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Monday 15 May 2017

Auditory Abominations: "Hotline Bling" - Drake


I originally thought there was not a whole lot to talk about with music from the 2010s, especially since most songs follow a trend that is popular during the year or decade. However, what surprises me the most about this decade is not that there are few songs that fit this mould, but that there are many songs that do and still have a lot to talk about, case in point "Hotline Bling".

I have kind of a meter for songs I can cover on this blog, on the low end are the songs that seem to be simply outdated, at the very far end are the songs that full on offend me. I try to avoid both extremes if possible, even the worst songs I have covered don't go to far as to offend me, this song doesn't either, but mostly because the music is to mellow and clean to mask what is really wrong with this song. Yeah, this is going to be another lyrical analysis review, much like the atrocities of "Bawitdaba" and "Swalla".

Before I get into any of that though, let's talk about the other aspects of the song. Such as the opening beat, which is four drum machine beats played like it's an actual rhythm. Honestly though, it's not to annoying, but Drake's auto-tune is, I mean what even is that point of the auto-tune here? Seriously, what is the point of it?

When we the actual beat and music of the song, it's not terrible, although it sounds way to much like the Nintendo eShop's theme. Drake's voice also doesn't sound as entirely auto-tuned as the intro, although I would not be surprised if he still used auto-tune. Remind me to go on a large rant about this when I talk about Cher's "Believe", I've just to pick my battles at this point.

Well, it's lyric time, and the first problematic lyric is more of a nitpick than anything else, but I don't think Drake knows what a hotline is. He's using hotline as in ringtone and I can only assume the reason he used that word is because it sounded cooler. He also says that he knows "It can only mean one thing." Granted that one thing is fairly freaking obvious but just because you know what it is, does not mean somebody else knows what it is. A life rule to live by, nothing is immediately obvious.

I don't think this song knows what it wants to be, because it sounds and is sung like it wants to be a sympathetic break-up song, but at no point in the lyrics is there any indication that anybody broke up with anybody. All he says is, "Ever since I left the city" and we have to assume that at that moment she broke up with him and shake our fist saying "Doh, you broke his heart you evil person!" Which is not something I can do at the best of times, but certainly not when Drake is involved, or anybody associated with Lil' Wayne for that matter.

Some other lyrics of note are "You make me feel like I did you wrong/Going places where you don't belong" which makes me wonder, because there are places people don't belong like, the dumpster, the Sahara desert, The Sun, Encyclopedia Dramatica you know those places, but I have doubts that this woman is going to any of those places, so quite honestly, unless she is a goddamn child, she can go anywhere she damn well chooses.

Another large problem is that Drake never specifies how long he was gone, all he says is "Ever since I left the city", which, okay if he was gone for a couple days then maybe he would have the right to be angry, but as far as I know he could have been gone for half a decade, (Five years). In fact, the song becomes worse if you listen to it with that mindset because it makes Drake look so desperate that it almost comes off as abusive, I mean "Going places where you don't belong", "You don't need no one else", "Used to always stay at home, be a good girl", "Right now, you're someone else". You know what time period people would have said this to women? The 1930s, when women still had societal expectations placed upon them that are bullshit. Stay married to one man, bullshit!

Also, the last time I ever called anything a "Good Girl" was when I was comparing one of my cats to her brother, and how by comparison she was a good girl. Only by comparison though.

Break-up songs are everywhere, but I don't even think this qualifies as a break-up song. If it does, than "Breakfast at Tiffany's" also qualifies, and that is literally about two people who work through their relationship because they both kind of liked this movie from the early 1960s.

Looking at the lyrics, I feel like Drake should take OK Go's advice. "Aw, and it ain't real forgiving, it ain't real forgiving sitting here picturing someone else living". Link to that song here!

Honestly, it may have been a good thing this song's lyrics were like this because the song itself is just so dull. If it wasn't for the lyrics this would have been any other hack R&B song by Drake, but this has some of the worst lyrical content I've seen on this blog, not the worst, I still think "Swalla" has the worst, but this is currently in my top three.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and I need an Ace after this... What do I have lined up? Power Metal? Alright...

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