Auditory Abominations: "Addicted" - Simple Plan

Hey, I've already talked about Simple Plan. Yeah, last year I reviewed the song "Untitled", which may just be home to the most generic set of lyrics I have ever heard. Well, see there is a reason I'm looking at Simple Plan again, and that reason is, "Untitled" is only one of their bad songs. I don't think I'm going to do another Simple Plan song after this, although "I'm Just a Kid" is also utterly terrible. The reason is that, "Untitled" is not the norm of bad Simple Plan, much like how "Glycerine" is not the norm of bad 90s music, "Untitled" was a completely different beast to slay than this. Although some of the main problems are still prevalent, the frontman is annoying and the instrumentals never get passed anything other than Meh, it has different problems than "Untitled" does. So, here is my second look at the worst band my country has ever spat out, opinion subject to change of course.

So, how does this song start? With what sounds like the bastardization of "Sweet Child O' Mine". This opening guitar riff sounds horrible and I feel like if it played on repeat it would cause a headache in two minutes. Aside from that, the frontman still sounds like a castrated Bob Dylan with a nasal cold, and the rest of the instrumentals don't really do much. However, that is not the worst part about the opening lyrics.

When they say "Addicted" they have to pause before they finish it, so essentially they are saying "I'm a dick, I'm addicted to you". Which is the worst pick-up line I have ever heard. I mean, "I want to know what love is", "Everything I do, I do it for you", "When I dream, I'm doing you all night", they all got nothing on "I'm a dick, I'm addicted to you", yes, I'm giving apologies to Foreigner, apparently you can sink lower than "I Want to Know What Love Is".

Okay, giving this song the benefit of the doubt in that this song might be a break-up song, no. You should not ever have say, "Hunny, I'm still a dick... Still addicted to you!" If I heard that, I'd cut all ties immediately.

The chorus itself tries to be sort of energized, but it just sounds the exact same as other Simple Plan songs. I mean, what is the difference between this song and "I'm Just a Kid", aside from the incredible line of "I'm a dick... I'm a addicted to you"? The chorus has many moments where the music pauses, and instead of putting emphasis on a specific line, they stop just to start as soon as the frontman begins again.

Also, the chorus makes me realize something I hate about break up songs, most of them are one sided. I get the idea that you only have your own thoughts on how and why the break up went, but I find that the best break up songs are not always the "I want you back" or the "I hope you die and rot alone where you belong" kind of songs, more a song like OutKast's "Ms. Jackson" which actually focuses more on the break up effecting other people within the family, and has some great lyrical contrast between Andre and Big Boy. Another good example is Gotye's "Somebody That I used to Know" as it actually focuses on the post break up, they are glad it's over, but he doesn't want to be cut out of her life. Also, Adele's "Someone Like You" which is a beautiful song about trying to move on, and they were all successful songs as well, each of them topping the Hot 100 in America.

Although comparing the songs success wise, this song peaked at number 45, so the general public all admits that these kinds of songs are not the best love songs either, but then you realize that this was the third single released from the band's debut album. This song, over a song that had one of the members of Good Charlotte that could have given you even more hits.

They chose a song that is at best an even lamer version of The Proclaimer's "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" which has it's charm and it's place in music history. You know what this song is at worst? A generic, par for the course Simple Plan song. I would much rather listen to Eamon's overly angry, rude and trying to hard too offend "F*ck It (I Don't Want You Back)" because even then that is a song that is about moving on, although one of the worst songs in that category.

I knocked out every problem with this song before the song even reached it's two minute mark. Thank whoever invented the pause button, and that is a true testament to a song's poor quality. You see, "Mr. Blobby" and "Starships" both got worse as they went on, "Swalla" and "Bawtidaba" both had so much lyrical problems that I could not end the review at just one minute of the song. A lot of the songs I cover I listen to entirely because they often change, get worse or just have such awful lyrics that I can't ignore them all. This song doesn't sound like it will change, and for three, almost four, minutes we get awful singing, bland instrumentals and a subject that has been before and since in different and more importantly better ways.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and next time I'm going to try something a bit different...

Auditory Abominations: "She Hates Me" - Puddle of Mudd

I believe I've stated before that mainstream rock was hit and miss in the 2000s. Although Nickelback is tolerable on some tracks and Hinder isn't terrible, Simple Plan is beyond whiny, Buckcherry is just musical smut, Limp Bizkit was a thing, Creed is a band I would rather forget about and then we have Puddle of Mudd. I've never heard of this band before Rocked Reviews talked about the album Come Clean. Immediately what stood out to me was the vocal work, You know how I said Austin Josh was my pick for least favourite vocalist? Well, Wes Scantlin may give him a run for his money. What was it about the raspy voice that was so big in mainstream rock? It doesn't make the singer sound tortured it makes the singer sound constipated.

Whatever, amazingly this wasn't a song I chose entirely at random, as this song topped the mainstream rock charts. Once again for the cheap seats, this song TOPPED the mainstream rock chart. You know what else topped the chart? a little known song called "Aerials", the exact same year. 2002 was the year Puddle of Mudd reached number one just under a month after System of a Down. Was this song worthy of that accolade? What do you think?

The opening riff is meh, it's strum-along twang that is just boring. I understand basic riffs, some of my favourite opening riffs are basic, "Back in Black", "Smoke on the Water" and "Iron Man" especially, but those riffs got me hooked on the song. That is something that a good riff does, get you hooked on the song before the song truly begins. Wes' opening vocals are like if Austin Josh and Kurt Cobain had a child, which is not the worst sound in the world, but still a clichéd one. This kind of voice was everywhere in rock at the time, Nickelback, Creed, Hinder etcetera. I guess it spawned off from the grunge scene with groups like Nirvana and Pearl Jam, but grunge is an off-shoot of punk with rough sounding instrumentals, mainstream rock is not a clean sounding genre. I guess you can qualify Nickelback as "post-grunge", but all of this? I give bands like Simple Plan and Buckcherry credit, they have vocalists that aren't annoyingly raspy, although with Simple Plan that isn't saying much.

Before the minute mark I'm starting to feel like this is a rip-off of a Nirvana song. I mean it may just be the vocal work but I'm getting major Nirvana vibes from this, the guitar-work even sounds similar.

Although I'll give this to Nirvana, they have written better songs than this. I mean, why have poetic lyrics when you can have "She f*cking hates me/ Trust she f*cking hates me/ La la la love" Alright, "Trust", why write that one word in there? To remove monotony? Well spoiler alert it didn't work, not because the lyrics are repeated a lot in the chorus, no but because there are only two times the lyrics are written. If it isn't for that reason, than why else? To shorten "Trust me"? Well that makes no sense. Also, "La la la love"? Really? you couldn't think of better lyrics to write than "La la la love"? I know La, la's are common to find in lyrics and they can work, but this is not one of those times, a time where it does work is "B.Y.O.B.", and I'm not saying that because I'm still bitter that this made number one alongside my favourite System of a Down song. The chorus ends with that by the way, making it pointless as well.

Have I mentioned that this is a break-up song, or at the very least, supposed to be one? Yeah, it's hard to guess </sarcasm>. The lyrics aren't as generic, but mostly feel woman bashing. I think the best lyrics are "She was queen for about an hour/ After that sh*t got sour/ She took all I ever had/ No sign of guilt/ No feeling bad" which, yeah I agree with Rocked Reviews, it makes Wes sound like a spoiled brat who had his mother take away his PlayStation as a form of punishment. The chorus doesn't help with that either, and the only way to not hear the song that way is to add context to the opening lyrics.

I'll admit the instrumentals get better as the song goes on, but they still have a Nirvana feel to them. I know that Nirvana was a large influence on modern rock, but that doesn't allow any group or artist to just rip the sound and copy it on their own. Marilyn Manson sounds nothing like Nine Inch Nails for a good example.

The music video is also hilarious, almost everybody in the video starts to randomly flip out and act as if they are having a stroke and a seizure at the same time.

Really, that is all there is to the song, Nirvana sound-alike instrumentals, lyrics that are similar to something other than what they are, a boring intro, a singer that sounds like a worse version of every rock singer from the time and clichéd lyrics, with a bafflingly bad music video.

This is not one of the worst songs of the decade, but it is a really bad song, and I'd like to remind you that this made number one alongside "Aerials". I'm the Entity of Darkness and, I'm glad this kind of music is behind us.

Auditory Abominations: "Someday" - Nickelback

Why did it take me this long to get to one of the most infamous bands in the world? Well barring the fact that this was one of the bands I just chose a song at random to review (Heads up there are plenty more ahead), I also don't think Nickelback is a bad band. I mean, I acknowledge they have flaws and bad songs, but I think a lot of bands have flaws and bad songs, and I think there are worse music artists than Nickelback. I'd much sooner go to a Nickelback concert than listen to Peter Cetera on record.

I originally wanted to talk about the song "Animals", but then I remembered my dislike for this and I decided to give it a listen to see if it is really as bad as I remember. The short answer is that yes, it is as bad as I remember it.

Have any of you heard "How You Remind Me"? the song that put Nickelback on the charts? I wouldn't say it's a terrible song but it kind of influenced them to the point where a few of their songs were majorly influenced by it, and when I say this is one of those songs, I mean the only difference is the lyrics. I hear that guitar and all I think is that it's a slightly faster version of "How You Remind Me" and how much I'd rather listen to that song.

The lyrics are alright until it gets to the chorus where Someday, Somehow he'll make it alright, but not right now, which is the biggest cop-out in a relationship aside from "I feel just too close to love you", oh I'll get to that one.

To me Nickelback is at their best when they embrace the hard rock sound that they don't actually suck at, I mean I like "Photograph", but it is mostly just because I have a soft spot for songs like it. I mean, "Side of a Bullet" and "Edge of a Revolution" aren't terrible songs and when you compare them to songs like "Far Away" sure they won't be pop chart successful, but "Far Away" is a terribly dull song that isn't helped by Chad Kroeger's sandpaper voice.

And honestly, Chad Kroeger is not the worst thing about this song. His voice sounds alright with the song and the matches the instrumentals, which is fine because it worked in that other song which I'm sure you're all tired of me comparing it to.

Nickelback may not be a band I dislike, but I still acknowledge they have bad songs, and this is just one of them. It doesn't even hide the fact that it "takes influence" from their first major hit, the lyrics are bad and the song itself is flavourless, even the most vile songs ever have some flavour to them, this has nothing.

I'm the Entity of Darkness and I'm done with abominations for now.