not ruin them for the rest of their fans, Brian Johnson may have saved the band as a whole. These are the kind of reasons I look at a song for Ace Audio, not because it's popular, but because it is important.

"Back in Black" was released in 1980 and three whole decades later, it still holds up, as does AC/DC. Seriously, "Rock or Bust" is one of my favourite songs from the band, right up there with "Thunderstruck" and "Walk All Over You".

People may compare Bon Scott and Brian Johnson, but unless you have real good ears, there is very little distinction between the two vocalists. Brian especially gives this song some power, and it is helped immensely by the guitar. Angus Young was a guitar god and it really shows here, seriously find any rock fan who does not know the opening riff and I will show you a fake rock fan.

The whole album of Back in Black shows that not every change is bad, and sometimes the band can still push forward in the same direction, unlike when Dio took over Black Sabbath.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and I'm glad that AC/DC has had as long a run as they did.

Auditory Abominations: "We Built This City" - Starship

There are plenty of songs that have received a bad reputation for being so bad, and a lot of these songs I will cover here. Ace Audio may be my excuse to talk about songs I like and analyze them, but as a music fan I should be able to recognize the failures, and oh boy ladies and gentlemen do we have a failure, and it may be my most recognizable abomination, that is actually recognized as an abomination, and this song has quite a bit of history too.

This song was made by Starship, and unless you lived in the 1980s, or have a large understanding of music history, the name won't ring any bells. Starship, came from the 70s rock band Jefferson Starship, which came from the 60s rock band Jefferson Airplane, so if any of you don't mind, I'm going to lump this with "St. Anger" and "Crush 'Em" as being a bad song, from a good artist. Starship was actually a new band because of some members departing from the band, and the fact that they decided to change genres, and also because of a lawsuit by Paul Kanter, I said there was some history. The suit was settled as both parties could not use either "Jefferson" or "Airplane" in their band names unless the members of Jefferson Airplane agreed.

The song itself earned a bit of a reputation despite it's success topping both the Hot 100 and the Mainstream Rock Charts, so yeah sometimes I wonder what everybody in the 80s was on for a lot of this music to pass.

Right off the bat we are pelted with some annoying vocals from the singer for this song, Mickey Thomas. Now, I've only listened to one full album by Jefferson Airplane and when I reviewed that on my album review blog, I said that Marty Balin was a boring singer, so now I'm dealing with the annoying. I do have to say that, sans the vocals, the build up is pretty good with a nice keyboard opening, I'm not gonna lie, it could've been great, but sadly it went all down hill from there.

The 1980s was a confusing decade for the rock genre, with the success of synth groups like Tears for Fears and Genesis, a lot of rock songs were going more synth and techno based rather than guitar based. Bands like Yes and a lot of the Hair Metal scene were hugely dominated by the keyboard and synth more than guitars, and if you don't believe me look at the rock charts at the time, how many guitar based rock songs topped them? Not very many, the rock charts were dominated with songs like "Owner of a Lonely Heart", "Don't You (Forget About Me)" and even "Hungry Like the Wolf" which I don't even think counts as a rock song.

What I'm saying is that this song is really outdated. The drums sound synthetic, the guitar sounds mixed with the keyboards and the bass is more of a makeshift metronome than anything else. The vocals are really the worst part about this song, they sound synthetic and kind of remind me of "Call Me Maybe" which is one of the worst songs I've ever heard. Grace Slick also offers her vocals, but they are, as usual, drowned out making her pretty pointless.

However, does this song deserve the scorn it has received? I was lead to believe the was one of the worst songs of all time, but what I got was mostly bland, annoying and mediocre at worst. I can't say I hate it, but the song does suck.

And speaking of Starships...

I'm the Entity of Darkness, next time.