Ace Audio: "This Grill is Not a Home (Just a Greasy Spoon)" From SpongeBob SquarePants

No, I'm not joking, this is one of the better songs from SpongeBob, not my absolute favourite, but top five hands down.

However, that is not the reason I want to talk about this song, no I want to talk about this song because of something I brought the last time I reviewed a song from SpongeBob. Yes, I went on a little rant about why the song "I Can't Keep My Eyes Off of You (Oh, Baby)" from the episode To Love a Patty didn't work, and then it hit me, or I learned it by watching someone on the internet talk about it. SpongeBob always did songs like this.

Don't get me wrong, that song is still an awful abomination, but I made a mistake in that review, and I'm going to use this one to clear it, funny how fitting it is that I use the same show to fix a mistake, right?

So what was the mistake I made in that review? Well, here it is:
"I should also mention that this was apparently supposed to be a parody of a song from High School Musical, which doesn't work because that would require the audience member to A). Have seen High School Musical, and B). Have liked it enough to know all the songs. C). actually watch SpongeBob, and D). Actually dislikes that particular song to find this parody funny. I have never watched High School Musical, and I have no intents to, so if the audience doesn't get the reference than the parody is dead."

Yeah, I think now I'm going to start eating my words, I hear they make a nice addition to smoothies. So, what makes that sentence a mistake? Well, this song does, but what do I mean by that? Well, let's go through the list and take a listen to the song shall we?

So, I think that the first two are obvious as they are dependant on the other, and the third is also rather obvious since, uh-doi. So, what part of being a parody did this song get right where that one didn't? Yes, this song is a parody, of the song "A House is Not a Home" originally by Dionne Warwick in 1964, and also by Luther Vandross in 1981, I haven't heard either version before doing this review, but it's apparently how memories and the like can make a home become more and moving house can sometimes not feel right.

So, why does this parody work instead of the other awful parody? Well, first and foremost, the parody could actually work. Anybody who knows their music, or at least knows this song, might get a kick out of the parody and how they're using it for a similar meaning.

Which actually brings me to the big reason this song one-ups the other, this song actual serves a purpose to the story. The other song I covered took a lot away from the actual story and gave us a really annoying, not very entertaining song instead. This song on the other hand, actually does what a musical number should do, tell the emotional side of the scene with music and singing.

So, I guess ultimately the problem with the previous song had little to do with it being a bad parody. With that said, I think that this song also kind of proves why the other one is such an abomination. This episode came before To Love a Patty.

I also have to say, SpongeBob's and Mr. Krabs' voices are, although not perfect, still really good. They hit the keys they need and, since these are voice actors doing these roles, get the emotions down really well.

Surprisingly though I also like the lyrics. SpongeBob, now working at the Chum Bucket, feels sad since he loves working at the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs, likewise, hates the fact that SpongeBob isn't around, and the lyrics they sing really show their feelings. I'm not going to lie, this was one of two songs in this show that made me tear up as a kid, hell it almost makes me tear up now.

This song is the exact opposite of "I Can't Keep My Eyes Off of You (Oh, Baby)", as this one is a parody that works, actually adds to the story instead of takes away from it, is a good song on it's own, and doesn't have a scene of SpongeBob murdering a bunch of scallops to protect a sandwich.

Sorry that this wasn't a particularly big review, but I think it's important that if I make a mistake I should rectify it at some point, and honestly I felt like it should have been now. I won't be editing the other review, nor taking it down, that would kind of defeat the purpose of this review.

With that being said, next time will be a return to the songs that didn't originate from cartoons, so keep an eye out for that. I'm the Entity of Darkness, and next time will be nothing but GIRLS!

Auditory Abominations: "She Hates Me" - Puddle of Mudd

I believe I've stated before that mainstream rock was hit and miss in the 2000s. Although Nickelback is tolerable on some tracks and Hinder isn't terrible, Simple Plan is beyond whiny, Buckcherry is just musical smut, Limp Bizkit was a thing, Creed is a band I would rather forget about and then we have Puddle of Mudd. I've never heard of this band before Rocked Reviews talked about the album Come Clean. Immediately what stood out to me was the vocal work, You know how I said Austin Josh was my pick for least favourite vocalist? Well, Wes Scantlin may give him a run for his money. What was it about the raspy voice that was so big in mainstream rock? It doesn't make the singer sound tortured it makes the singer sound constipated.

Whatever, amazingly this wasn't a song I chose entirely at random, as this song topped the mainstream rock charts. Once again for the cheap seats, this song TOPPED the mainstream rock chart. You know what else topped the chart? a little known song called "Aerials", the exact same year. 2002 was the year Puddle of Mudd reached number one just under a month after System of a Down. Was this song worthy of that accolade? What do you think?

The opening riff is meh, it's strum-along twang that is just boring. I understand basic riffs, some of my favourite opening riffs are basic, "Back in Black", "Smoke on the Water" and "Iron Man" especially, but those riffs got me hooked on the song. That is something that a good riff does, get you hooked on the song before the song truly begins. Wes' opening vocals are like if Austin Josh and Kurt Cobain had a child, which is not the worst sound in the world, but still a clichéd one. This kind of voice was everywhere in rock at the time, Nickelback, Creed, Hinder etcetera. I guess it spawned off from the grunge scene with groups like Nirvana and Pearl Jam, but grunge is an off-shoot of punk with rough sounding instrumentals, mainstream rock is not a clean sounding genre. I guess you can qualify Nickelback as "post-grunge", but all of this? I give bands like Simple Plan and Buckcherry credit, they have vocalists that aren't annoyingly raspy, although with Simple Plan that isn't saying much.

Before the minute mark I'm starting to feel like this is a rip-off of a Nirvana song. I mean it may just be the vocal work but I'm getting major Nirvana vibes from this, the guitar-work even sounds similar.

Although I'll give this to Nirvana, they have written better songs than this. I mean, why have poetic lyrics when you can have "She f*cking hates me/ Trust she f*cking hates me/ La la la love" Alright, "Trust", why write that one word in there? To remove monotony? Well spoiler alert it didn't work, not because the lyrics are repeated a lot in the chorus, no but because there are only two times the lyrics are written. If it isn't for that reason, than why else? To shorten "Trust me"? Well that makes no sense. Also, "La la la love"? Really? you couldn't think of better lyrics to write than "La la la love"? I know La, la's are common to find in lyrics and they can work, but this is not one of those times, a time where it does work is "B.Y.O.B.", and I'm not saying that because I'm still bitter that this made number one alongside my favourite System of a Down song. The chorus ends with that by the way, making it pointless as well.

Have I mentioned that this is a break-up song, or at the very least, supposed to be one? Yeah, it's hard to guess </sarcasm>. The lyrics aren't as generic, but mostly feel woman bashing. I think the best lyrics are "She was queen for about an hour/ After that sh*t got sour/ She took all I ever had/ No sign of guilt/ No feeling bad" which, yeah I agree with Rocked Reviews, it makes Wes sound like a spoiled brat who had his mother take away his PlayStation as a form of punishment. The chorus doesn't help with that either, and the only way to not hear the song that way is to add context to the opening lyrics.

I'll admit the instrumentals get better as the song goes on, but they still have a Nirvana feel to them. I know that Nirvana was a large influence on modern rock, but that doesn't allow any group or artist to just rip the sound and copy it on their own. Marilyn Manson sounds nothing like Nine Inch Nails for a good example.

The music video is also hilarious, almost everybody in the video starts to randomly flip out and act as if they are having a stroke and a seizure at the same time.

Really, that is all there is to the song, Nirvana sound-alike instrumentals, lyrics that are similar to something other than what they are, a boring intro, a singer that sounds like a worse version of every rock singer from the time and clichéd lyrics, with a bafflingly bad music video.

This is not one of the worst songs of the decade, but it is a really bad song, and I'd like to remind you that this made number one alongside "Aerials". I'm the Entity of Darkness and, I'm glad this kind of music is behind us.

Auditory Abominations: "Satellite" - P.O.D.

Let's talk about mixing genres, such as rap and metal. This is not a new concept, in fact if you consider the old school 70s hard rock bands as heavy metal, than Aerosmith's "Walk This Way" is kind of the frontrunner to it all, and than we also had Anthrax doing their crossover with Public Enemy and other bands like Rage Against the Machine and Old school Linkin Park. The idea of mixing genres has always been around and it often creates some odd combinations, such as P.O.D.

P.O.D. is a Christian Rap Metal band with a touch of reggae. So this is technically the first religious abomination, but as I said when I reviewed the album, nothing is bad on it's own because of the fact that it is religious, there are some songs by religious groups that I actually like. I say this now as a statement to save my own behind because, I think P.O.D. is one of my least favourite metal bands, alongside groups like Skillet and a few Grindcore bands.

The song I chose is Satellite, which I don't think is their worst song, but was the only song I thought was worth remembering off of the album.

Immediately we are hit with drums and guitars and they don't sound bad, a little generic but not terrible, unfortunately the same cannot be said about the rapping, as it sounds ubber generic. In fact that is the problem with the song on it's own.

The whole song feels like one of those songs you'd have in a video game soundtrack that just kind of blends in with what's happening, but unlike something like "Pedal to the Metal", it wouldn't stick out and just be over when it stops, you know the ones that I'm talking about they plague a lot of racing games.

Really I think the biggest problem with the song isn't even the song itself. This was the sixth track on the album and it was the point where a lot of the songs and instrumentals especially, started to sound very similar and generic.

Really this song is just dull and boring. It offers nothing and the chorus is just repeating the song title, Because That Worked Out Well Before*

I think maybe I'll take another crack at this group at a later time, but right now I'm finished with Metal Abominations. What's Next?

God, Damn it all.

I'm the Entity of Darkness and I really hate the upcoming song.

*Each word is a separate link to click on!