You know, despite what many people may think, it is not impossible to form an opinion on a song just by listening to one clip of it, in fact that is how many of us find songs we like. When ever we hear a song play in the background of something, or a clip of it played in a video, or as an ad in this song's case, we form an opinion on that small bit, if the opinion is a positive one, we go check out the song, if not, well that is why we have free will. This is part of the reason I have the songs up there if you guys want to listen to it, so if you haven't heard this song before and want to form your own opinion, you can do that.
A Jason DeRulo song has been on my list since I began, and originally I was going to look at "Whatcha Say", and I still might, but I think this takes a bit of priority because, even in 2017, mainstream hip-hop doesn't seem to understand that being obnoxious is not the same as being upbeat. So, here is "Swalla", really? This is going to be like "Bawitdaba" again isn't it?
This begins with a distorted ice cream truck jingle... Okay, that is one of the most random ways to start a song ever, but if it wasn't clear from the title, this lets you know exactly what the song is going to be about. WE ARE NOT STUPID!
The actual song begins with distorted vocals and the most generic beat I have ever heard. Then it gets worse, DeRulo opens his mouth. Jason DeRulo has had some okay tracks, I personally don't hate "The Other Side", but his voice just doesn't work for me on this track, it sounds like he is just doing the song for his next paycheck.
The opening lyrics don't help this song at all, "Love in a thousand different flavors/I wish that I could taste them all tonight", yeah, this is about as subtle as a sledgehammer, incidentally, that song is far more subtle despite being the louder song! Alright, trying to keep my comparisons until the song actually gets going. What's next?
"So you should bring all your friends/I swear that to all y'all my type". Oh goody, one of these songs, mindless background noise about no strings attached sex. Because we don't have enough of these. The bridge before the first chorus has the most annoying voice I have heard yet, DeRulo sounds like he is trying to mix The Weekend with Tiny Tim.
Well, let's look at the chorus, "Shimmy shimmy yay, shimmy yay, shimmy ya/Swalla-la-la (drank)/Swalla-la-la (swalla-la-la)/Swalla-la-la". Seriously, did you not have better lyrics than "Swalla-la-la"? Did that make more sense than "Swallow-low-low"? I mean, seriously, what the actual Hell? This is almost exactly like "Bawitdaba" except it makes even less sense, at least that song was purposefully trying to not make any sense, I hope. I mean, I haven't even gotten half-way through the song and I've already talked about the biggest problem, but I'll humour you, let's see if the song gets at better.
Our next rapper is Ty Dolla $ign, whom I have never heard a single song from, I just kind of assume that the majority of his career is featuring credits. Actually, I assume that about most mainstream rappers and hip-hop artists. He honestly sounds like Lil' Wayne finally finished going through puberty, complete with the voice sounding like auto-tune.
As for his actual verse, well, "Bust down on my wrist in this b*tch/My pinky-ring bigger than his" So, are they now throwing in women who are cheating on their boyfriends or husbands? Or is "pinky-ring" something entirely different? Suddenly, I miss "Afternoon Delight", that song was awful, but at least it's metaphors made some kind of sense, and yeah, it's not very subtle and still tries to be subtle, but you know, it at the very, VERY least sounds tolerable.
Dolla here also mumbles a lot of his lines, so even while I'm following alongside with the lyrics, it's actually very hard to understand him. Either, my theory that most modern pop artists perform while drunk is valid, or this guy is just an awful rapper.
After one more chorus, we get to Nicki Minaj, who I have talked about before. I'll keep this one brief, but her rapping style is speedy, and not in a good way. The speed doesn't sound natural, and doesn't work with her voice.
Anyway, her verse, "Bad gyal no swalla nuttin', word to the Dalai Lama/He know I'm a fashion killa, word to John Galliano".
Actually, that is something I wanted to comment on. "Gyal"? was "Gal" not enough so you had to throw in a completely pointless "Y" in there? Also, what does the Dalai Lama have to do with this? And I don't even know who John Galliano is, hold on let's see... Hmm... A fashion designer, I took Fashion Design in High School why didn't I learn about this? Most of Nicki's lines are just painfully awful metaphors that work about as well as, name dropping a religious figure in a song about sex.
Really, this song has more lyrical problems than that though, and I don't have the time to go into each awful lyric. Aside from that the beat is generic, the singers are all crap and I don't even think there is any hope for this song beyond 2017. If this song is remembered for anything, it will probably be for how awful it is.
I'm the Entity of Darkness, and...
I'm burnt out.
No comments:
Post a Comment