Auditory Abominations: "The Climb" - Miley Cyrus

One thing that I stated that I will never review on this blog is a modern song by Miley Cyrus, yes, a lot of it is bad, but you know what? Miley Cyrus sucked before "We Can't Stop", and being honest, a lot of her newer stuff is at least an interesting kind of bad, hell, I don't even hate "Wrecking Ball". I would actually make the argument that modern Miley Cyrus is actually better than the Country Pop Miley Cyrus, and my first piece of evidence to support that claim is one of her most popular songs from the time, "The Climb".

"The Climb" was Miley's song from the Hannah Montana movie where she ends the persona of Hannah Montana and sings the song about how life is not about the destination, it's the journey. To quote another music critic who is better at this than I and has also talked about this song, it's like staring at this picture for a few minutes:

Actually, I think staring at this one picture would be far more interesting than this song. However, the message must have reached people, or whatever we qualify pre-teen girls as, I usually call them a nuisance, but it must have spoken to them because it peaked at number four on the Hot 100, Number Four, to give you some perspective "Use Somebody" by the Kings of Leon also peaked at number four and Lady Gaga's "Just Dance" topped the Hot 100. That is a pretty big achievement for any song, but now since the decade of "deep and heart-filled" pop songs has slowly been over shadowed by songs about have a large posterior and break up songs, is there any reason to come back to this song? Short answer is no, there is not. The long answer? well...

The opening piano is literally just pressing one key over and over again, give credit to where credit is due, at least "Call Me Maybe" has more than one key pressed in it's keyboard. Then we get a terrible opening lyric, "I can almost see it/That dream I'm dreaming", which is only the first part of the opening line, but seriously, those may just be the worst opening lyrics I've ever heard, yes, worse than "Starships". You know what those lyrics remind me off?

Yeah, that forty second parody of the lame, generic songs from The Thief and the Cobbler (Note: check out the songs from Thief and the Cobbler someday). I mean, the combination of those lyrics and the beyond basic piano, yeah this reminds me of this little joke.

Miley's beginning vocal work is dull, I can tell she isn't as invested in this song as she was in something like "Wrecking Ball". Her vocal patterns and the overall tone of the song sound a lot like "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing", and huh...
Between this and my last review there is quite a bit of ripping-off happening here, if the next Abomination I look at makes me think it's a rip-off, I will kill something.

The song tries to be inspirational, especially with the building instrumentals, which alright being fair sound alright, they don't sound amazing, but I have heard worse and you know what that in some cases is the best compliment I can give. The instrumental solo sounds pretty good though, not great, but passable.

I guess since I am on positives, the chorus is not too bad, it does drive the message home pretty well, and yeah there is always going to be an obstacle, but again, just because the message is good does not mean the song is, although the song ends pretty well, that does not excuse the atrocious beginning and middle.

So yeah, modern Miley Cyrus is better because it is at least a lot more interesting. Even still, this song is crap, the instrumentals and chorus are fine, but the song as a whole is a mess with poor vocal work, a lousy intro, and dull and often generic lyrics. The good news is, this song is quite forgettable.

I'm the Entity of Darkness and, I think my next abomination will be a classic.