Auditory Abominations: Top 10 Worst Katy Perry Songs

Originally I was just going to talk about another one of Katy Perry's atrocities that the market and public try to argue qualifies as a form of good music, but there really isn't anything left to say about her. Often when a music artist fails in one particular way, there isn't a whole lot to say about them. For example, a band like Nickelback makes bad songs in two different ways, either a song like "Photograph" or "Animals". An artist like Katy Perry, only makes some of the most obnoxious, repetitious pieces of fluff in pop music, so there isn't a lot to say about Katy Perry anymore. However, I don't want this to be a stone left unturned, so I decided to talk about my ten least favourite songs from her, joy.

I set myself one very specific rule for this list, which was that I could only talk about songs that were either singles, whether commercial or promotional, or the song itself made it onto some chart. She also had to be the lead artist on the song and not the featuring credit. Also, songs I have or might review are not left off the list, so I had a lot of material for this list, 32 songs in fact, yes that many songs have charted and been released. This was no small task either as thirty-two songs is a lot from any artist, I mean I love Daft Punk but I don't think I could marathon thirty-two complete songs from them, and when you also throw on top of the fact that Katy Perry is my least favourite music artist, it just makes things worse, so I just kind of cut a couple of songs from the playlist.

But overall which song do I think sucks the most? well let's find out, this is the top ten worst Katy Perry Songs.

10. California Gurls (ft. Snoop Dogg) (2010)

What we have here is an indication that things are only going to get worse from here. To start off with, I'm fairly certain that I've heard this exact beat and style before, does it still count as a rip-off if you copy from yourself? I'm being serious, this song sounds almost exactly similar to "Hot n Cold" a song I actually don't think is to terrible. That was what really got me, but the lyrics didn't do this song any favours, in fact they may be the worst thing about this song, never mind Snoop Dogg's pathetic rapping that really makes me wonder if he was ever good in the first place.

The lyrics are an atrocity in and of themselves, pretty much just being, "California girls are hot", which, okay yeah point taken, but at the very least you could say something else, the way this song describes Californian girls makes me want to chase other women. Throw in some of the worst auto-tune I've ever heard outside of a Justin Bieber abomination and you have the tenth worst Katy Perry song, oh dark lord why must you make me suffer so?

9. Part of Me (2012)

Okay, first off I can't be the only one to think that this song's beat sounds almost exactly like other songs right? I mean, I may have thought "1901" when I heard it, but I swear there is another song that I can't remember that has almost the exact same beat.

Aside from that, the song is basically a "You can't take away who I am" kind of song, which is a good message for a song to have, but I don't think there really is anything left of who Katy Perry is. She has been dolled up for marketing purposes and almost stripped of her personality, she changes her appearance in so many of her music videos that it's hard to understand what kind of person she really is. I mean in this video she pretty much goes Mulan and joins the army, in another video she acts like a pin-up model, and then out of nowhere she is an Egyptian Pharaoh, at least when Lady Gaga has a costume it's always wild and crazy, when Katy Perry does it, she's pretty much restrained, like she has to have a different costume, but it can never been weird and wild.

I don't know if this song is hypocritical or not, but still it's not something that puts anybody in a good light.

8. Thinking of You (2009)

Because vague-ness is not just reserved for boy bands anymore.

This song starts of slow and boring, she doesn't really sound that interested in what she's saying, which is what not to do when singing what I can comfortably guess is a break-up song. Do I need to restate the obvious, when singing a song that is fueled by emotion, sound like you at least pretend to care.

I don't honestly know which I hate more, early Katy Perry with the more indie instrumentals, or modern Katy Perry with the pop-tronic stuff. I'll say that I may hate the pop-tronic stuff more, it is more forgettable and background noise than anything. This song sounds like Katy is putting in all the emotive efforts of one of Bob Dylan's nostrils and sounds just as appealing. Maybe the shift to Pop-tronic stuff was a better move for her as I don't know if anybody remembers this song or even knows that it's Katy Perry. Maybe Katy Perry's personality was always that she had none in her music.

Oh and these songs were all the tolerable stuff on this list, the next few entries are the real crap is next, starting with...

7. I Kissed a Girl (2008)

The song that put Katy Perry on the charts and it still is an atrocity. I may do a future review on this song, but for now I can put my thoughts on here.

The majority of this song is basically just Katy saying "I kissed a girl, and this is my reaction". It's mostly annoying with Katy Perry's obnoxious singing with not a very deep subject matter. I don't think the song really says anything like "I think I liked her more than him" but all we got is "I hope my boyfriend didn't mind it" which kind of reminds me of "Girl Crush", which is another song that goes "I like a girl, but want a guy", which does not really open itself for a song about change and LGBTQ rights.

6. Wide Awake (2012)

Remember in my "To Hell and Back" review where I said that the meaning behind a song is not the be all or end all? I said that some songs with little to no important meaning can be songs I like and songs with good and important messages can be songs I don't like. Well, the meaning I'm getting behind this song is that Katy Perry is now awake and realizes this is not the life she really wanted. I like the meaning of the song, but I think it got ruined because there really is no indication that she actually feels this way and was most likely saying this to tell others to not follow dreams of being famous just because, which is still a good message.

So if I'm okay with the probable message, than why is the song so high? Literally, the first line of the song sums up my problems. If you want the worst of auto-tune, just listen to Katy Perry sing "I'm Wide Awake". I'm not going to complain about the fact that this is the only thing we get for a chorus as I think a song like this can get away with it, and for that matter the lyrics aren't to bad, neither is the music video for that matter although I think the imagery can be obvious at times. Really my biggest gripe with this song is the fact that they spliced in the auto-tuned sample of "I'm Wide Awake" in between the song, which is an issue with good songs as well, such as Enya's "Diamonds on the Water" with that song's obnoxious sound effect.

At the very least, I don't think this song is to hypocritical, unlike so other filth that I know.

5. Ur So Gay (2007)

Umm... Wow! The title really says a lot huh. From the singer who gave us "I Kissed a Girl" and "Firework" comes a song that uses Gay as an insult towards some kind of hipster dude.

I think I could really leave it at that, but let's also talk about the music. It's pretty much her making an indie folk-rock song, which may have worked out to her favour (As this was a promotional single), if it was released in the 2010s, after the rise of groups like Mumford and Sons and The Lumineers. Really I can't say more because this song's problem can really be summed up by the title alone.

4. Birthday (2014)

If Katy Perry sang this at my Birthday, I'd throw her down a well.

The first problem with this song is that I can tell it's trying desperately hard to be a good party song, something to play at a dance show or God forbid a teen's birthday. However, the problem is that there are most likely millions of better songs to play, but one of those better songs is already a Katy Perry song, called "Hot n Cold" which I recommend over this. The next problem is that Katy tries to sound happy and energetic, but sounds more winded and forcing joy than anything else. That really is the biggest problem with this song, never mind the less than subtle lyrics and "metaphors" that don't fool anybody into thinking this actually a birthday song, it's just obnoxious and a bad party song.

Also don't play this for my birthday.

3. E.T. (ft. Kanye West) (2011)

I don't think this song is even Katy Perry's fault. Don't get me wrong she doesn't do this song any favours, but I think the reason for this song being so bad falls mostly on Kanye here, who proves he can be as good as a rapper as Vanilla Ice. Aside from his nasally, "I am pretty much a God" opening, he also has a verse before the song ends, which is slightly more tolerable than the opening verse he has, just slightly. Without Kanye here the song would really just be a boring mess that wouldn't have gotten anybody's attention.

2. Dark Horse (ft. Juicy J) (2013)

I think this is without a doubt, the most boring Katy Perry song I have ever heard. The beat is slow and dull, Katy Perry sounds half asleep in the normal verses, and the lyrics are either generic love song or generic break-up song. And speaking of the lyrics, what are they even about, cause at one point she wants you to make her your Aphrodite, which also makes me question why she went with the Egyptian motif instead of a Greek one, and the chorus claims she'll be coming at you like a dark horse. What dark horse is she referring to? Airon? Hengroen? The Trojan Horse? or maybe one of the horses that the ghost riders chase the devil's heard on.

Forgetting Katy Perry's confusing lyrics, Juicy J has a guest verse. I've never heard of Juicy J before this, and quite frankly I don't want to hear anymore. He makes references to Jeffery Dahmer, somebody that no pop song should allude to, much less even name drop. Other than any of that, this song is boring.

Before I reveal my most hated song, I want to go through a few honourable mentions:
1. Roar (2013)
It's pointless and annoying, but I didn't think it was terrible, just kind of background noise more than anything.

2. Firework (2010)
Katy can not get high notes, and that is nowhere else showcased better than this song, but the meaning isn't too bad and the music video is alright.

3. Unconditionally (2013)
This one was just meh, but it was when the chorus hit that it really annoyed me.

4. Waking Up in Vegas (2009)
No... Just no.

5. Rise (2016)
Maybe this wasn't the best pick, for my first Auditory Abomination, but I still think that it's a terrible song. It's mostly just dull and boring and offers nothing that you can't get out of any other song by any other artist.

Alright enough stalling.

1. This is How We Do (2014)

You know what kind of songs I really hate? The songs that are, "My life is perfect", or "this is a special day for me", these kind of songs just say, "look at me, aspire to be me" and it's just obnoxious. This isn't even a good version of that song. The faux-dubstep beat starts off really annoying and is coupled with an even more annoying, random auto-tune sample that repeats the song's title over and over again. The lyrics are pretty much just listing things that are most likely everyday occurrences for Katy because after the "verses" (Which really remind me of the intro to Pickle and Peanut) the song kind of drops for a bridge where she says "It's no big deal", which makes me question, if this stuff is not a big deal, than why did you not only make a song essentially about them, but also make it a single?

Also, the chorus itself is pretty much repeating the title with a "Do-Do" in place of actual lyrics. I know very few music artists that can get away with "la-las", "Do-dos", or "bah-bahs" instead of using actual lyrics, and the lyrics to this song suck.

Somehow this song is both the most annoying Katy Perry song, and the most bland. I might not be a fan of "Wide Awake" but at least it wasn't boring.

I'm the Entity of Darkness and next time, I'm doing an Ace Audio.