Hey guys, the Entity of Darkness here, I decided that album reviews would be too time consuming considering school, but I still wanted to look at music. So I decided to look at songs, one group of posts for songs I hate (Auditory Abominations) and the other for songs I like (Ace Audio).
This should be fun.
Pop music hit a major low point in the mid 2000s, and I'm not just saying that because I'm a rock fan, no there is some good pop music out there, but not a lot of it came from 2004. I could do a top 10 worst list of the pop songs that came out of the mid-2000s and still have to make several, really difficult choices. However, I'm fairly certain that this one would make that list in a heartbeat.
To give you some perspective, 2004 was the year Muse released "Absolution", Modest Mouse released "Good News for People who Love Bad News" and The Killers released "Hot Fuss". This was not an awful year for music, but you know what was becoming popular? "The Reason", "Milkshake", and "Hey Mama". Before any of you say that comparing rock music to pop music is comparing apples to oranges, that is the point of comparing things, to look at the differences and see which one people prefer, so let's see what people preferred about this track because it landed at Number 9 on the Hot 100, higher than "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" and "Let's Get it Started".
The song's intro is just repeating the title of the song over and over, because that doesn't get repetitious at all. Then we get a rapper introducing the song. He does not to a terrible job, he has a good voice and is quite tolerable, but the beat in the background is just atrocious. It's as if "Come and Get it" somehow got even more high pitched, and don't even try to defend it as a dance song because dancing requires rhythm and timing that match and follow the beat, I can not imagine dancing to this song without it looking horribly out of place.
So after almost a minute of this (keep in mind that is including the opening bit of the video), we finally get to listen to Ciara sing and dear Anubis and the entire pantheon of death deities is she awful. If you put Mariah Carey, The Gibb Brothers and George Michael in a blender and sucked out all the talent you'd get something like this. This has not only the effect of making me wish the song was an instrumental, which considering the actual beat of the song makes me wish I put a bullet in my head before the song began, but it also has the issue of muddling up the lyrics. However, from what I can hear, and see from online searches, the lyrics are nothing to celebrate either.
The lyrics are basically, "You may think I'm sexy, but I'm more than that." which makes the music video worse because it does nothing except show off Ciara's figure. I don't usually say things like this but, I'd much rather listen to Beyoncé, because even though I'm not a fan of her, she pulls of this "I'm more than sexy" thing so much better because I can actually believe it, mostly because of the power she has in her voice.
Really, the song itself is about as memorable as a dull and boring movie, but the beat just drives me nuts. It's as if somebody mutilated a theremin before sending the sound it produced through an early 90s computer being strangled.
Petey has another rap verse, and again it's tolerable, sans the obnoxious beat. Really, if it wasn't for that beat the song would just be very forgettable.
So what made this song a hit? The beat is obnoxious, the singer is awful, the lyrics are nothing great and the song itself if just kind of bland and forgettable. Is it because that songs like this were becoming the dominate pop song? No, it was mostly songs you could dance to, and this isn't even a good dance tune. If this is the best dance song you've ever heard, listen to Daft Punk, or Die Antwoord or something with more energy and beats that don't sound like Morse Code machines being sat on.
I'm the Entity of Darkness, and this is one mystery, I myself don't wish to solve.
This may be a very interesting list, because on one end, I have not done as many Ace Audios as I quite honestly wanted to do this year, but on the other hand, the songs I have for this list are all very good. Even though I have only done eighteen Ace Audios, plenty of these songs are amazing and could easily have topped this list on their own, but alas, I have a choice to make and not an easy one. So, this is pretty much the same as my last list, except that now these are the songs I actually liked. So, on with the show.
Kicking off my list is a song that I didn't even think would make this list, I mean I love AC/DC, they are in my top 15 favourite bands, but Back in Black just didn't seem to be as good as some of the other songs I covered. With that said, I was instantly hooked in while listening to it. That guitar riff is just so good and hot damn do I love Brain Johnson's vocals.
To me, this was also a very important song for the band as a whole considering that Bon Scott died shortly after the album began production, so the fact that the band could continue while still getting a frontman who sounded close to Bon Scott is quite impressive. I understand people are mixed about Brian Johnson, some loving him and others thinking that the band is not as good. To some respects I can see where some people are coming from, but honestly they sound pretty similar, not the same, but similar. I do like to chuckle at the people who complain that it sounds entirely different though. I mean, it's still AC/DC, it's not like when Ronnie James Dio took over Black Sabbath and made it pretty much just another Rainbow. The fact is, this song not only proved that the band could still go strong, but also continue staying strong whilst remaining largely unchanged. Rock on guys, rock on.
Usually, I try to avoid talking about politics as much as possible, not that I am against talking about it, but I usually try to avoid subjects that polarize people so much. This is what makes a song like this a little bit more special to me, as it makes me feel comfortable listening to a subject I don't really feel comfortable with.
"Symphony of Destruction" has a beautiful simile in the chorus, stating "Just like the pied piper / Led rats through the streets" which is a really chilling comparison, especially if you have read the Pied Piper story, seriously after the king refused to pay the piper he kidnapped all the children. Let that be the moral folks, overthrow the king before he allows somebody to steal your children from you.
I'm putting both of these versions together because it's easier than putting them separately. Seriously, if they were separate the Simon and Garfunkel version would just have been one spot below the Disturbed version. I like the lyrics of the song, but that is not really an interesting thing to say about either song, so I'm going to talk about what I like about each song.
The Simon and Garfunkel version is a classic folk rock tune from the sixties, one of the best decades in music history, third or fourth best hands down. I like the vocal harmony and the very somber tone to it, but it has a sort of melancholic cheer to it, it is a very interesting sound. On the other hand, the Disturbed version (which is my personal favourite of the two) has the better instrumentals, the piano in the beginning is just breathtaking and the orchestral backing builds upon itself until it climaxes and it just sounds beautiful. This version has a more depressing sound to it, but it kind of sounds very hopeful towards the end, especially with the building orchestra and David Draimen's roaring vocals. Really, both these songs are amazing, and I recommend both of them highly, now, back to the entries that aren't shared.
War songs are usually hit or miss with me. I like songs like "One", "Zombie" and "Orange Crush", but other songs are not really songs that I would be listening to given the choice like "War" by Edwin Starr. This is what I love about "To Hell and Back" though, it isn't an anti-war song in the usual sense as there are no metaphors comparing the people who start wars as demons, no lyrics about crusades or atrocities, it's just a song about this one guy who suffered.
In some respects, yes this can be seen as an anti-war song, it does talk about the horrors of war and the effect it has on the soldiers who fight it, but the song isn't directly about that, it's more about Audie Murphy, who was a famous sufferer of PTSD. I like a song that can take a different look at things, because while thousands of people are treating veterans like murderers, we are ignoring the issues they have. I support troops, not war, there is a difference.
My favourite song in the rap & hip hop genres is this one, and considering what else has made the list, can you really say that you're surprised?
The subject of this song is very different compared to the subject of most modern rap songs, mostly about making money, getting ladies and getting high. This song is different, it talks more about alcoholism and the effect it has, both directly and indirectly. The song is a very melancholic but strangely relaxing tune, especially with it's beats and instrumentals, and yes digital beats still counts as instrumentals. The opening especially gives you a feeling of being afloat on your back gazing at the sky. It's a very calming song despite it's not very calming lyrical content.
Sometimes, all you need is a musical fence. Seriously, watch the making of this song, Gotye has it on his own channel, it's actually really interesting, but I digress. The instrumentals of this song alone could have placed it on this list, especially that amazing slide guitar, oh man I love that slide guitar. Gotye's vocal performance is also incredible, for those of you who only know him for "Somebody That I Used to Know", you aren't getting the full experience, he can really put a lot of power in his vocals. The theme of apocalypse is also an interesting one, not very often do I hear a song that has lyrics that perfectly match the tone of the instrumentals. More songs about apocalypse need slide guitar.
Ronnie James Dio didn't die, he just left to fight the evil in some other dimension and is out there riding a dragon into fierce battle.
The story that "Stargazer" tells is a very good story, about a stargazer who has this tower built up to the skies but instead of flying like he wanted to, he just falls and dies. It's a very sad ending, but the instrumentals and lyrics make it more bitter-sweet. I love a song that can play with feelings like that as if they were putty. Since I'm talking about feelings let's also talk about that guitar solo. Hot damn that is just amazing. I seriously feel as though I'm flying when I listen to it, and then at the end I just land at the foot of the tower. Legends never truly die, they just leave the mortal world.
Speaking of legends. This song is pretty much Freddie's epitaph, it's a very operatic song, but behind the power and energy is a dying man. What really makes this song special is indeed Freddie's vocal performance, being sick and dying and he still knocked the ball out of the park. The rest of the band also do an amazing job with their instruments, Brain May especially deserves an honourable mention as his guitar playing compliments the tone of the song so well, it just matches the majesty and epic-ness of the song and adds so much to it. This is an entire rock opera squeezed into a few minutes and it doesn't even sound as though it's compressed, it sounds like it took the right amount of time it needed to, it's so beautiful.
This and my number one pick are both some of my favourite songs of all time, and although this ranks higher on my personal top ten, my number one pick was overall the better song. "Aerials" is my favourite song from my favourite band, but why? Well, for starters, I love the instrumental work, like seriously, the guitar work by Daron Malakian is just perfect, and John Dolmayan just kills it on the drums. I also like the lyrics, the metaphors could really be about anything, about prejudice, about borders, about war, about anything, and that's what makes a song like this so good, that it can be about anything, not that it has one specific meaning. As much as I love the upcoming song, it does really have just one meaning, this could be about anything. So, what tops this track, from my favourite band? well...
There is a reason this was my first Ace Audio. Octavarium is a twenty-four minute song, and every time I hear it, it only feels as though a couple of minutes passed by, never anywhere close to half an hour. On top of that, the inspiration from classical music can not be missed, even being in separate movements, and each instrumental solo between the movements transitions each one perfectly. The third movement is my favourite, but every movement of this song hits bulls eye. I could gush on and on about this song, from the opening to the ending, to the theme to the stories of the first two movements, to the fourth movement which has my favourite bit, oh man this is one of my favourite songs, and objectively looking at it, it really was the best song I reviewed this year.
And hey, here are my selected honourable mentions, consider these the songs that could've made the list, but just didn't.
Oh boy this year, well since I just started I haven't really reviewed a whole lot of songs yet, but I have done enough to warrant a worst list. Now, I'm new to reviewing individual songs, as previously I've done reviews of Creepypasta (link to one review here), and as usual for those reviews, I often look at the worst of the stuff I reviewed, so I may as well do it here. Now, I want to end the year on a decently positive note, so I'm starting with my worst, and being honest, there is quite a lot of garbage this year, but I'm confident I can sort through the worst. Now, going through my entire list of blog entries, I have done twenty one Auditory Abominations, however one of them was a top ten list, which included honourable mentions, one of which I reviewed prior to that list, and another was a musical that had a selection of five separate songs, so that is a total of thirty-eight songs I've talked about on this blog. In comparison, I've only done eighteen Ace Audios this year, that is a twenty song difference, and very discouraging. Well, no use harping about it any longer, these are the worst songs I've looked at this year, oh joy.
And by the way, you can check out the reviews by clicking on the song title.
Oh goody, we are really starting off strong. This abomination is a lounge-jazz cover of the Rage Against the Machine song and it really does show why you should not do lounge-jazz covers of hard rock and heavy metal songs. I doubt that the guys are taking this seriously, I mean they call themselves Lounge Against the Machine, they really are not convincing me that they're doing this in earnest, except that they're not really doing anything. They are covering the song, and doing nothing, if they weren't doing this in earnest, they would be doing something clever or funny with the song. At least it felt like Pat Boone covered those songs with some form of earnesty, but I feel like these guys are doing it as a joke without understanding what makes a parody song or a joke song work.
If instead of covering the song line for line, they could maybe have garbled a couple of lines to poke fun at Zak de La Rocha's rapping style, than it would be a bit funny, but instead we got a shitty, boring and bland cover of an awesome song that quite honestly should have been forgotten.
Generally I don't like pop music, sure there are some good and even excellent songs now and again, but most of it just shows up, does it's purpose and disappears. Except now, it gets forced down our throats until it just goes away, which is not what music is supposed to be like. But what really grinds my bolts is when the song is as obnoxious as an infant throwing a tantrum.
When your opening beat sounds like a dentist's drill going through your ears, you should redo the entire thing. On top of that, Selena herself has very little interest in the song, or at least that's what it sounds like in the song, which is another bad sign. Essentially all this song is just an obnoxious beat with a boring singer with a subject that has been done since music existed. I doubt that there is any worse combination.
What a load of whiney, generic bullshit! That is all this song is, a whiney piece of trash with generic lyrics that are supposed to be deep and meaningful even though they are the same lyrics every beginner tries to write for a "deep and meaningful song from the heart". On top of that, the vocals are annoying, as if Bob Dylan somehow ate Gerard Way, before being kicked in the nuts. Seriously, this kind of song makes me wish I was listening to "Heathens" and I don't even like that song a lot. Music did take a bit of a hit in quality in some areas in the 2000s, but not everything that is utter crap is from the modern era.
Generally, I would call a song like this a piece of fluff, but fluff is generally just a bunch of sugar and love, and I doubt any of that went into this song. What? You guys thought I was going to do the whole "That would be an insult to fluff" thing? Well, you're right because calling this song fluff is an insult to fluff.
I mean, what can I say? A large problem of this song is that it came out in the 1970s, a decade where the word "Tame" was being tossed out the window. Yeah, we had disco, but we also had songs like "Let's Get It On", "War Pigs", "Anarchy in the U.K.", "Stone Cold Crazy" and other songs containing explicit lyrics and themes that would have been considered taboo in previous decades. Sure a relatively tame song like this could easily become popular, but therein lies the problem, what really is worth holding on to with this song? The song's lyrics are not even wrapped in good metaphors and the instrumentals are slow and boring, and that is another large problem with the song. The song is just boring, nothing about this song is interesting on any level, the lyrics aren't interesting, in fact they are very obvious, the instrumentals are not interesting and the band isn't even that interesting, nor memorable. Really, the song itself is just one of those songs that you could lump into one of those "70's Classics" compilation CD's alongside the other tracks that nobody remembers.
I know people love this song, but why? Seriously what is the appeal? Was it the "Sincerity"? Well, I highly doubt that because "I Want to Know What Love Is" works about as well as the classic "Hey baby, are you an angel?" pick-up line. "I Want to Know What Love Is" is like the barest minimum of a pick-up line, a line that drunks at the lowest of the lowest, low-end bars would not use.
On top of that, the song is just dull. It often just kind of drones and goes nowhere except for the awful chorus line, which it just decides to repeat, over and over and over and over and over until it digs into your brain like the Cerebral Bore, you know that badass gun from Turok II? Well, for anybody that has played the game, that would be a perfect comparison because after that thing digs into your brain it explodes. I think you can figure out what that means about this song on your own.
If I could do my worst list of Katy Perry songs again, I probably would, but then again you try listening to over twenty songs from your most hated music artist and then tell me how easy it is. I feel as though the list itself could have used another rewrite, but I'm still confident that this would be the number one pick yet.
These kinds of songs irk me, the kind of songs that "Royals" was written in response to, the songs that say, "Life is perfect, strive to be this!". The reason these songs irk me is because of several reasons, starting with the fact that I am a fan of people like Doug Walker who have their fans on an equal level to their fame. Simply put, a song like this is essentially the singer saying that they'd rather have things than fans, or they just see fans as more things. It also doesn't help that listing off items does not make interesting lyrical content, and the fact that at the really worst, it feels like bragging. Add to that the fact that Katy Perry is my least favourite music artist and you have a song guaranteed to make this list. The downside is, it just gets worse from here.
Again, what was the appeal? This time the argument of the "Sincerity" does not work because "Everything I do, I do it for you" is a flat out creepy pick up line that borders on unhealthy obsession. At least "Every Breathe You Take" was supposed to be a stalker song, not a romantic song. Okay, I think I finally get the appeal. Yes, people thought "Every Breath You Take" was romantic, even though it was supposed to be disturbing, which makes it more ironic that I find this song disturbing when it was trying to be romantic, and that is no better shown than the song's second biggest issue, the vocal work.
Bryan Adams sounds like Raiden from the Mortal Kombat movie and he tries to sell it as soft and romantic, which makes the singing sound worse because now he was to make his voice slow and clear, especially when he's trying to sing what the instrumentals are trying to sell as an uplifting portion towards the end of the song, which unfortunately is probably more boring than the rest of the song. Let's talk about those instrumentals too, because if any instrumentals makes me wish I was listening to Michael Bublé instead it's this. Wow, Canada really has given the world a lot of meh and crap now haven't we?
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Oh sorry, I just fell asleep on my keyboard.
What we have here is one of the most boring songs in the entire god damn world, if Katy Perry is my least favourite music artist, than Chicago is, actually I can't go as far to say they are my least favourite band, especially when Foreigner and Buckcherry both exist, but oh man the band may as well be. I still stand by what I say about the 1970s, it was the best decade for music and I doubt anything will top it, but when the good stuff is amazing, the bad stuff is an equal level of awfulness, like the Yin and the Yang, for every amazing song, there is a song that is not.
Really, the entire problem of the song can be heard within the first minute of the entire thing, it's a break up song that sounds like a lullaby, and I don't want to feel sleepy when I hear a break up song, I want to feel compassion, sympathy or something else like that, not as though I'm sitting through Final Fantasy The Spirits Within, seriously, what is it with me and Video Game references today?
This song is wretched, if anything this should have been my first auditory abomination because this is one of my most hated songs. I can barely even stand five minutes of this, why isn't this song a crime unto humanity?
Carly does no favours for this song, she does not have a good voice on this track, which is especially worse when you consider she does not have to bad of a voice. The instrumentals have this faux orchestral sound that just does not work, it just makes the song sound even more annoying. The song is also a total ear worm, completely taking over our brains and sticking out like a sore thumb, kind of like the DuckTales theme song.
Oh and one more tidbit, did you know that Carly Rae Jepsen is older than Adele? Yeah, I'm not kidding, by three years in fact.
Oh yes, I despise "Call Me Maybe" a hell of a lot more, but if I had to objectively point to the worst song I've reviewed for this blog this year, it has to be "Starships". At least "Call Me Maybe" had focus, this song begins with one beat and vocal style, transitions to another and ends with one more, and when I say transitions, I mean just kinda shifts into it, no build up, no nothing. The lyrics also serve as a downfall to the song mostly for being just as incoherent, starting like a party song, then going into lyrics about being able to have intercourse with whomever, then out of nowhere singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", that is if you can even understand what she is "Singing", as she yells so loudly that some of the words just get garbled into random noises, and sometimes the lyrics are just random noises.
This song is the worst, and you know what? I have another year of this to go. Well, next time I'm doing the best songs I've reviewed this year, see you then.
And with the total amount of crap I went through, here are a few dishonourable mentions, if you want to check out the song, I've left the link below the title.
No, I'm not joking, this is a really good song. No, you weren't in a coma that skipped Christmas and went straight to April Fool's Day, or at least not that I know of.
I know people are split on BABYMETAL, but I personally don't mind them, sure not every song is great, but if that was the deciding factor of liking or disliking a band, I think I'd hate every band in the world. Really, they are just a Japanese pop-metal group, not to dissimilar to a band like Def Leppard or KISS, although those bands are better than BABYMETAL. I think what people should remember about the band is that they are both a pop and metal group, and are afraid of being neither. Some songs are more pop than metal, some are more metal and some are both. This song is more of the middle one.
Really, this song sounds like the intro to an epic anime, something like Naruto or Bleach, or maybe even Rurouni Kenshin, lord knows we need something better than it's English theme song (Link). This is because of the instrumentals, the instrumentals on this song are super good. That is something I must admit about any Babymetal song, the instrumentals are usually really good. However, the reason this particular song sounds so good is because of one reason, or two actually, Herman Li and Sam Totman of DragonForce. That's right, DragonForce. It's really the instrumentals that drive this track.
The lyrics are supposed to be positive, but I don't speak fluent Japanese, I mean I speak a little bit, kind of. I know "Old Macdonald Had a Farm", well, I can only say "Old Macdonald had a farm, and on that farm he had a crow", damn I really should have paid attention in Japanese class.
Well, I'm not expecting System of a Down or Led Zeppelin levels of lyrical content, but even if the lyrics are not very good, (Which again, sorry but can't tell) the vocal performance is also pretty solid, say what you want about the group, but they are decent vocalists and have good musicians behind them.
You can see how this became the opening track off of Metal Resistance, which I did a review of here. That is however, the album's biggest weakness, as it starts with its best song, not that the album is bad, but there is no real pay-off for going through the entire thing.
You know, overall this is an awesome song, The vocal work, the instrumentals and the technical are all solid. If you aren't into pop metal, you won't find a whole lot to enjoy about this song, but I say, give it a chance, you may like it.
I'm the Entity of Darkness, and I think I'll try to post one more thing this year. If I don't, Happy New Year!
Well, 'tis the time of year for pop stars to sing the time-tested carols for the consumers to eat up. The vast majority of Christmas music is mostly just covers of classic Christmas songs, not that any of them are bad, in fact with the right people, you can make a really good version of the classic. As much as I would love to cover one of the classics on this blog, I actually want to start with one of my personal favourite Christmas tunes. A popular gem from the 1980s known as "Fairy Tale of New York".
This is not my favourite Christmas song because it hasn't been covered by thousands of people, this is my favourite because it is not all "happy, joyous, and all that stuff." It starts off with a slow piano and a droning singer, and when I say droning, I mean he extends most of his lines, like "It was CHIIISTMAAS EEEVE BAAAABE." as a fair example. This is not a hindrance to the song though, as it helps establish the mood and tone of the song pretty much as the song starts, which means the rest of the song can be dedicated to the events of the song.
The song tells a story, and I love it when a song does this. This particular story is about an Irish immigrant couple, whose lives are ruined by addictions and bickering.
The opening does start off slow and somber, but after a little bit (about a minute in) the song adds some string instruments and Kristy MacColl offers her vocal talents. The sound is a good juxtaposition to the kind of depressing lyrics, although the first verse and chorus are pretty happy. I mean, the two reminisce about meeting, saying "You were handsome/ You were pretty, queen of New York City." and "We kissed on the corner, then danced through the night". It is a pretty joyous part of the song.
However, after that the song becomes pretty depressing. Now the two are throwing insults at each other, and wishing this was their last Christmas together. This portion of the song caused a little bit of controversy, although I think censoring the lyrics kind of ruins the portion. Also keep in mind that the particular word they use, has a different meaning in different places, especially in the U.K. where the band is from. This is also made a bit more clear by adding the words "Cheap, lousy" at the beginning, implying uselessness, which is generally what you would not want in a small bundle of sticks or a cigarette. Although, yeah it could be a slur, I wasn't a British person in 1980's I was barely even a sperm cell.
The final portion of the song is slower than the others, it is probably where the guy is trying to get the girl back, but it is not made very clear because of the length before the chorus. Seriously, there are like three of four lines and then BAM, "The boys of the NYPD Choir were singing Galway Bay," and then instrumentals. It still is a nice part of the song, but maybe one of two more lyrics could have made it stronger, or maybe made the song worse I don't know, I did not write it.
While I am on the subject, I do love the chorus, it is short, but gives a nice image, and I love the lines "And the bells were ringing out, for Christmas day." it just makes me feel good.
If you're tired of the usual Christmas carols and want something less like "It's Beginning to look a lot like Christmas" than I would recommend this one. It sounds like no other holiday song I've ever heard, and does not use the holiday as an excuse to make a happy song. A lot can happen on Christmas, lots of good and lots of bad, and this song perfectly shows that.
I'm the Entity of Darkness, and Happy Holidays to everyone, and I wish you a grand new year, hopefully it will turn out better than this.
I have a pretty big project coming up that may take me quite a while to actually do, so I'm just going to do whatever I want to do until then, but I should have a holiday themed blog next time.
The 1990s was a strange era for music. At the beginning of the decade it was the Grunge scene that dominated, than it was the alternative rock scene, and then it was boybands. Really, no one sound defined the nineties, maybe a specific year, but not the whole decade. The nineties is not like the Two-thousands where dance pop and alternative rock were the definitive music genres of that year, nor the seventies where it was mostly disco and rock, and Elton John. However, the nineties are a fascinating little blip in music history, giving us plenty of oddities that we somehow still remember, yet completely forgot about at the same time. Anybody remember "No Rain"? "Semi-Charmed Life"? "Bittersweet Symphony"? You do, but not until I brought them up, either that or you are a real big music nerd like myself.
Oasis definitely falls within the category of a 90s oddity hit, but people really remember them. You know, people like "Wonderwall" and that seems to be it, nobody really seems to remember "Morning Glory" or "Don't Look Back in Anger", which both came off the same album, but people also seem to remember this song. "Wonderwall" I get, it's an acoustic ballad, which every teenager will just eat up, but "Champagne Supernova"? Why? This is not really a song that I can see mixed in with one of those "nineties classics" CDs you see at the check out aisle in Wal-Mart. But maybe that is the reason people remember it, because it doesn't sound like a song from the nineties, more like a song from the sixties.
You can definitely hear the psychedelic influences in the opening instrumentals, beginning with the sound of waves and then following with this guitar sound that sounds as though Noel Gallagher is drowning a slide guitar, I mean whatever sounds cool I guess. But seriously, the opening instrumentals are awesome, and immediately take me into the song, and get me into a psychedelic feeling. I would say more so than a band like early Pink Floyd, and I'm talking like Piper at the Gates of Dawn Pink Floyd, where they actually tried to be a psychedelic band.
Liam Gallagher does have vocals that split some people, personally I don't mind them too much. I mean, yeah they are pretty much is Bob Dylan had a colonoscopy, but still Bob Dylan has a decent voice and for the style of rock that Liam sings, his vocals match well. Plus, Liam begins with a much more somber tone in his voice, and slowly graduates to his usual level towards the end.
The lyrics are strange, but they are supposed to be. I especially love the line "Slowly walking down the hall/faster than a cannonball" just for how odd the line is. Personally, I think this is another song about nothing like "Loser" or "Bohemian Rhapsody", but everybody has their own interpretations of this song. I like a song that is not directly about anything, it is kind of a nice break to listen to a song like it, considering I listen to a lot of metal, which can get very political, putting it very lightly.
I also love the guitar solos, being pretty reminiscent of Jimi Hendrix but still distinct on it's own. I can't help but think of floating aimlessly on an ocean whenever I hear the song, it's pretty amazing.
The 1990s was an odd time for music, but we got plenty of gems from the rough, and many of those gems were rough. It was a fascinating time that gave us a song that was very reminiscent of the psychedelic era, but still felt right at home in the Alternative scene of the mid to late 90s. Considering plenty of other songs like this have essentially become novelties at this point, it's nice to see that there is still an audience of a song like this.
I'm the Entity of Darkness, and I would comment on the Gallagher brothers, but you know what? It's December, let's just leave it for now.
A good song never ages, it may even get better over time. These are not just good songs, these kinds of songs are masterpieces. Typically, I don't talk about these songs on this blog, because everybody already knows that these songs are amazing and classics, but there is another reason I wish to talk about this particular song. When an amazing song gets covered, the cover runs the risk of being not only inferior, but also really bad, see my Auditory Abominations on both Pat Boone's "Smoke on the Water" and Richer Cheese's "Guerilla Radio" for more proof of that. At the same time, not only could the songs be good, but there are times when they could be better than the original, and I am not talking about songs that are mostly just good or meh, like "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails. I am talking about songs that are not only unrivaled, but also masterpieces in their own way such as "Bohemian Rhapsody", "More Than a Feeling" and of course "Stairway to Heaven", the songs that very few artists would ever try to cover, yet in 2015 a cover of this song appeared from a heavy metal band no less.
Disturbed not only did a good cover of the song, but they also did a version that was as good, and even debatably better than the original. Personally I like both versions equally, but both versions have their strengths. I'm going to compare both versions to talk about what each version does better over the other.
To begin, let's start with the vocals. There is no doubt that David Draiman has much deeper vocals than Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel, but at the same time they had the voice that worked for the style that the original song was in. It was much softer and lighter, but David's voice works for the heavier cover. Really, the vocals match each song for what they are, the lighter vocals for the acoustic ballad, and the heavier vocals for the heavy metal cover.
Another thing to consider is indeed the instrumentals, as they too play a large roll in both songs. One starts with a nice acoustic guitar strum and the other begins with a heavy piano. The instrumentals in both set the moods for each song perfectly, one being slower, but at the same time it is much more somber and yet has a tone of optimism in it. "The Sound of Silence" is not a happy song at all, but it indeed carries a very pleasant tone with the instrumentals.
Now the cover on the other hand is a lot more somber and at the end, very uplifting. Both versions have this weird feeling by the end where they dispatch the melancholic tone from the beginning and adds a little bit more positive energy by the end, although both with different means. Simon and Garfunkel accomplish this by simply, but effectively raising their voices which, in the 1966 remaster at least, matches perfectly with the instrumentals and creates an interesting experience. The Disturbed cover does this the sae, but differently, as not only does David's voice raise, but towards the end he also starts belting, which gives the song it's own experience.
In the end, I guess it only matters which version of the song you enjoy, the melancholic but hopeful one, or the kind of depressing but strangely uplifting one.
Personally, I love both. Simon and Garfunkel not only made an amazing song, but they mad a masterpiece. However, Disturbed not only made an incredible version of the song, but they also made a masterpiece. It depends on what you yourself prefer, the folk tune or the metal tune.
I'm the Entity of Darkness, and gun to my head I would indeed choose the Disturbed cover, mostly because I like the sound more, but I can not deny that it is only by a very narrow margin.
How did it take me this long to get to my favourite band? Not even looking at my Auditory Abominations, this is my thirteenth Ace Audio, and the first one I did was of one of my favourite songs, but not my favourite. Also, while I'm on the subject, I did do my first Auditory Abomination on a song by my most hated music artist, so in all fairness, this was a bit overdue.
System of a Down is my favourite band, they are rough, political and oh so blunt, that is the best way I can describe them, although they have polished their sound quite a bit, especially for songs like "Chop Suey!" and "Soldier Side", which is a contrast to a song like "BYOB" or "Sugar". The song I'm looking at is one of these polished songs, but it is my favourite System of a Down song, although I may do one of their rougher songs in the future.
The song begins with a slow, orchestral build up, followed by a simple but melodic guitar riff. After a heavy drum beat, the vocals kick in loudly. This is the moment the song really kicks up, as the electric guitars and drums kick in and Serj's vocals burst in with some amazing opening lyrics. Not as good as "The Sound of Silence", but it still has a nice simile, and is followed by some incredible guitar work by Daron Malakian.
What makes this my favourite System of a Down song though? It is simple really. The guitar work is rough, but very smooth, Serj has quite clean vocals, but they match the instrumentals perfectly. I also love the lyrics, they are drenched in beautiful simile and feature plenty of good metaphors and images. The lines "We drink from the river, than we turn around and put up our walls." Which could mean so many things. It could be a metaphor for segregation or even something as easy as country borders.
I also love the lyrics "We are the ones that want to choose/Always want to play, but you never want to lose", which could refer to war, riots, or again, even something as simple as getting placed in prison.
Although, I am not sure what the chorus is more or less about, it does sound really good though. The entire song sounds really nice, something like a traditional rhythm, although I myself am not particularly versed in traditional music of any culture, aside from folk music of Ireland and Eastern Canada, so I am not an expert. But the instrumentals just make this song, and there is an odd keyboard sound in the second chorus, but it also sounds really nice.
And speaking of traditional songs, the album version of this song has a bonus addition, an instrumental known as "Arto". It sounds nice, but I am kind of annoyed at how it is sort of tacked on at the end of the song. When My Chemical Romance had a bonus track in "Blood", they had it play as it's own song, instead of tacking it on at the end of "Famous Last Words". So, what I'm saying is, that a band I don't like a whole lot, actually did something better than my favourite band.
But as a whole, the song is beautiful. "Chop Suey!" may be a close second for my favourite SOAD song, but this one outshines it by a lot. It was not only an amazing song, but a great way to end the album on. Songs like this and "Question!" are the reasons System of a Down is my favourite band, and I loved looking at this song.
I'm the Entity of Darkness, and next time will be something fun.
When you think of rock in the 2000s what do you think? Gorillaz, The White Stripes, Modest Mouse, Arcade Fire and The Killers. But the 2000s was also the decade that rock got whiney with groups like My Chemical Romance, Linkin Park, Hinder and Simple Plan, because this was the decade teenage angst made good song tones. Not that every whiney group was bad, My Chemical Romance has some good songs, Linkin Park was an awesome band, and some of the modern rock today like Imagine Dragons aren't too bad. The reason that a whiny song like this is bad is simple, it sounds awful.
The opening piano is alright, an easily spotted emotional ploy to get you into the mood of a depressing song, but not too bad. The orchestral backing though is a bit generic, it just sounds like the exact same orchestral backing that accompanies every other sappy and or depressing song from the late 1990s up to now.
Of course in the same vein of Linkin Park and My Chemical Romance, the vocalist is as nasally as, oh boy I need to stop picking on Bob Dylan, so uhh.... Arlo Guthrie I guess, my Dad suggested that one. The lyrics include the obvious "I was blind" line to make the situation sappier or more depressing, as well as the "I can't remember" line, and the "I can't stand the pain" line. All of these generic lines were in the opening, giving you an idea of what we are in for with this particular song.
But the song really becomes an abomination with the chorus. The whiny sing-yelling of "How could this happen to me?" is just unbearable. It's like listening to Twenty One Pilots after they were kicked in their crotches and had stuffy noses. It also has some generic lines, the "I'm fading away" line, the "How could this happen to me?" line, the "I've made my mistakes" line, it's all there.
And the song drones on for three whole minutes, with more generic lines like "Hanging by a thread", "I try to hold on to a time" and "I can't explain what happened". Not only are these generic lines, but also lines that have been written and sung better in different songs, these lyrics are as basic and generic as "The Reason".
The song is unbearable, it is highly annoying with basic lyrics, a singer who sounds like if SpongeBob ate the lead block under his hat, and obvious musical accompaniment that sounds more in tune with a soap opera than a depressing song about someone passing.
I'm the Entity of Darkness, and I think next time I'll do something a bit special.
I know I said I wanted to take the blog out of the 2010s but I could not resist doing this song because it is quite possibly the worst song of 2013, actually that is not true, as I would personally say "Love Me" by Lil Wayne is a worse song. Yeah, when I say that the 2010s are a great decade for music, I mean it in a sense that a lot of the good stuff is really good, same with the 70s and 80s, the top two greatest decades for music, unrivaled at this point in time. However, that does not mean this decade is devoid of crap, like say the 1970s, I mean that decade had "If You Leave Me Now", "Afternoon Delight", "The Way We Were", and the horror of any music fan, "Disco Duck". Yeah the 70s had a load of crap, and if we got into the 80s, well that could be a whole top fifty. The point is, no decade is immune from having crap, so what really makes this decade special? It seems like the crap from this decade is torn apart even worse than the crap from previous decades, I mean what really is the difference between a lame and boring soft rock song of the 70s and a generic and boring electro-pop dance song of the 2010s? The short answer, the genre and that is it.
However, does the decade have worse music? Well, yes and no, I will say that the worst songs of the 1970s are immensely more listenable than the worst songs of this decade, but the worst of the 70s are just kind of boring which makes them unlistenable in there own right, and I can say what I want about a song like this, but it sure ain't boring, or easily forgettable. Pop music today has become somewhat of an earworm, which to some means the same thing as catchy, but there is a difference, namely that a catchy song is something you hum once or twice during the month instead of the entire day for a week like an earworm. A catchy song like "Wild Child" may pop into your head at really inconvenient times, but not anywhere near as often as an obnoxious earworm like this.
The first sign of the total earworm levels of the song start right from the electro-pop beat, which is to say it has no real beat or rhythm. A five year old banging on pots and pans has better rhythm than whoever assembled the beat to this. It quite frankly sounds like a dentist drill going off in your ear, which is reason enough to have it feature on this blog, but it goes an extra mile. If you thought "I Knew You Were Trouble" had a simple chorus, you will be begging to have a chorus like that after this. It follows the great logic of songs like "All The Small Things", "She Hates Me", "Lovin' You" and the theme song to The Brothers Flub and does not even trying to have lyrics. After the one verse in the entire chorus it just goes into going "Na na na na" because apparently sodium is the most popular of all the elements.
I want to also note the odd intro to the music video as it seems like it's building up this massive operatic song or heavy metal anthem or something that would require the lightning, eagle and "Whooh" sound effects. Then the weird bit with the drumming and chanting that sounds out of place with the rest of the song.
Selena herself does not do this song any favours. She does not sound as invested in singing the song as someone like Lorde, Lady Gaga or even Miley Cyrus, yeah Miley Cyrus sounds more interested in singing than Selena Gomez does. You can pretty much get all the substance you can from the song by the first stanza as well, all though being fair, I find that is the same with most songs about sex.
The song also has a lot of repetition of syllables and verses and a couple echo effects. I can only assume that it is either to make the song sound more artsy, which most likely isn't because this is pop music, or just for the sake of effects, which I've complained about before.
The actual lyrics are not too bad, they do get the point of the song across, although they are not helped at all by that drum machine that is set to "Generic". Also, I really have to ask, who does this song appeal to? the song uses that "Speak to vague person" cliché that boybands use to get the attention of pre-teen girls, so if this appeals to girls, why? I doubt it's because of the "Vague person" cliché, and I know for certain that this is not a dance song nor a sexy song. I can't think of any reason this would appeal to anybody.
Also the Music Video sucks, not really important, just want to mention that the music video sucks.
I don't want to make it look as though this entire decade is crap, it really is not as we have got a lot of great stuff from this decade, "Swimming Pools (Drank)", "Locked Out of Heaven", "Chlorine and Wine", Disturbed's cover of "Sound of Silence", "Upside Down, Inside Out", this is an amazing decade for music, but so was the 1970s and there was still a large amount of shovel ware in that decade. It's the same with every decade, there is always the stuff that is just crap, this and the other stuff from the 2010s I've done an Auditory Abomination are examples of that, but there is still a lot of really good stuff out there, just dig a bit deeper.
I'm the Entity of Darkness, and I think I'll just do more songs I should have done at the start of this blog.
The 1970s, in my opinion, is the best decade for music, sure the 60s refined a lot of musical genres and the 80s was just a powerhouse of amazing music, but the 1970s was both. It was the decade that defined Heavy Metal, Progressive Rock, Soul, Funk, R&B, and also Soft Rock, and at the same time we had some pretty awesome bands from Queen to Earth Wind and Fire. What made the 70s amazing was not only that there was a lot of good stuff, but the best stuff was amazing, I could make a top 50 of the best songs of the 1970s and I would still make some very tough choices, I mean seriously, it's tough deciding between Alice Cooper and Boston now try to decide between them and at least twenty-five other amazing bands.
Now, the 70s is a lot like our modern era, the best stuff was really damn awesome, and the worst stuff is pretty mediocre at best. This decade was not immune from crap, and quite frankly, people who say that music from their generation was better, in some respects yes, but I would much rather listen to generic modern EDM than kitschy 70s soft and light rock. The thing is, the big selling genre of this decade was not only disco, in fact it might not even have been disco, it was mostly soft and light rock, and unlike disco, it never went away, it only devolved into the white guy with an acoustic guitar. We've had some bad offenders from Chicago to Foreigner. Chicago may have been the worst offender, but this group comes close, The Starland Vocal Band, because you could not think of a name that didn't scream 70s light rock.
What do you expect from the opening instrumentals? Orchestral backing? Slow guitar strum? light tapping bass drums before the lyrics? Well, you are in luck because that is exactly the opening to this song, I couldn't make a more generic song opening if I tried. The singer also sounds like a generic light rock singer, like if Bob Dylan didn't have any nasal. I really should stop picking on Dylan, but seriously, this is the kind of voice I would imagine Bob Dylan would have if there was no nasal in his singing voice.
the song was written to be enjoyable and hint at sex, and when I say hint at sex, I mean in the 70s, this is not the kind of song you could record today and not have it be shocking. Sex has become one of those things that was Taboo but no longer is because of the internet, so now songs that hint about sex are as good as songs that explicitly have sexual language in the lyrics. Also, some of these lyrics are pretty blatant, like "Rubbing sticks and stones together make the sparks ignite/ And the thought of rubbing you is getting so exciting", those are actual lyrics from the song. I can't really say that I'm to surprised that this got passed censors in the 1970s when "Pour Some Sugar on Me" got passed them in the 1980s. "Pour Some Sugar on Me" is actually a song that is better than this because of it's pseudo explicit lyrics, though both songs have lyrics less explicit than something like "A.D.I.D.A.S.", but are more explicit than "Get Lucky" which also got rather explicit at times.
There are also times that the songs tempo just drops and all the band members sing together. I really have no idea why, but they are pretty dull, even when compared to the rest of the song. There are also times the song repeats the song title again, I guess in place of an actual chorus, some trends never die I guess.
I really can't recommend this song on any merits. I can't think of any reason you would play this song un-ironically, when there are other, better songs for the exact same occasions. It's dull, not very interesting, not explicit enough by todays standards, and quite frankly a bit to explicit for the time, at least until the 1980s when "Physical" came out, but that is for a different review. there is no reason for this song to exist either, because not three years prior, we got "Let's Get it On" by master of being smooth Marvin Gaye which let's face it, is a song that sets the mood better than any other song.
I'm the Entity of Darkness, and listen to "Pour Some Sugar On Me" instead of this.
How is there another one? I did Pat Boone cover heavy metal, how is there another lounge music artist that covers heavy metal? It...I just...I
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, calming down, you may be wondering who this doofy guy in the tiger striped tux is. Well, this is Richard Cheese, a parody lounge singer, who does covers of hard rock, heavy metal and hip-hop songs. Also, say what you will, but at least I could see a lounge cover of songs like "Stairway to Heaven" and "No More Mr. Nice Guy", but "Chop Suey!"? "Closer"? and this? You would have to be a mastermind to not screw it up.
The song begins with piano and cymbals, which make me think this was made in the 50s, but no, this is current, this was made in 2000. Now, like I said when I did review Pat Boone's awful "Smoke on the Water" cover, I mentioned that a good cover song should at least have the tone of the original, or have a tone that better fits the song, see Johnny Cash's cover of "Hurt" for an example of the latter. "Guerrilla Radio" is a fast, rough track that is from a band called Rage Against the Machine, emphasis on the band name being RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE. A lounge act is not the best to cover a song like this is what I'm saying.
Everything awesome about the original track, like Zack De La Rocha's rap-rock vocals, and Tom Morello's guitar work are completely scrapped on the song to be replaced by smooth crooning that would make Frank Sinatra vomit, and instrumentals that sound right at home in the background of a fancy dinner party.
And remember the awesome chorus? With the breakdown and Zack just screaming "Lights Out/ Guerilla radio!" with the awesome guitars and drum work, yeah that is awesome. So how does the cover handle it? by not having a breakdown, having the instrumentals be exactly the same as they were in the main part of the song, singing in the same tone as the rest of the song and also singing them as slowly as possible. I mean, if I have not found a song that is the exact opposite of what it was trying to cover than I don't know what I've found.
Oh yeah, and the band name, that is not me poking fun at them, that is there actual band name, it sounds like somebody put up a sign telling people to not lean against the active machine and part of the sign broke off.
I have never heard a song that was both infuriating and really boring at the same time, I just can't believe that there are two awful lounge singers who covered heavy metal classics. Well, at least it stops with this guy, I have not heard any other cover artists like him. Also, why don't people actually cover metal songs that would make nice orchestral lounge songs, like "I Walk Beside You" or "Mr. Crowley"?
Well, I'm the Entity of Darkness, and next time, something else I should have done a while ago.
Considering my previous posts, I figured it was time for me to do a song that I liked. Pat Boone was a lot worse than I thought he would be and I really don't feel like doing another Auditory Abomination for now. Listening to good music really helps me relax after an atrocity of a song like Pat Boone's "Smoke on the Water", it often gets me into a mindset to do an Abomination.
The song begins with one of the greatest drum lines in heavy metal history. This drum line is up there with songs like "Your Betrayal" and "L'Enfant Sauvage", and it is followed by a great opening riff. The opening of this song is awesome, it really does give of a fantasy sound, which yeah, Rainbow was one of the first Power Metal bands. They focused a lot more on fantasy inspired lyrics and lighter guitar work. People often point to Dio as the influential Power Metal band, especially with the album Holy Diver, but I would choose Rainbow.
And hey, speaking of Dio, that is indeed Ronnie James Dio on vocal work. This was the band he did after Elf but before Black Sabbath. As usual his vocal work is incredible, especially those long notes, hot damn I would kill to have a singing voice like Dio's, it's just so majestic, it invokes power, royalty and force, there is no doubt why he is one of the greatest heavy metal vocalists of all time.
I think my favourite thing about the song as a whole is the story within the lyrics. The song is about this group of workers who build this large tower of stone for this wizard who believes he can fly. The lyrics really do focus on the hardship of it all, with the chorus having lyrics like "In the heat and the rain/With whips and chains/Just to see him fly/So many died", it really hits home how rough the situation must be for the workers. Although, I have learned a little interesting thing about the construction of the pyramids, which was probably an inspiration for this song, apparently the construction of the pyramids was seen as holy work and it was a great honour to build them, maybe that is the same thing here.
Although, much like with "Octavarium" my favourite part of the whole is not my favourite piece. My favourite piece of the song if the guitar solo. Oh sweet Dio on a throne of gold and holy fire surrounded by succubi this solo kicks ass. It's just jaw dropping, sometimes when I hear it, I can imagine myself flying over a forest away from a cascading waterfall beneath an orange sky with a flaming rainbow to top it all off. When it ends, I just see the entire scene that the song set up, the large tower of stone, the stargazer, the workers, the dead bodies with their corpses destroyed by heat and rain. The imagery of this song is very clear, you can just picture all of the parts of the scene, and each vision is different, I myself often see the seen in a forest, but another may see it in a desert, or a mountain, I don't think very many other songs do this, create images that are different to other people, the song gives enough details to make the scene easy enough to picture, but not too much as to be overtly specific.
The song ends with a bit of a downer, there is a good metaphor in this song. The tower is built, as high as it can go and the wizard jumps, but instead of rising, he falls and dies. He had a vision, a dream and he went for it, but failed, or alternatively, he had all of this power and influence and it ultimately lead to his demise. Not a whole lot of songs I know of have these different interpretations, I mean I know people can interpret any song different from another, but with a song like "Purple Haze" there was really only two meanings attributed to the song, and then there are songs like "Bohemian Rhapsody" and "Loser" that are given meaning without actually having any. Personally, I see it as the latter, the wizard had all of this power, all this influence and he believed what he was doing was for the greater good or was essentially a holy quest, but what happened was he plummeted towards the ground and had no more power or influence, a metaphor for falling out of power and the danger of gaining to much of it, but that's just my interpretation of it.
I don't know what else I have to say, this is one of my favourite songs of all time, up somewhere in my top 20, top 15 at least. Everything about this song works, from the guitar, to the drums, to the vocals, to the lyrics to everything. What I would give to see this live.
I'm the Entity of Darkness, and Dio, Rock in Peace man. \m/
Considering my last post, I felt like I needed something a bit simpler to cover for this abomination before I went back to doing more unbearable garbage, and I didn't think I could get simpler than Pat Boone.
Pat Boone is a different kind of bad, a bad that is not pure lack of talent like Katy Perry, unbearable awfulness like Foreigner or gross levels of assholery like Axl Rose. No, Pat Boone is a different kind of abomination. I could've gone with any Pat Boone song, but I decided to go with his cover of the hard rock and heavy metal classic "Smoke on the Water" by Deep Purple, because yes, there is a level of blasphemy you didn't think was possible.
Now, before I tear into the abomination of a cover, I want to talk about Pat Boone and why I don't like him. As I said it's not that he lacks talent, and I can understand why people enjoy his music, although it personally makes my skin crawl. No, to really understand I want to take you back to the 1950s, where it was still legal to cater to only white people.
The 50s was the decade in which rock and roll was emerging, and it was mostly coming from the up tempo Chicago blues scene from the late 40s with guys like B. B. King, Muddy Waters and Elmore James. Now, roll in the 1950s with a decent economy and people buying records from some of these black artists. Now marketers got the idea to appeal to conservative parents by selling them watered down versions of "Tutti Frutti", "Long Tall Sally" and "Ain't That a Shame".
That is really why Pat Boone is here, but at the same time it's why he's been popular in the 50s, because conservative America ate it right up. It wasn't as "vulgar" as Elvis, nor as wild as Jerry, but at the same time it was no Bing Crosby, or Frank Sinatra or anyone with a voice and talent.
Which brings me to Pat's 90s release, In a Metal Mood: No More Mr. Nice Guy, where he decided to cover hard rock and heavy metal classics such as "Paradise City", "Crazy Train", "Holy Diver", "Enter Sandman" and of course "No More Mr. Nice Guy" among others, yes this is a thing. Sad thing is he also got metal legends Ronnie James Dio, Ritchie Blackmore and Alice Cooper by his side with this.
Really, all of that would be enough to justify it being an abomination, but nope, this song has to be as wretched as a Buckcherry song, with twice the unbearableness of it all.
But the thing is, I can't actually put my finger on what I find so wretched about this song. I mean, I have found some songs pretty bad that other people enjoy, I have plenty of those coming up, but this is just awful. It's taking a heavy metal song and making it more jazz and gospel like which would be fine, I like Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra and a lot of the other crooners, but this just makes me shudder. I think it's because the entire tone is changed, the original was rough, uncut and almost punk rock sounding, this was because the song was about a fire burning down a casino where the band was originally going to record, so the tone had to be rough and unclean to match. This one just kind of makes it smoother, which does not work for the meaning of the song, it's like taking "The Sound of Silence" and making it an electro-pop tune, some songs work only in specific genres and "Smoke on the Water" works as a hard rock song, not as a lounge jazz tune.
This is one of the worst songs I've ever heard. Yes, alongside some of the other garbage I've done on this blog, alongside "Call Me Maybe" which made me want to pop in the video tape from The Ring, but this made me wish death upon humanity. I don't hate this style of music, but that's because a lot of the music works for that style. This song does not, and quite frankly, Pat Boone is not the best person to even cover a song like "Smoke on the Water" in this style.
I'm the Entity of Darkness and let's forget this ever happened.
Where are the songs from Steven Universe when I need them?
Okay, so disregarding this total breakdown of not wanting to do such an abomination, let's talk about Dorbees, because this is a fascinating lost relic of awful animations. It was made by the son of one of the members of a Christian gospel group. I don't honestly know if these song were written by the group, but I think they were sung by them. Either way I'm not crediting this to anyone, because I don't think they want to have these songs on their discography. This animated waste of potential, has no Wikipedia page and barely has a page on IMDb, so if you want a good understanding of what this is here is the actual video, from YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veVPWYNTj00
Of course, I'm not here to talk about the video, just the music, but I will say this; it is awful. Seriously, I've seen very few things that was this level of crap, the animation is awful, the storytelling is all wonky, the plots make no sense, the characters are lifeless, and the songs themselves range from bad to so bad that I actually kind of like them. If you have seen the video, you may think that the songs are the best part of it, and yeah they are, but that does not mean they aren't crap.
This came out the year I was born, so I didn't grow up with it, I instead grew up with what this was ripping off, VeggieTales. Say what you want, but VeggieTales was actually really good, and it had some pretty great songs. This wanted to be VeggieTales, without understanding why VeggieTales worked. But I'm getting off topic, this is a song blog, not an animation blog.
So what better song to start with than the very first song in the video, the theme song!
It's sung in this kind of lounge music style. Where this song really falls apart are the lyrics. The first verse is fine, but the second verse is just confusing, what did the singer say? "Rolling to a crawl"?, "Roll unto a bowl"?, "Rolling to a ball"?, at least it's better than the intro to The Nutshack. Also, I should never hear the phrase "Tiny little balls" in the theme song of a kid's cartoon, that is the fourth verse after the bridge by the way. The bridge by the way, asks "Why don't they go away?". The theme song tells us nothing about the Dorbees, except that they are "Tiny little balls" and that eventually we're going to want the to go away, which can not be any truer. This is however, the highlight of our song selection.
Now the main reason I am not going to cover musicals on these blogs is because there is story in between the songs, but this one has simple stories that I can explain in less than a paragraph. So between the theme song and the next song is a beginning story about a Scandinavian dorbee that needs new clothes and goes to this "groovy, funky" clothing store run by a stereotypical disco dude.
This one definitely has a groove to it, something you can easily get down with on the dance floor. This one isn't too terrible, it's mostly just bland. It never really changes tone or gives us anything within itself. It really only serves as a space filler. Really the only thing decent about this song are the technicals, the vocal work is good and as I have stated prior there is a groove to this one. This is more middle of the road than anything else.
Following this story is another story about two children who skipped school and are about to enter a spooky house. Yes, they also get their own song.
This song is just awful, really bad, but honestly I kind of like it. I generally don't talk about stuff I like ironically on these blogs as I love and hate them, but this one really needs to be seen and heard to be believed. Although, unlike most songs I enjoy ironically, this one probably has the most issues. The first issue should be apparent before the song begins, the character singing should really not be singing. His voice is so nasally, it's like if Gary Oak from Pokémon decided to start a jazz group. The other issue is the lyrics. These two are, as stated in song, eight years old and their complaining about not having credit cards, beards or cars, yeah, because that was all I wanted when I was eight, not more Lego or a pet fish, a credit card and a car were all I wanted.
The other character has her own verse, this time the lyrics don't start of too bad, actually complaining about things that I can see children complaining about, things like having to curtsey and wear things in your hair, stuff that children would complain about. Granted they still aren't great lyrics, but still a step up from the previous stanza. The song ends with the strangest thing in this entire thing, and considering what's coming up next, that is saying a lot. It ends with rejected scraps from "Yellow Submarine" and then repeating the song's title. Overall, this one is probably the worst quality wise, but I love how bad it really is.
Following this song is the theme song to a German public access show about a superhero and his sidekick and their evil nemesis who is a French cow. The funny thing is you think I'm kidding! The funny thing is I am not kidding, why am I not kidding?
I do not know what to say about this one. The faux German accent and accordion music gets annoying very fast and the lyrics are just beyond basic, I get that is kind of the point, but just adds to the obnoxiousness of this song by making it a total ear worm. This one is the worst of them all, it is highly annoying and is entirely pointless as the entire segment did not need to be in the video, at all.
And to top of the story of the two kids skipping school, one more song to show that yes, these people should not quit their day job. Unfortunately I could not find any footage of this one, so if you want to hear it, the link to the whole video is still there, skip to about 31:58 in the video, the link is still up there if you need it.
Not only is this song entirely random, but it is barely audible. I have no clue what they are singing half of the time, although it sounds as though they are just repeating the same lines over and over again. This song serves nothing to the plot, comes right the hell out of nowhere, throws all logic out the window, is never mentioned afterwards in the epilogue, you know where this is going just show the card.
Yeah, one pointless flavoured Big Lipped Alligator Moment.
On top of the pointlessness and randomness, this song is pretty annoying. The vocal work is in such a pitch it's as if Peter Cetera, Tiny Tim, Barry Gibb and a gospel group of castrato singers were singing it. The Mr. Poe intro song is worse, but this one is the most pointless. Thankfully it's forgettable, which is probably why I can't find footage of the song itself.
So, what was the point of all this? Well, honestly I really wanted to talk about the songs in the piece of trash. I watched this about three times and it wasn't until the third time it really dawned on me how terrible the songs actually were. If I had to choose, my favourite of the bunch would be the "Digg's Duds" song as it has some groove to it and is probably the best song quality wise, sure it's bland and mostly there to fill up space, but it could've been a lot worse.
From that, the list goes like this:
The theme song - Still has some good qualities, but still pretty bad.
"I Wanna be Grown Up" - So bad it's good
"Mr. Poe and Yogul" intro - The worst quality wise, but not my least favourite.
The ending song - The most pointless, needless, forgettable, bland, obvious filler I've ever heard.
Really, this is kind of a testament to how bad a musical can get. I won't do musicals often on this blog, but if I find something with every song as bad as these, oh you better believe I'll be on it.
I'm the Entity of Darkness, and seriously, give this a watch if you're into "So bad, it's good" kind of stuff.
