So, with my previous review being one of my most hated songs of all time, I thought for a follow up I'd take a look at the song that almost gives it a run for its money.
Whereas "Call Me Maybe" was obnoxious and repetitious, "If You Leave Me Now" is Boring and repetitious. The song seriously sounds like the most half-assed lullaby you will ever hear, and considering Peter Cetera's vocals, that is an accomplishment.
The song is supposed to be a break-up song, which fails miserably, because a break-up song should sound emotional, you know something like Adele's "Someone Like You" or something like Meat Loaf's "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad" which are both looking at the sad aspects of a break-up, or you could have something like Cee-Lo Green's "F**K You" which focuses on more of the angry and confused parts of a break-up. This song feels like it wants to be a sad break-up song, but it fails by being so emotionless and soulless. "Jar of Hearts" is a sadder break-up song than this, and that is another song that qualifies to be an Auditory Abomination.
The instrumentals also don't do this song any favours. You know those slow songs that were everywhere in the 70s and early 80s? Well, times the blandness of the worst of them all by about ten and you have the dull and uninteresting instrumentals this song has, although they perfectly match Peter Cetera's high pitched squeal of a singing voice.
Yeah, there is a reason I called Peter Cetera a Pop Princess in my last review, and it isn't even that it's high pitched, it's that it's bland. The Bee Gees sound manlier than Peter Cetera, and they were known for their voices.
This is a dull song that is a product of its times in the worst ways. Just like how "Eve of Destruction" is a product of the 60s and how "Eye of the Tiger" is a product of the 80s, this song is such a product of the 70s although where as both "Eve of Destruction" and "Eye of the Tiger" are awesome songs, this belongs on the list of Auditory Abominations. It's like if you mixed a Bee Gees song with a 50s Doo-wop song.
But which song is worst, this or "Call Me Maybe"? Well, to me it is like comparing Apples to Freight Trains, there are entirely different things, but really it depends what you think is worse, a song that is obnoxious and repetitive, or a song that is boring and represents all the worst music of that respective decade, I think "Call Me Maybe" is worse because I can't even sit through a minute and a half of it, but I think a boring song is always worse, because a boring song has no reason to exist.
I'm the Entity of Darkness, and I'm done.
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