Auditory Abominations: Top 20 Worst Music Videos - Part 2

Part One: http://auditoryabominations.blogspot.ca/2017/01/auditory-abominations-top-20-worst_25.html

10. "Whatzupwitu" - Eddie Murphy ft. Michael Jackson

This video commits sin by being a bad video that starts with a Discworld reference. Aside from that the rest of the beginning of this video are unconvincing green screen and a monochromatic Eddie Murphy surrounded by bad CG and lame computer effects. Whenever something moves past Eddie in this video, I can't help but see the line it's following, if it was a flash cartoon, I'd be seeing the motion tweens. Speaking of bad effects, Michael Jackson randomly sparkles into the video, and trust me when I say that is the one thing that makes the most sense in this entire video, I mean, music bars appear and they don't even stand on them, that is how little this music video makes sense. Also, I'm going to kick myself if I don't make this joke:

Yeah, almost all the transitions in this video are dissolves.

Steering back to the topic at hand, Michael brings nothing to this music video, all he really does is bob up and down, move his head back and forth and move his arms, there is no energy and no real passion. Then random stuff happens where it starts to rain Michael Jacksons, a heart frame appears over the both of them, and children in uniforms appear right out of nowhere circling both performers. Do I have to go on? About here is where I quit the video, I couldn't comprehend what I was watching, and also because the song itself was unbearable.

9. "Because I Love You (The Postman Song) - Stevie B

To be fair, I have never seen a music video so perfectly matched with any song before this one, the problem is that it also matched quality wise.

I don't care how cinematic and artsy you make a person doing nothing look, that doesn't hide the fact that the person is still doing nothing. Stevie here mostly stands by a wall or sits at a piano while the camera fades to other shots of him standing by a wall or sitting at his piano, and although my previous statement implied any effort of cinematics or artsy... ness, I guess, there really is none. I can count on one hand everything that happens in this video, and that amount of fingers I raise to this video, you can take that either way you want.

8. "Secular Haze" - Ghost BC

If I had to hazard a guess, I would say that this is the choice where most people would flip out over, yeah the song is good, but that doesn't make the video good.

If you want to gage how bad this video is, think of the worst SNL sketch you've ever seen and there you go. That's what "Secular Haze" reminds me of, a bad SNL sketch or even worse an abysmal SNL performance. The camera shifts around a lot and comes in and out of focus it feels like a drunkard was behind the camera, sometimes the camera just films random plumes of smoke moving because, I can't even make the argument that it's artsy, it's just random, and I don't even think it's for the sake of being random. The music video then ends with so many bright colours that it looks like Rainbow Bright was caught in the middle of a care bear orgy. You would think that a music video of the 2010s would have a little bit more effort than this. If you wanted to see cut Muppet Show content, this is the music video for you.

But at the very least, the song is pretty good, unlike my next entry...

7. "The Climb" - Miley Cyrus

I quite honestly have yet to see a video that is simultaneously pretty to look at but lacking any real substance. The video is kind of pretty with it's blue and purple lights and scenery, but it has the same issue as "Come and Get It", in that it is really style over substance, only this time it's more obvious.

The majority of the video is Miley just walking on a road, and stopping to pick up a rose, and watching some CG horses run past and then we see clips from the movie, which I never saw and don't have any desire to. We also get to see her stop and play for a few shots, but quite honestly, I have had a more interesting experience looking at a Chia Pet, just without all the admittedly pretty scenery.

6. "Go West" - Pet Shop Boys

You know, these visuals would look amazing, on a Sony PlayStation. The CG in this music video is texture less and reminds of a Video Brinquedo animated movie (Look them up, then you'll understand). If that was the only issue than the video wouldn't be so high, but the video surrounds itself in this gummy CG including the artists walking through unconvincing CG backgrounds and blue screen effects worse than Daler Mehndi. CG red stars fly all around the screen and there are plenty of shots of marching men, which are either too close, or not close enough and they go by so quickly I can never tell if they are real people or awful CG. Speaking of things flying around, out of nowhere, CG balls! At least they look better than 3D Balls, was that too easy of a joke? Screw it.

The artists walk up these bad CG stairs in the middle of the video and then a hammer and sickle, in the same video as the Statue of Liberty, I don't get it. The point where I just checked out was when the artists were standing on top of the CG balls, I'm tempted to just leave it at that, but then they just walk into the sky and go through a random sky door and what am I watching!? At the very least the song is not bad.

5. "Miracles" - Insane Clown Posse

Speaking of bad effects.

This is video is mostly just the Insane Clown Posse standing around while things happen beside and behind them. The things going on beside them aren't even interesting, those things are just barely moving and then the camera shifts to another scene that is what these two clowns are rapping about, with a couple close-ups of their faces. The video as a whole is a mesmerizing experience of WTF, and there is reason it became an infamous meme. Remember when memes were funny?

4. "Sweet Like Chocolate" - Shanks & Bigfoot

With some of the worst CG animation I have ever seen, there is no doubt that this music video would have made the list. If that was the only problem, it wouldn't be so high, but oh dear this music video also had to be boring.

Nothing really happens in the video, characters move around, things move around and the scene changes, and that's it. There is nothing going on through the entire video, even though this only is the fourth worst music video, I can vouch for each one in saying that there is at least something going on in every music video, but this one? Very little actually goes on, even in "Through the Fire and Flames" although nothing was happening, it at the very least did not desire to give us some creepy CG animation to go with it, and the colour scheme is almost exclusively brown tones, which in the right ways can be beautiful, but here it looks as plastic and ugly as a melted Barbie doll. Let's leave this music video for the forgotten corner of the internet.

3. "Right Now" - Van Halen

I want to know what was going through the mind of whomever made the concept for this video. I can almost picture the meeting right now...

"Hey Tim!"

"Yes Jon?"

"You know that video we have to work on for the new Van Halen song?"

"Yeah"

"Well I have the perfect idea!"

"Is it to give it some creepy CGI knockoff of a children's character?"

"No, let's put obnoxious text all over the video"

"Like at the beginning so the audience will have a chance to read it before the song begins?"

"No, all through the entire video, so the audience can read some text, and listen to music that does not match the text at the same time"

"So what text are we going to put in there?"

"Some stuff like 'Right now a child is starving in Africa' and then right after that we'll have some thing about the band"

"But wouldn't that make the band look a little bit egotistical?"

"Nah, David Lee Roth isn't here and he would find a way to make it larger than life"

"Well I think that is perfect for the music video!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, now let's find some stock footage of the band playing and stuff happening and place the music over that, then we can clock out early."

I apologize for that unfunny skit.

2. "Calypso" - Spiderbait

Ladies and Gentlemen, the worst CG animation I have ever seen, and considering the fact that I saw Dorbees - Making Decisions that is saying too much.

Nothing looks alive in this video, like even though it is highly outdated, the music video for "Money for Nothing" still looks more alive than this. Hell, even "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" looked more alive than this mechanical nightmare. The scene where the three... Characters I guess, fall and fly into the spaceship is horribly off beat and I'm only getting started with the problems in this music video. When they go into space, yes space, the problems really start to pile up. Especially the text bubbles, but first, the asteroids textures look more basic than the textures I have on my 3D object creation software, and the spaceship moves about as naturally as a mechanical horse. The text bubbles are probably the worst of this part as they freeze the entire video just so we can read one half-second of text that doesn't even have facial animation to it. Then they go into a planet monster, and get pooped out of it's planet butt, the funny thing is you think I am kidding! Seriously though, can we stop with the CG uvulas? They all look f*cking disgusting.

But in all seriousness, what really happened in this video? I mean, this has the problem "Sweet Like Chocolate" had, characters just got up, moved around and that's it, and please don't tell me that this was the best CG animation we could get in 1996, because Beast Wars came out the same year. However, there is one video worse than this.

1. "Parisian Goldfish" - Flying Lotus

Give up... Just give up. Seriously, I have nothing for this one, just quit doing what you're doing because this is one of the weirdest things I've seen in my entire life, and I saw the Little Baby's Ice Cream commercial. That's it, game over man, game over!

Between the seizure inducing green screen effects and the NSFW content, it's amazing that this video is even allowed on YouTube, oh wait, they censor it, because that totally helps the awkwardness that comes with this video, there is a time and a place for pornography, and also a form of arousal. Seriously what's fun about watching two adults banging on the rejected backgrounds from Problem Solverz? I've seen some strange stuff while making this list but this lunacy madness take I will NOT!

And that is my Nostalgia Critic reference, and now it's time to raise my quota.

And because I had so many, here are a few dishonourable mentions:

1. "Blurred Lines" - Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrel
Consider this one my number eleven, some would say that this is a very sexist music video, but quite frankly it was tame compared to the other sexist music videos I've seen, so I gave this one mercy.

2. "Nothing's Gonna Change My Love for You" - Glenn Medeiros
As I said when I reviewed this one, the only interesting thing about it was how the music video looked as though all it needed was the sing-along lyrics at the bottom of the screen.

3. "Hollaback Girl" - Gwen Steffani
Although this music video lacks cohesion and I loathe the opening bit, it was not as bad as these twenty.

4. "Goodies" - Ciara ft. Petey Pablo
You know, if you want to sell the whole "I'm more than sexy" thing, don't have a music video that does nothing but show off your figure.

5. "We Built This City" - Starship
A horribly dated music video with some laughably bad effects, and that's about it.

6. "Tennis Court" - Lorde
This one is odd but nothing to terrible. It at least has good visuals and could have worked for a different song, or at least parts of another music video.

Auditory Abominations: Top 20 Worst Music Videos - Part 1

The music video has largely changed a lot about the music industry, what was originally a medium that is mostly auditory and lyrical now added in a visual medium and from that we got some amazing videos, from Michael Jackson's "Thriller" to OK Go's "That One Moment" to Johnny Cash's "Hurt", there are so many amazing music videos out there, but that is why I'm not doing that first. I mean, there are music videos that are strange and odd, but a plain bad music video, I thought it was a rarity, but apparently not because I had twenty-nine contenders for this list, which by the way is more than when I did my worst Katy Perry songs list. Now, let's set a few rules here, of course with the usual one video per artist. Videos that are strange don't always equal bad, but the oddness factor will be taken into account because there still has to be method to the madness, and I feel as though I should also mention that I don't hate every song on this list, some of the songs I don't have much of an opinion on. With that said, let the fun begin.

20. "Holiday" - Madonna

Usually I am not all for dance music videos, where there aren't a lot of shots and it's just the artists and a few friends or hired extras dancing, but I do see that there is real talent behind it making the shots look good and having the dancing be on point. Good thing that neither of those went into this video. Madonna does have some good music videos, and plenty of good songs, but seriously, what was up with this one?

The first problem is the camera work, it has that afternoon soap opera feel, it's hard to explain but the characters never really feel like they're in front of anything, it's really weird and I've only noticed it in the soap operas my grandma watches. The beginning choreography is essentially just swinging her arms around and hopping, not jumping, hopping. Madonna also looks a little restrained doing this doesn't she? Like she wants to do something a tad more interesting, like kicks and spins but nope, just this. Then there is the elephant in the room, or rather the weirdo in the background, seriously what is he doing there? Whose idea was it to have this odd person in the background just watching Madonna and crew dance?

Beside that the video is just average, not particularly cinematic, but just so odd that I couldn't ignore it.

19."Come and Get It" - Selena Gomez

In some respects, this video shouldn't be too bad, it is cinematic and has some nice visuals, and we get to see plenty of those visuals, too much.

The main problem is that a lot of it tries to be cinematic, just for the sake of being cinematic. I mean what is the point of having the field of blue flowers and the dancing on the boat in the dark by fire-light? What does it really add to the song or video as a whole? Even in the beginning there are shots of hawks and waves and it just gives the sense of importance or grandiose that the song itself really lacks. It uses a lot of traits you would see in a movie, which makes sense when you see a music video as a mini movie, but a movie has some kind of story, even a lot of art-house films have some sort of story, and if this is supposed to be like an art-house film, than it fails by being uninteresting and having these visuals just because they look pretty. Lens flares, slow-motion and sexy clothing all appear in this video and none add anything note worthy to the video except making it look pretty.

What I'm saying is, this video is style over substance at it's finest.

18."Crazy B*tch" - Buckcherry

Okay, I'll admit that this music video has the right idea of placing the band in jail, the problem? Well, first it's kind of got that Memento style of video creation, where we see the end of the video at the beginning and vice versa. It worked in that movie because things got explained as the movie went along, this one moves along quickly, so I don't know what the group was arrested for in the video, at best I can see a parking violation, and I really hope that it isn't the worst.

The other main problem with the video, well it tries to sell itself with a woman dancing around in a sexy outfit. Granted, there are times when something like that works, but not with any song that can qualify as "Butt Rock". It just gives me the feeling of watching a bad stripper and I can't help but think that it kind of objectifies women at least a little bit. However, I will concede that there are worse offenders, such as...

17. "Call on Me" - Eric Prydz

There is a time and a place for pornography, there are also sites for pornography and I don't think people want to pleasure themselves to an ear-pounding song that actually makes Buckcherry sound pleasant.

Really, what else do I have to comment on? The complete sexist nature of the video in how it's a male fantasy through and through? Yeah, wouldn't we all like to be that one guy in a dance workout class surrounded by sexy women while they do pelvic thrusts and other sexual moves to a high energy song that assaults your ears and makes you wish you were listening to "Technologic". Even if the video wasn't intended to be like that, it still comes off as trying not to stare at your buddies girlfriend while she's bending down to get something, awkward and something we'd all like to forget about.

16. "Blue (Da Ba Dee) - Eiffel 65

Okay so the plot of this music video is that the frontman of Eiffel 65 gets kidnapped by these aliens and the other band members go to rescue him. Because that doesn't sound stupid at all.

Getting the obvious out of the way first, the aliens are f*cking gross. It's been said that their heads look phallic, I can see it, but I've seen worse. I am mostly talking about their movements, especially when they bob their heads up and down it looks so mechanical, and this is the guy who wasn't even weirded out by "I Feel Fantastic", which did not make the list. In fact, nothing about the alien's movements seem natural, it never looks like they are standing or moving on something so they look like a terrible, out-dated 3D effect from a movie like Jaws 3-D. The combat in this video looks terrible and the acting of the band's frontman is so bad, it's like he is being told how to act by someone with a thick accent.

Also, if you really want to see how bad the combat in this video is, look no further than the unarmed combat sections, which look more digitally altered than Pickle and Peanut, a show the features Photoshop images as main characters. Sometimes they don't even look like they're trying, and in the end of the video, despite being kidnapped and attacked, the band decides to go back and play for the weird blue aliens. Wow this music video is lame, and it's not even the worst CG I've seen in a music video.

15. "Let's Get Rocked" - Def Leppard

I'm perfectly sure that this would have been a fine music video, if it wasn't for that creepy, butt-ugly computer generated cross between a Weird-oh and Ash Ketchum. Really, who cares about any other issues the video may have? You'll never, ever get the image of that CG thing out of your head, and if you do you'll only replace it with a gag inducing shot of the inside of a CG mouth and dangling uvula, not just a dangling one either, it moves like a cartoonish booger. Just, GAH! Let's move on to something else.

14. "Through the Fire and Flames" - DragonForce

Seriously, standing there? That was the best idea you could've had for a music video? Yes I understand that this was early 2000s, but you know what was before the early 2000s? The music video for Aha's "Take on Me" which still looks great today, so even with the time period there is no excuse for how lame this video is.

Seriously, when you listen to this song what images come to your mind? Probably a large scale war, a fight with a giant dragon, you know something epic, fantastical, almost Lord of the Rings style, but what we got instead was standing there. Yeah the song is awesome, but that just makes the video worse because the video should have been awesome, even if actually having a large war was to expensive, animate it. Hire a good animator and animate something epic, like riding a griffon into the sky, charging into battle on a charcoal black unicorn with fire for a mane and glowing red eyes, slaughter a bunch of orcs, this could make for some really epic animated music video, but instead we got this. Joy bunnies.

13. "Hello Kitty" - Avril Lavigne

I've already talked about the song before and quite frankly the song may have put the video this high, but Christ this music video sucks.

Really, this music video can be summed up as "Avril Lavigne skips through Japan", and not any of the cool places like that deer park, or Mt. Fuji, or any of the Shinto Shrines, just through a very bright, hard to see city. When we do see colour, they are so cheerily colourful that it makes the video look quite vulgar, and why does she have those four women behind her? What real purpose do they serve and why do they do that awkward march?

As you know, this video caused a bit of controversy because of the depiction of Japanese culture being seen as "racist", I have seen worse, but in this day and age some would argue that a racism accusation makes things worse, I don't really agree but then again I have a feeling this wasn't done with any malicious intent, it was just a stupid video and that's it. The problem is, it's a stupid, pastel coloured nightmare.

12. "Tunak Tunak Tun" - Daler Mehndi

Surprisingly, I find that there is a lot to like about this video, I like how the artist characterizes the different elements, and the video has a very upbeat tone to it all. That is unfortunately where my praise ends.

Let's begin with the obvious, the CG is terrible, and I get the blue screen as sets would be very expensive, but at least build models, take some skillful pictures making the small buildings look large and dance in front of those or find some images of the places you want to dance in front of, but instead we got CG that would be embarrassing in ReBoot. It's especially noticeable when it comes to the effects for the elements, especially the Earth and water elements, with the former looking like something out of the Donkey Kong Country cartoon, and the later looking worse than the TLC video for "Waterfalls" which came out in 1994.

Also, even though I like how each elemental character is colour coded, it still would have been nice if there was some change in design, like little details that distinguished them all, like how the one for Earth would have his clothes together instead of everybody else's and the one for wind would look more (for lack of a better term) wind-swept. Then there is the dancing, which was funny at first but now just looks like drunks trying to impress people at a club, albeit a decent nightclub.

Also, why does the character representing wind look more like Earth, I always get those two confused.

11. "Mr. Blobby" - Mr. Blobby

Why couldn't I just forget about this travesty? Forgetting about the awful song that accompanies this, the video begins with some sci-fi thing, It's hard to really see through the smoke and what I assume are synchronized swimmers (I assume a lot about this song and video don't I?), then it moves into some party, but it moves simply to quickly so I can't even see what's going on. Then Mr. Blobby gets a massage, I think, then Mr. Blobby gets placed in terrible green screen backgrounds, and I thought the last entry had terrible green screen. Then the video decides to parody other, and as I often say in my creepypasta reviews, better music videos like "Addicted to Love" and that three-man point that ZZ Top does.

The video is a fuster-cluck of scenes and ideas if you can call them that, I'm not gonna call them that, and it just seems to stop eventually. Now, the horrifying this is not that this video exists, it's that the video is only number eleven... There are ten music videos I thought were worse than this.

And because I can't hold you hostage, I'll stop here, but this has been posted along side Part 2, so go read that: http://auditoryabominations.blogspot.ca/2017/01/auditory-abominations-top-20-worst.html

Top 10 Best Ace Audios I've reviewed this year - 2016

This may be a very interesting list, because on one end, I have not done as many Ace Audios as I quite honestly wanted to do this year, but on the other hand, the songs I have for this list are all very good. Even though I have only done eighteen Ace Audios, plenty of these songs are amazing and could easily have topped this list on their own, but alas, I have a choice to make and not an easy one. So, this is pretty much the same as my last list, except that now these are the songs I actually liked. So, on with the show.

#10. Back in Black - AC/DC

Kicking off my list is a song that I didn't even think would make this list, I mean I love AC/DC, they are in my top 15 favourite bands, but Back in Black just didn't seem to be as good as some of the other songs I covered. With that said, I was instantly hooked in while listening to it. That guitar riff is just so good and hot damn do I love Brain Johnson's vocals.

To me, this was also a very important song for the band as a whole considering that Bon Scott died shortly after the album began production, so the fact that the band could continue while still getting a frontman who sounded close to Bon Scott is quite impressive. I understand people are mixed about Brian Johnson, some loving him and others thinking that the band is not as good. To some respects I can see where some people are coming from, but honestly they sound pretty similar, not the same, but similar. I do like to chuckle at the people who complain that it sounds entirely different though. I mean, it's still AC/DC, it's not like when Ronnie James Dio took over Black Sabbath and made it pretty much just another Rainbow. The fact is, this song not only proved that the band could still go strong, but also continue staying strong whilst remaining largely unchanged. Rock on guys, rock on.

#9. Symphony of Destruction - Megadeth

Usually, I try to avoid talking about politics as much as possible, not that I am against talking about it, but I usually try to avoid subjects that polarize people so much. This is what makes a song like this a little bit more special to me, as it makes me feel comfortable listening to a subject I don't really feel comfortable with.

"Symphony of Destruction" has a beautiful simile in the chorus, stating "Just like the pied piper / Led rats through the streets" which is a really chilling comparison, especially if you have read the Pied Piper story, seriously after the king refused to pay the piper he kidnapped all the children. Let that be the moral folks, overthrow the king before he allows somebody to steal your children from you.

#8. The Sound of Silence - Disturbed & Simon and Garfunkel

I'm putting both of these versions together because it's easier than putting them separately. Seriously, if they were separate the Simon and Garfunkel version would just have been one spot below the Disturbed version. I like the lyrics of the song, but that is not really an interesting thing to say about either song, so I'm going to talk about what I like about each song.

The Simon and Garfunkel version is a classic folk rock tune from the sixties, one of the best decades in music history, third or fourth best hands down. I like the vocal harmony and the very somber tone to it, but it has a sort of melancholic cheer to it, it is a very interesting sound. On the other hand, the Disturbed version (which is my personal favourite of the two) has the better instrumentals, the piano in the beginning is just breathtaking and the orchestral backing builds upon itself until it climaxes and it just sounds beautiful. This version has a more depressing sound to it, but it kind of sounds very hopeful towards the end, especially with the building orchestra and David Draimen's roaring vocals. Really, both these songs are amazing, and I recommend both of them highly, now, back to the entries that aren't shared.

#7. To Hell and Back - Sabaton

War songs are usually hit or miss with me. I like songs like "One", "Zombie" and "Orange Crush", but other songs are not really songs that I would be listening to given the choice like "War" by Edwin Starr. This is what I love about "To Hell and Back" though, it isn't an anti-war song in the usual sense as there are no metaphors comparing the people who start wars as demons, no lyrics about crusades or atrocities, it's just a song about this one guy who suffered.

In some respects, yes this can be seen as an anti-war song, it does talk about the horrors of war and the effect it has on the soldiers who fight it, but the song isn't directly about that, it's more about Audie Murphy, who was a famous sufferer of PTSD. I like a song that can take a different look at things, because while thousands of people are treating veterans like murderers, we are ignoring the issues they have. I support troops, not war, there is a difference.

#6. Swimming Pools (Drank) - Kendrick Lemar

My favourite song in the rap & hip hop genres is this one, and considering what else has made the list, can you really say that you're surprised?

The subject of this song is very different compared to the subject of most modern rap songs, mostly about making money, getting ladies and getting high. This song is different, it talks more about alcoholism and the effect it has, both directly and indirectly. The song is a very melancholic but strangely relaxing tune, especially with it's beats and instrumentals, and yes digital beats still counts as instrumentals. The opening especially gives you a feeling of being afloat on your back gazing at the sky. It's a very calming song despite it's not very calming lyrical content.

#5. Eyes Wide Open - Gotye

Sometimes, all you need is a musical fence. Seriously, watch the making of this song, Gotye has it on his own channel, it's actually really interesting, but I digress. The instrumentals of this song alone could have placed it on this list, especially that amazing slide guitar, oh man I love that slide guitar. Gotye's vocal performance is also incredible, for those of you who only know him for "Somebody That I Used to Know", you aren't getting the full experience, he can really put a lot of power in his vocals. The theme of apocalypse is also an interesting one, not very often do I hear a song that has lyrics that perfectly match the tone of the instrumentals. More songs about apocalypse need slide guitar.

#4. Stargazer - Rainbow

Ronnie James Dio didn't die, he just left to fight the evil in some other dimension and is out there riding a dragon into fierce battle.

The story that "Stargazer" tells is a very good story, about a stargazer who has this tower built up to the skies but instead of flying like he wanted to, he just falls and dies. It's a very sad ending, but the instrumentals and lyrics make it more bitter-sweet. I love a song that can play with feelings like that as if they were putty. Since I'm talking about feelings let's also talk about that guitar solo. Hot damn that is just amazing. I seriously feel as though I'm flying when I listen to it, and then at the end I just land at the foot of the tower. Legends never truly die, they just leave the mortal world.

#3. The Show Must Go On - Queen

Speaking of legends. This song is pretty much Freddie's epitaph, it's a very operatic song, but behind the power and energy is a dying man. What really makes this song special is indeed Freddie's vocal performance, being sick and dying and he still knocked the ball out of the park. The rest of the band also do an amazing job with their instruments, Brain May especially deserves an honourable mention as his guitar playing compliments the tone of the song so well, it just matches the majesty and epic-ness of the song and adds so much to it. This is an entire rock opera squeezed into a few minutes and it doesn't even sound as though it's compressed, it sounds like it took the right amount of time it needed to, it's so beautiful.

#2. Aerials - System of a Down

This and my number one pick are both some of my favourite songs of all time, and although this ranks higher on my personal top ten, my number one pick was overall the better song. "Aerials" is my favourite song from my favourite band, but why? Well, for starters, I love the instrumental work, like seriously, the guitar work by Daron Malakian is just perfect, and John Dolmayan just kills it on the drums. I also like the lyrics, the metaphors could really be about anything, about prejudice, about borders, about war, about anything, and that's what makes a song like this so good, that it can be about anything, not that it has one specific meaning. As much as I love the upcoming song, it does really have just one meaning, this could be about anything. So, what tops this track, from my favourite band? well...

#1. Octavarium - Dream Theater

There is a reason this was my first Ace Audio. Octavarium is a twenty-four minute song, and every time I hear it, it only feels as though a couple of minutes passed by, never anywhere close to half an hour. On top of that, the inspiration from classical music can not be missed, even being in separate movements, and each instrumental solo between the movements transitions each one perfectly. The third movement is my favourite, but every movement of this song hits bulls eye. I could gush on and on about this song, from the opening to the ending, to the theme to the stories of the first two movements, to the fourth movement which has my favourite bit, oh man this is one of my favourite songs, and objectively looking at it, it really was the best song I reviewed this year.

And hey, here are my selected honourable mentions, consider these the songs that could've made the list, but just didn't.

1. Black Sabbath - Black Sabbath
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lVdMbUx1_k
I love the haunting instrumentals and the creepy lyrics.  consider this my unofficial number eleven pick for this list.

2. Moth Into Flame - Metallica
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tdKl-gTpZg
It was nice hearing Metallica deliver a song that felt a lot like old school Metallica this year. Probably my favourite song of the year hands down.

3. Fairytale of New York - The Pogues ft. Kristy MacColl
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9jbdgZidu8
My favourite Christmas song, I actually thought this would make the list instead of "Back in Black" by the way.

4. Royals - Lorde
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlcIKh6sBtc
A very different song than the ones that we see on the charts, and infinitely more interesting.

5. Champagne Supernova - Oasis
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3C7DECI0jU
So trippy, I love the psychedelic sounds of this, and how it still sounds like it's own thing.

Thank you all for reading, and keep an eye out for my next review which will be on this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtC92pzp5vw

Top 10 Worst Auditory Abominations I've reviewed this year - 2016

Oh boy this year, well since I just started I haven't really reviewed a whole lot of songs yet, but I have done enough to warrant a worst list. Now, I'm new to reviewing individual songs, as previously I've done reviews of Creepypasta (link to one review here), and as usual for those reviews, I often look at the worst of the stuff I reviewed, so I may as well do it here. Now, I want to end the year on a decently positive note, so I'm starting with my worst, and being honest, there is quite a lot of garbage this year, but I'm confident I can sort through the worst. Now, going through my entire list of blog entries, I have done twenty one Auditory Abominations, however one of them was a top ten list, which included honourable mentions, one of which I reviewed prior to that list, and another was a musical that had a selection of five separate songs, so that is a total of thirty-eight songs I've talked about on this blog. In comparison, I've only done eighteen Ace Audios this year, that is a twenty song difference, and very discouraging. Well, no use harping about it any longer, these are the worst songs I've looked at this year, oh joy.

And by the way, you can check out the reviews by clicking on the song title.

#10. Guerrilla Radio - Richard Cheese & Lounge Against the Machine

Oh goody, we are really starting off strong. This abomination is a lounge-jazz cover of the Rage Against the Machine song and it really does show why you should not do lounge-jazz covers of hard rock and heavy metal songs. I doubt that the guys are taking this seriously, I mean they call themselves Lounge Against the Machine, they really are not convincing me that they're doing this in earnest, except that they're not really doing anything. They are covering the song, and doing nothing, if they weren't doing this in earnest, they would be doing something clever or funny with the song. At least it felt like Pat Boone covered those songs with some form of earnesty, but I feel like these guys are doing it as a joke without understanding what makes a parody song or a joke song work.

If instead of covering the song line for line, they could maybe have garbled a couple of lines to poke fun at Zak de La Rocha's rapping style, than it would be a bit funny, but instead we got a shitty, boring and bland cover of an awesome song that quite honestly should have been forgotten.

#9. Come and Get It - Selena Gomez

Generally I don't like pop music, sure there are some good and even excellent songs now and again, but most of it just shows up, does it's purpose and disappears. Except now, it gets forced down our throats until it just goes away, which is not what music is supposed to be like. But what really grinds my bolts is when the song is as obnoxious as an infant throwing a tantrum.

When your opening beat sounds like a dentist's drill going through your ears, you should redo the entire thing. On top of that, Selena herself has very little interest in the song, or at least that's what it sounds like in the song, which is another bad sign. Essentially all this song is just an obnoxious beat with a boring singer with a subject that has been done since music existed. I doubt that there is any worse combination.

#8. Untitled - Simple Plan

What a load of whiney, generic bullshit! That is all this song is, a whiney piece of trash with generic lyrics that are supposed to be deep and meaningful even though they are the same lyrics every beginner tries to write for a "deep and meaningful song from the heart". On top of that, the vocals are annoying, as if Bob Dylan somehow ate Gerard Way, before being kicked in the nuts. Seriously, this kind of song makes me wish I was listening to "Heathens" and I don't even like that song a lot. Music did take a bit of a hit in quality in some areas in the 2000s, but not everything that is utter crap is from the modern era.

#7. Afternoon Delight - Starland Vocal Band

Generally, I would call a song like this a piece of fluff, but fluff is generally just a bunch of sugar and love, and I doubt any of that went into this song. What? You guys thought I was going to do the whole "That would be an insult to fluff" thing? Well, you're right because calling this song fluff is an insult to fluff.

I mean, what can I say? A large problem of this song is that it came out in the 1970s, a decade where the word "Tame" was being tossed out the window. Yeah, we had disco, but we also had songs like "Let's Get It On", "War Pigs", "Anarchy in the U.K.", "Stone Cold Crazy" and other songs containing explicit lyrics and themes that would have been considered taboo in previous decades. Sure a relatively tame song like this could easily become popular, but therein lies the problem, what really is worth holding on to with this song? The song's lyrics are not even wrapped in good metaphors and the instrumentals are slow and boring, and that is another large problem with the song. The song is just boring, nothing about this song is interesting on any level, the lyrics aren't interesting, in fact they are very obvious, the instrumentals are not interesting and the band isn't even that interesting, nor memorable. Really, the song itself is just one of those songs that you could lump into one of those "70's Classics" compilation CD's alongside the other tracks that nobody remembers.

#6. I Want to Know What Love Is - Foreigner

I know people love this song, but why? Seriously what is the appeal? Was it the "Sincerity"? Well, I highly doubt that because "I Want to Know What Love Is" works about as well as the classic "Hey baby, are you an angel?" pick-up line. "I Want to Know What Love Is" is like the barest minimum of a pick-up line, a line that drunks at the lowest of the lowest, low-end bars would not use.

On top of that, the song is just dull. It often just kind of drones and goes nowhere except for the awful chorus line, which it just decides to repeat, over and over and over and over and over until it digs into your brain like the Cerebral Bore, you know that badass gun from Turok II? Well, for anybody that has played the game, that would be a perfect comparison because after that thing digs into your brain it explodes. I think you can figure out what that means about this song on your own.

#5. This is How We Do - Katy Perry

If I could do my worst list of Katy Perry songs again, I probably would, but then again you try listening to over twenty songs from your most hated music artist and then tell me how easy it is. I feel as though the list itself could have used another rewrite, but I'm still confident that this would be the number one pick yet.

These kinds of songs irk me, the kind of songs that "Royals" was written in response to, the songs that say, "Life is perfect, strive to be this!". The reason these songs irk me is because of several reasons, starting with the fact that I am a fan of people like Doug Walker who have their fans on an equal level to their fame. Simply put, a song like this is essentially the singer saying that they'd rather have things than fans, or they just see fans as more things. It also doesn't help that listing off items does not make interesting lyrical content, and the fact that at the really worst, it feels like bragging. Add to that the fact that Katy Perry is my least favourite music artist and you have a song guaranteed to make this list. The downside is, it just gets worse from here.

#4. Everything I Do (I Do it For You) - Bryan Adams

Again, what was the appeal? This time the argument of the "Sincerity" does not work because "Everything I do, I do it for you" is a flat out creepy pick up line that borders on unhealthy obsession. At least "Every Breathe You Take" was supposed to be a stalker song, not a romantic song. Okay, I think I finally get the appeal. Yes, people thought "Every Breath You Take" was romantic, even though it was supposed to be disturbing, which makes it more ironic that I find this song disturbing when it was trying to be romantic, and that is no better shown than the song's second biggest issue, the vocal work.

Bryan Adams sounds like Raiden from the Mortal Kombat movie and he tries to sell it as soft and romantic, which makes the singing sound worse because now he was to make his voice slow and clear, especially when he's trying to sing what the instrumentals are trying to sell as an uplifting portion towards the end of the song, which unfortunately is probably more boring than the rest of the song. Let's talk about those instrumentals too, because if any instrumentals makes me wish I was listening to Michael Bublé instead it's this. Wow, Canada really has given the world a lot of meh and crap now haven't we?

#3. If You Leave Me Now - Chicago

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Oh sorry, I just fell asleep on my keyboard.

What we have here is one of the most boring songs in the entire god damn world, if Katy Perry is my least favourite music artist, than Chicago is, actually I can't go as far to say they are my least favourite band, especially when Foreigner and Buckcherry both exist, but oh man the band may as well be. I still stand by what I say about the 1970s, it was the best decade for music and I doubt anything will top it, but when the good stuff is amazing, the bad stuff is an equal level of awfulness, like the Yin and the Yang, for every amazing song, there is a song that is not.

Really, the entire problem of the song can be heard within the first minute of the entire thing, it's a break up song that sounds like a lullaby, and I don't want to feel sleepy when I hear a break up song, I want to feel compassion, sympathy or something else like that, not as though I'm sitting through Final Fantasy The Spirits Within, seriously, what is it with me and Video Game references today?

#2. Call Me Maybe - Carly Rae Jepsen

This song is wretched, if anything this should have been my first auditory abomination because this is one of my most hated songs. I can barely even stand five minutes of this, why isn't this song a crime unto humanity?

Carly does no favours for this song, she does not have a good voice on this track, which is especially worse when you consider she does not have to bad of a voice. The instrumentals have this faux orchestral sound that just does not work, it just makes the song sound even more annoying. The song is also a total ear worm, completely taking over our brains and sticking out like a sore thumb, kind of like the DuckTales theme song.

Oh and one more tidbit, did you know that Carly Rae Jepsen is older than Adele? Yeah, I'm not kidding, by three years in fact.

#1. Starships - Nicki Minaj

Oh yes, I despise "Call Me Maybe" a hell of a lot more, but if I had to objectively point to the worst song I've reviewed for this blog this year, it has to be "Starships". At least "Call Me Maybe" had focus, this song begins with one beat and vocal style, transitions to another and ends with one more, and when I say transitions, I mean just kinda shifts into it, no build up, no nothing. The lyrics also serve as a downfall to the song mostly for being just as incoherent, starting like a party song, then going into lyrics about being able to have intercourse with whomever, then out of nowhere singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", that is if you can even understand what she is "Singing", as she yells so loudly that some of the words just get garbled into random noises, and sometimes the lyrics are just random noises.

This song is the worst, and you know what? I have another year of this to go. Well, next time I'm doing the best songs I've reviewed this year, see you then.

And with the total amount of crap I went through, here are a few dishonourable mentions, if you want to check out the song, I've left the link below the title.

1. Dark Horse - Katy Perry ft. Juicy J
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KSOMA3QBU0
Just a boring song with a very bad rap section. Honestly, if it wasn't for that and the fact that the song probably has no real idea of what it's about, it would have just been forgettable.

2. Crazy B*tch - Buckcherry
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJ6pLKlU-8Q
Smut, pure smut, that is all this song is. If I want musical smut, I'll watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

3. We Built This City - Starship
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1b8AhIsSYQ
Just an outdated piece of 80's cheese, nothing to much to say.

4. Satellite - P.O.D.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SV0Eq2aIM24
Another really uninteresting song, this time it's just a Nu Metal song, hooray. Plus, what is with that anime stuff in the video?

5. Smoke on the Water - Pat Boone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIqY-zvdESQ
Cringe music, this didn't make the list because I at least feel as though this could have worked.

6. St. Anger - Metallica
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rFoGVkZ29w
Lars' abysmal drumming and the incoherent lyrics and melody were what made this song bad, but with a rewrite and some better drumming the song could have been a decent track.

7. "Mr. Poe & Yogul" song from "Dorbees - Making Decisions"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ofd1yvaw3Ms
It's pointless, annoying, stupid, unfunny and plenty of other words used to describe something in a negative connotation. However, this isn't even the worst song in the video, just the worst one that is interesting.

Auditory Abominations: Top 10 Worst Katy Perry Songs

Originally I was just going to talk about another one of Katy Perry's atrocities that the market and public try to argue qualifies as a form of good music, but there really isn't anything left to say about her. Often when a music artist fails in one particular way, there isn't a whole lot to say about them. For example, a band like Nickelback makes bad songs in two different ways, either a song like "Photograph" or "Animals". An artist like Katy Perry, only makes some of the most obnoxious, repetitious pieces of fluff in pop music, so there isn't a lot to say about Katy Perry anymore. However, I don't want this to be a stone left unturned, so I decided to talk about my ten least favourite songs from her, joy.

I set myself one very specific rule for this list, which was that I could only talk about songs that were either singles, whether commercial or promotional, or the song itself made it onto some chart. She also had to be the lead artist on the song and not the featuring credit. Also, songs I have or might review are not left off the list, so I had a lot of material for this list, 32 songs in fact, yes that many songs have charted and been released. This was no small task either as thirty-two songs is a lot from any artist, I mean I love Daft Punk but I don't think I could marathon thirty-two complete songs from them, and when you also throw on top of the fact that Katy Perry is my least favourite music artist, it just makes things worse, so I just kind of cut a couple of songs from the playlist.

But overall which song do I think sucks the most? well let's find out, this is the top ten worst Katy Perry Songs.

10. California Gurls (ft. Snoop Dogg) (2010)

What we have here is an indication that things are only going to get worse from here. To start off with, I'm fairly certain that I've heard this exact beat and style before, does it still count as a rip-off if you copy from yourself? I'm being serious, this song sounds almost exactly similar to "Hot n Cold" a song I actually don't think is to terrible. That was what really got me, but the lyrics didn't do this song any favours, in fact they may be the worst thing about this song, never mind Snoop Dogg's pathetic rapping that really makes me wonder if he was ever good in the first place.

The lyrics are an atrocity in and of themselves, pretty much just being, "California girls are hot", which, okay yeah point taken, but at the very least you could say something else, the way this song describes Californian girls makes me want to chase other women. Throw in some of the worst auto-tune I've ever heard outside of a Justin Bieber abomination and you have the tenth worst Katy Perry song, oh dark lord why must you make me suffer so?

9. Part of Me (2012)

Okay, first off I can't be the only one to think that this song's beat sounds almost exactly like other songs right? I mean, I may have thought "1901" when I heard it, but I swear there is another song that I can't remember that has almost the exact same beat.

Aside from that, the song is basically a "You can't take away who I am" kind of song, which is a good message for a song to have, but I don't think there really is anything left of who Katy Perry is. She has been dolled up for marketing purposes and almost stripped of her personality, she changes her appearance in so many of her music videos that it's hard to understand what kind of person she really is. I mean in this video she pretty much goes Mulan and joins the army, in another video she acts like a pin-up model, and then out of nowhere she is an Egyptian Pharaoh, at least when Lady Gaga has a costume it's always wild and crazy, when Katy Perry does it, she's pretty much restrained, like she has to have a different costume, but it can never been weird and wild.

I don't know if this song is hypocritical or not, but still it's not something that puts anybody in a good light.

8. Thinking of You (2009)

Because vague-ness is not just reserved for boy bands anymore.

This song starts of slow and boring, she doesn't really sound that interested in what she's saying, which is what not to do when singing what I can comfortably guess is a break-up song. Do I need to restate the obvious, when singing a song that is fueled by emotion, sound like you at least pretend to care.

I don't honestly know which I hate more, early Katy Perry with the more indie instrumentals, or modern Katy Perry with the pop-tronic stuff. I'll say that I may hate the pop-tronic stuff more, it is more forgettable and background noise than anything. This song sounds like Katy is putting in all the emotive efforts of one of Bob Dylan's nostrils and sounds just as appealing. Maybe the shift to Pop-tronic stuff was a better move for her as I don't know if anybody remembers this song or even knows that it's Katy Perry. Maybe Katy Perry's personality was always that she had none in her music.

Oh and these songs were all the tolerable stuff on this list, the next few entries are the real crap is next, starting with...

7. I Kissed a Girl (2008)

The song that put Katy Perry on the charts and it still is an atrocity. I may do a future review on this song, but for now I can put my thoughts on here.

The majority of this song is basically just Katy saying "I kissed a girl, and this is my reaction". It's mostly annoying with Katy Perry's obnoxious singing with not a very deep subject matter. I don't think the song really says anything like "I think I liked her more than him" but all we got is "I hope my boyfriend didn't mind it" which kind of reminds me of "Girl Crush", which is another song that goes "I like a girl, but want a guy", which does not really open itself for a song about change and LGBTQ rights.

6. Wide Awake (2012)

Remember in my "To Hell and Back" review where I said that the meaning behind a song is not the be all or end all? I said that some songs with little to no important meaning can be songs I like and songs with good and important messages can be songs I don't like. Well, the meaning I'm getting behind this song is that Katy Perry is now awake and realizes this is not the life she really wanted. I like the meaning of the song, but I think it got ruined because there really is no indication that she actually feels this way and was most likely saying this to tell others to not follow dreams of being famous just because, which is still a good message.

So if I'm okay with the probable message, than why is the song so high? Literally, the first line of the song sums up my problems. If you want the worst of auto-tune, just listen to Katy Perry sing "I'm Wide Awake". I'm not going to complain about the fact that this is the only thing we get for a chorus as I think a song like this can get away with it, and for that matter the lyrics aren't to bad, neither is the music video for that matter although I think the imagery can be obvious at times. Really my biggest gripe with this song is the fact that they spliced in the auto-tuned sample of "I'm Wide Awake" in between the song, which is an issue with good songs as well, such as Enya's "Diamonds on the Water" with that song's obnoxious sound effect.

At the very least, I don't think this song is to hypocritical, unlike so other filth that I know.

5. Ur So Gay (2007)

Umm... Wow! The title really says a lot huh. From the singer who gave us "I Kissed a Girl" and "Firework" comes a song that uses Gay as an insult towards some kind of hipster dude.

I think I could really leave it at that, but let's also talk about the music. It's pretty much her making an indie folk-rock song, which may have worked out to her favour (As this was a promotional single), if it was released in the 2010s, after the rise of groups like Mumford and Sons and The Lumineers. Really I can't say more because this song's problem can really be summed up by the title alone.

4. Birthday (2014)

If Katy Perry sang this at my Birthday, I'd throw her down a well.

The first problem with this song is that I can tell it's trying desperately hard to be a good party song, something to play at a dance show or God forbid a teen's birthday. However, the problem is that there are most likely millions of better songs to play, but one of those better songs is already a Katy Perry song, called "Hot n Cold" which I recommend over this. The next problem is that Katy tries to sound happy and energetic, but sounds more winded and forcing joy than anything else. That really is the biggest problem with this song, never mind the less than subtle lyrics and "metaphors" that don't fool anybody into thinking this actually a birthday song, it's just obnoxious and a bad party song.

Also don't play this for my birthday.

3. E.T. (ft. Kanye West) (2011)

I don't think this song is even Katy Perry's fault. Don't get me wrong she doesn't do this song any favours, but I think the reason for this song being so bad falls mostly on Kanye here, who proves he can be as good as a rapper as Vanilla Ice. Aside from his nasally, "I am pretty much a God" opening, he also has a verse before the song ends, which is slightly more tolerable than the opening verse he has, just slightly. Without Kanye here the song would really just be a boring mess that wouldn't have gotten anybody's attention.

2. Dark Horse (ft. Juicy J) (2013)

I think this is without a doubt, the most boring Katy Perry song I have ever heard. The beat is slow and dull, Katy Perry sounds half asleep in the normal verses, and the lyrics are either generic love song or generic break-up song. And speaking of the lyrics, what are they even about, cause at one point she wants you to make her your Aphrodite, which also makes me question why she went with the Egyptian motif instead of a Greek one, and the chorus claims she'll be coming at you like a dark horse. What dark horse is she referring to? Airon? Hengroen? The Trojan Horse? or maybe one of the horses that the ghost riders chase the devil's heard on.

Forgetting Katy Perry's confusing lyrics, Juicy J has a guest verse. I've never heard of Juicy J before this, and quite frankly I don't want to hear anymore. He makes references to Jeffery Dahmer, somebody that no pop song should allude to, much less even name drop. Other than any of that, this song is boring.

Before I reveal my most hated song, I want to go through a few honourable mentions:
1. Roar (2013)
It's pointless and annoying, but I didn't think it was terrible, just kind of background noise more than anything.

2. Firework (2010)
Katy can not get high notes, and that is nowhere else showcased better than this song, but the meaning isn't too bad and the music video is alright.

3. Unconditionally (2013)
This one was just meh, but it was when the chorus hit that it really annoyed me.

4. Waking Up in Vegas (2009)
No... Just no.

5. Rise (2016)
Maybe this wasn't the best pick, for my first Auditory Abomination, but I still think that it's a terrible song. It's mostly just dull and boring and offers nothing that you can't get out of any other song by any other artist.

Alright enough stalling.

1. This is How We Do (2014)

You know what kind of songs I really hate? The songs that are, "My life is perfect", or "this is a special day for me", these kind of songs just say, "look at me, aspire to be me" and it's just obnoxious. This isn't even a good version of that song. The faux-dubstep beat starts off really annoying and is coupled with an even more annoying, random auto-tune sample that repeats the song's title over and over again. The lyrics are pretty much just listing things that are most likely everyday occurrences for Katy because after the "verses" (Which really remind me of the intro to Pickle and Peanut) the song kind of drops for a bridge where she says "It's no big deal", which makes me question, if this stuff is not a big deal, than why did you not only make a song essentially about them, but also make it a single?

Also, the chorus itself is pretty much repeating the title with a "Do-Do" in place of actual lyrics. I know very few music artists that can get away with "la-las", "Do-dos", or "bah-bahs" instead of using actual lyrics, and the lyrics to this song suck.

Somehow this song is both the most annoying Katy Perry song, and the most bland. I might not be a fan of "Wide Awake" but at least it wasn't boring.

I'm the Entity of Darkness and next time, I'm doing an Ace Audio.