Auditory Abominations: "I Want to Know What Love Is" - Foreigner

You know, I want to take this series out of the modern age, not because I think music from the previous generation is worse, but mostly because it is giving me nothing to talk about. I mean what can I really say about a song like "All About That Bass" that I can't say about any other over-produced, substance lacking, obnoxious trite? Granted there are still plenty of songs that I want to cover, and there will be a time I'll talk about those songs in the future, but when looking at the worst of things, you can't stick with one generation, because that is a form of conformation bias. Even though I stated that the 2010s, as a whole are a great decade for music, I can't deny that I am kind of confirming to myself that the decade has no chances of improving by just looking at the crap of this decade.

So I'm going to take a break from my usual 2010s crap and take a look at a band that I hate more than I really should. Foreigner is one of my most hated bands ever, up there with Chicago, and for pretty much the same reasons. Of course this one has an even bigger issue than "If You Leave Me Now" which was mostly just ungodly dull.

The opening instrumentals set the mood perfectly that this is going to be one of the most generic and dullest songs in the world. It sounds like that preset Casio beat that accompanies every soap opera and nature documentary. It's that slow kind of droning keyboard sound that never really changes tone, and holds on itself while it is accompanied by that synthetic sounding drum beat that sounds right at home in the worlds slowest disco dance song rather than any love song as it never keeps rhythm and is mostly there because it compliments the droning keyboard. It's what sound designers use when they can't afford proper scene music.

The song itself sounds right at home introducing a cheap soap opera to the few TV screens turned on at four in the morning to unamused people. The lyrics are even more generic break-up song than "If You Leave Me Now" which I thought was the king of generic break-up song lyrics. It's made worse with the singer forcing an impression of Bruce Springsteen eating the frontman of Whitesnake.

And while I'm on the subject, what is with these break-up songs with generic lyrics? I mean, where are the lyrics like "You'll never find gold on a sandy beach"? Just a thought.

But what really irks me about this song is only partly the song's fault, another part of it has a little bit to do with the success of the song. The song topped not only the Hot 100, but also the Mainstream Rock Charts, which means that people were wanting to hear this song on not only Pop stations or Soft Rock stations, but regular Rock Stations too. However, that isn't what irks me the most, it's the fact that the people think that "I want to know what love is" is a romantic set of lyrics. That is the kind of whiny stuff a band like Simple Plan would sing, something that drunks are to ashamed to use at the lowest end of low-end bars.

What is so romantic about "I want to know what love is"? that is like textbook "I just want to get in your pants" douche bad right there, and people bought it up. Sure, it was the 80s but that excuse does not hold up, because I've heard love songs from the 1950s that put this one to shame, seriously "Blueberry Hill" is a great song and "Ring of Fire" puts every love song to shame.

The takeaway from this blog is that, love songs are not the easiest songs to make properly, as we can see the next time I do an abomination. Love songs deserve respect and when it isn't respected, we get garbage like this.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and next time, a song that also proves my point further, and that popularity does not mean quality.

P.S. I have made a Facebook page if you want to keep up to date with everything.

Auditory Abominations: "We Built This City" - Starship

There are plenty of songs that have received a bad reputation for being so bad, and a lot of these songs I will cover here. Ace Audio may be my excuse to talk about songs I like and analyze them, but as a music fan I should be able to recognize the failures, and oh boy ladies and gentlemen do we have a failure, and it may be my most recognizable abomination, that is actually recognized as an abomination, and this song has quite a bit of history too.

This song was made by Starship, and unless you lived in the 1980s, or have a large understanding of music history, the name won't ring any bells. Starship, came from the 70s rock band Jefferson Starship, which came from the 60s rock band Jefferson Airplane, so if any of you don't mind, I'm going to lump this with "St. Anger" and "Crush 'Em" as being a bad song, from a good artist. Starship was actually a new band because of some members departing from the band, and the fact that they decided to change genres, and also because of a lawsuit by Paul Kanter, I said there was some history. The suit was settled as both parties could not use either "Jefferson" or "Airplane" in their band names unless the members of Jefferson Airplane agreed.

The song itself earned a bit of a reputation despite it's success topping both the Hot 100 and the Mainstream Rock Charts, so yeah sometimes I wonder what everybody in the 80s was on for a lot of this music to pass.

Right off the bat we are pelted with some annoying vocals from the singer for this song, Mickey Thomas. Now, I've only listened to one full album by Jefferson Airplane and when I reviewed that on my album review blog, I said that Marty Balin was a boring singer, so now I'm dealing with the annoying. I do have to say that, sans the vocals, the build up is pretty good with a nice keyboard opening, I'm not gonna lie, it could've been great, but sadly it went all down hill from there.

The 1980s was a confusing decade for the rock genre, with the success of synth groups like Tears for Fears and Genesis, a lot of rock songs were going more synth and techno based rather than guitar based. Bands like Yes and a lot of the Hair Metal scene were hugely dominated by the keyboard and synth more than guitars, and if you don't believe me look at the rock charts at the time, how many guitar based rock songs topped them? Not very many, the rock charts were dominated with songs like "Owner of a Lonely Heart", "Don't You (Forget About Me)" and even "Hungry Like the Wolf" which I don't even think counts as a rock song.

What I'm saying is that this song is really outdated. The drums sound synthetic, the guitar sounds mixed with the keyboards and the bass is more of a makeshift metronome than anything else. The vocals are really the worst part about this song, they sound synthetic and kind of remind me of "Call Me Maybe" which is one of the worst songs I've ever heard. Grace Slick also offers her vocals, but they are, as usual, drowned out making her pretty pointless.

However, does this song deserve the scorn it has received? I was lead to believe the was one of the worst songs of all time, but what I got was mostly bland, annoying and mediocre at worst. I can't say I hate it, but the song does suck.

And speaking of Starships...

I'm the Entity of Darkness, next time.