Auditory Abominations: "Addicted" - Simple Plan

Hey, I've already talked about Simple Plan. Yeah, last year I reviewed the song "Untitled", which may just be home to the most generic set of lyrics I have ever heard. Well, see there is a reason I'm looking at Simple Plan again, and that reason is, "Untitled" is only one of their bad songs. I don't think I'm going to do another Simple Plan song after this, although "I'm Just a Kid" is also utterly terrible. The reason is that, "Untitled" is not the norm of bad Simple Plan, much like how "Glycerine" is not the norm of bad 90s music, "Untitled" was a completely different beast to slay than this. Although some of the main problems are still prevalent, the frontman is annoying and the instrumentals never get passed anything other than Meh, it has different problems than "Untitled" does. So, here is my second look at the worst band my country has ever spat out, opinion subject to change of course.

So, how does this song start? With what sounds like the bastardization of "Sweet Child O' Mine". This opening guitar riff sounds horrible and I feel like if it played on repeat it would cause a headache in two minutes. Aside from that, the frontman still sounds like a castrated Bob Dylan with a nasal cold, and the rest of the instrumentals don't really do much. However, that is not the worst part about the opening lyrics.

When they say "Addicted" they have to pause before they finish it, so essentially they are saying "I'm a dick, I'm addicted to you". Which is the worst pick-up line I have ever heard. I mean, "I want to know what love is", "Everything I do, I do it for you", "When I dream, I'm doing you all night", they all got nothing on "I'm a dick, I'm addicted to you", yes, I'm giving apologies to Foreigner, apparently you can sink lower than "I Want to Know What Love Is".

Okay, giving this song the benefit of the doubt in that this song might be a break-up song, no. You should not ever have say, "Hunny, I'm still a dick... Still addicted to you!" If I heard that, I'd cut all ties immediately.

The chorus itself tries to be sort of energized, but it just sounds the exact same as other Simple Plan songs. I mean, what is the difference between this song and "I'm Just a Kid", aside from the incredible line of "I'm a dick... I'm a addicted to you"? The chorus has many moments where the music pauses, and instead of putting emphasis on a specific line, they stop just to start as soon as the frontman begins again.

Also, the chorus makes me realize something I hate about break up songs, most of them are one sided. I get the idea that you only have your own thoughts on how and why the break up went, but I find that the best break up songs are not always the "I want you back" or the "I hope you die and rot alone where you belong" kind of songs, more a song like OutKast's "Ms. Jackson" which actually focuses more on the break up effecting other people within the family, and has some great lyrical contrast between Andre and Big Boy. Another good example is Gotye's "Somebody That I used to Know" as it actually focuses on the post break up, they are glad it's over, but he doesn't want to be cut out of her life. Also, Adele's "Someone Like You" which is a beautiful song about trying to move on, and they were all successful songs as well, each of them topping the Hot 100 in America.

Although comparing the songs success wise, this song peaked at number 45, so the general public all admits that these kinds of songs are not the best love songs either, but then you realize that this was the third single released from the band's debut album. This song, over a song that had one of the members of Good Charlotte that could have given you even more hits.

They chose a song that is at best an even lamer version of The Proclaimer's "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" which has it's charm and it's place in music history. You know what this song is at worst? A generic, par for the course Simple Plan song. I would much rather listen to Eamon's overly angry, rude and trying to hard too offend "F*ck It (I Don't Want You Back)" because even then that is a song that is about moving on, although one of the worst songs in that category.

I knocked out every problem with this song before the song even reached it's two minute mark. Thank whoever invented the pause button, and that is a true testament to a song's poor quality. You see, "Mr. Blobby" and "Starships" both got worse as they went on, "Swalla" and "Bawtidaba" both had so much lyrical problems that I could not end the review at just one minute of the song. A lot of the songs I cover I listen to entirely because they often change, get worse or just have such awful lyrics that I can't ignore them all. This song doesn't sound like it will change, and for three, almost four, minutes we get awful singing, bland instrumentals and a subject that has been before and since in different and more importantly better ways.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and next time I'm going to try something a bit different...

Auditory Abominations: "Someday" - Nickelback

Why did it take me this long to get to one of the most infamous bands in the world? Well barring the fact that this was one of the bands I just chose a song at random to review (Heads up there are plenty more ahead), I also don't think Nickelback is a bad band. I mean, I acknowledge they have flaws and bad songs, but I think a lot of bands have flaws and bad songs, and I think there are worse music artists than Nickelback. I'd much sooner go to a Nickelback concert than listen to Peter Cetera on record.

I originally wanted to talk about the song "Animals", but then I remembered my dislike for this and I decided to give it a listen to see if it is really as bad as I remember. The short answer is that yes, it is as bad as I remember it.

Have any of you heard "How You Remind Me"? the song that put Nickelback on the charts? I wouldn't say it's a terrible song but it kind of influenced them to the point where a few of their songs were majorly influenced by it, and when I say this is one of those songs, I mean the only difference is the lyrics. I hear that guitar and all I think is that it's a slightly faster version of "How You Remind Me" and how much I'd rather listen to that song.

The lyrics are alright until it gets to the chorus where Someday, Somehow he'll make it alright, but not right now, which is the biggest cop-out in a relationship aside from "I feel just too close to love you", oh I'll get to that one.

To me Nickelback is at their best when they embrace the hard rock sound that they don't actually suck at, I mean I like "Photograph", but it is mostly just because I have a soft spot for songs like it. I mean, "Side of a Bullet" and "Edge of a Revolution" aren't terrible songs and when you compare them to songs like "Far Away" sure they won't be pop chart successful, but "Far Away" is a terribly dull song that isn't helped by Chad Kroeger's sandpaper voice.

And honestly, Chad Kroeger is not the worst thing about this song. His voice sounds alright with the song and the matches the instrumentals, which is fine because it worked in that other song which I'm sure you're all tired of me comparing it to.

Nickelback may not be a band I dislike, but I still acknowledge they have bad songs, and this is just one of them. It doesn't even hide the fact that it "takes influence" from their first major hit, the lyrics are bad and the song itself is flavourless, even the most vile songs ever have some flavour to them, this has nothing.

I'm the Entity of Darkness and I'm done with abominations for now.

Auditory Abominations: "St. Anger" - Metallica

With my previous posts, I've been complaining about general pop music. Sure Pop music has some of my least favourite songs of any genre, but that isn't the entirety of it, so for this and the next two posts, I'm going to look at the worst that my favourite genre has to offer.

I don't think I really stated that I love Heavy Metal before, it is really a combination of the instrumentals and the lyrics. Often the lyrics are deep and have some meanings and the instrumentals have power and skill behind them and aren't just some faceless person on a keyboard making the rhythm. My dislike towards a lot of Pop Music, is not spawned from my love of Metal, but I won't say that it is helped by it either.

Now we are looking at one of the worst metal songs of all time, and I got to say, there is good reason for it to be called that. You can hear the problems of all the song at the beginning. Actually, you can hear every problem this song has at the start, such as Lars Ulrich's obnoxious use of cymbals and snares and how poorly structured the song is.

I'll get to the first problem later, but I really want to talk about the song's structure and flow. If you want to know how bad it is, the verses are usually fast paced with James Hetfield's raspy singing voice, the chorus does not sound like that at all, it is slow and calm, which does not seem to be the tone the song is going for since the lyrics describe a suicide and the music video takes place in a prison.

Also, while I'm on the subject, the lyrics don't do this song any favours either. If the repeat of the words "Flush it out" don't annoy you, I think you'll enjoy this song. Also "I'm Madly in Anger with you"? What does that even mean? It's like a whiny teenage emo kid wrote this song about his first break-up, which I doubt is the theme of this song.

Really, the song gives me nothing to grab on to. Like when I look at some of the best metal songs of all-time there is a meaning I can grab, such as System of a Down's "BYOB", talking about the middle eastern war, or Sabaton's "To Hell and Back", which focuses on the damaging effects of war on the people who fight it, or Metallica's "Master of Puppets" which is about drug abuse and how damaging it can be to one's psyche. I have no idea what this song is about, nor what it is even possibly about.

And yes, Lars' drumming is the worst part of this song. It sounds like he is drumming on kitchen pots and pot lids. It's even worse because I'm fairly certain that the drumming is above the actual music, so I can't tell if the guitar or bass work is actually solid or anything.

With some rewriting, and more bass drums than snares, I think this could be a decent track, not one of Metallica's best, but better than the song we actually got. It's a shame when a good band like Metallica gives us a song that feels rushed and broken. It's the equivalent of a jackhammer pounding in your ears. I'll give Chicago this, at least they didn't give me a headache like this song did.

But thankfully, no other amazing group as popular and long lasting as Metallica has given us anything worth calling an Auditory Abomination... well, except for maybe Megadeth.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and yes, next time will be a Megadeth song.