Well, this is new. Yes, this is my first time I'm looking at a specific song from a TV Show, I mean I did look at the songs from "Dorbees - Making Decisions", but that was the entire thing, and only one video. SpongeBob SquarePants has over 200 episodes and two feature length movies, and even though the show isn't a musical series, covering all the songs would not be possible because 1). many of the songs are actually pretty good and 2). some of them barely crack a minute. Plus, I am planning to do a similar review for Ace Audio on a song from Steven Universe, have fun guessing it. So yeah, this is going to be a fun experiment.
This "treasure" of a song comes from the season 5 episode "To Love a Patty", an episode that I didn't like, not even as a kid. It was mostly because I didn't think the whole SpongeBob loves a Krabby Patty plot to be entertaining. Yes, you read that right, SpongeBob loves a Krabby Patty. No, not in the same way an artist loves their work, nor is it similar to that joke in "Just One Bite" where Squidward dreams of marrying a Krabby Patty. This is a whole episode where SpongeBob falls in a romantic love, with a burger. Of course this is the episode where we get one of the worst songs from the show.
I should also mention that this was apparently supposed to be a parody of a song from High School Musical, which doesn't work because that would require the audience member to A). Have seen High School Musical, and B). Have liked it enough to know all the songs. C). actually watch SpongeBob, and D). Actually dislikes that particular song to find this parody funny. I have never watched High School Musical, and I have no intents to, so if the audience doesn't get the reference than the parody is dead.
The opening instrumentals want you to know that they are doing this almost IN ERNEST! Having lightly strung instruments and an overall feeling of "whimsy" that is absolutely absent. The opening lyrics are also crap, but not for the same reason.
"Oh Baby/ They may call me a fool/ But I can't help/ Out gravitational pull"
As another music critic would say "NOT A RHYME", and the writer should know this. Tom Kenny doesn't even do anything to make those words rhyme, like pronounce "pull" like "pool" which is a basic technique that you are allowed to do, it is called a half-rhyme and you didn't even do that right.
While I'm on the subject, no SpongeBob is not the worst voice to be put to music, but in this song, he is somewhere between this:
Almost sporadically does the song actually change into an up tempo pop song. SpongeBob's voice does really lean more towards the annoying side in this song at this point too, but that is not the worst part of this song.
The lyrics are what make this song so unbearable, but that problem with them stems more from the issues with the episode plot. Basically, the plot screws up because they don't personify the object enough for the audience to understand why SpongeBob fell in love with it in the first place. So when SpongeBob sings something like "When I stuff you with cotton candy/ It reminds me you're so sweet", I'm left wondering if SpongeBob sees the object as a sweet girl or if the object itself is just something sweet.
I also really dislike how SpongeBob sings the word "Baby" as he has to drag and emphasize each time. It became really annoying before the first time it happened.
The second verse (or third I really don't care at this point) kicks in and suddenly SpongeBob sounds like he is sing-speaking, when he was doing actual singing before. This only serves to make the song even more confusing rather than mix in an interesting contrast or style. If anything it just sounds like they were being lazy.
I would also be foolish myself to not mention the infamous scene where SpongeBob starts murdering clams. It really is not one of the better scenes of the series and over all it would have been better off removed. You can see why in any review of this episode.
The final line I'd like to touch upon with this song is one of the last lines, "From your pickles to your buns/ It ain't even funny". I mean, I know pickles and buns are used when making a burger, but pickles and buns are euphemisms for body parts, pickles being for a part that is generally seen on males. I have doubts that this was intentional, but I can't believe how that got through the censors, but then again this is the series that had an episode where one of the characters was psychologically tormented to the point of committing suicide. I don't get this show anymore...
This song is crap! It is a parody that very few, if any, people would actually understand, has really obnoxious singing, and lyrics that range from confusing to concerning. However, none of that really matters, sure they make it a bad song, but that isn't why I think this song is awful, or at least not entirely why. If this song was cut, we would have actually gotten more insight into SpongeBob's mind, so we could see what he sees. As far as the audience is concerned, Patty is just a burger, so any insight we could get would really help us. What does SpongeBob see Patty's character to be like? none of that is explained and this song could have explained it in a similar way to how The Nightmare Before Christmas handles its songs, but instead we get this fluff of a song that amounts to nothing and somehow became downloadable content for the Rock Band video game series.
I don't get it. I'm the Entity of Darkness, and if you need me, I'll be knee deep in that magical labyrinth of I. M. Meen. It sounds better than this.
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