Auditory Abominations: "Ocean Avenue" - Yellowcard

Goodie, I get to talk about pop punk again. Despite how often the genre gets a bad rap, I honestly don't hate this genre, I like Blink-182, I don't mind Fall Out Boy, I don't hate songs like "The Middle" or "Sk8r Boi", so why does this genre get such hate? Well, because this is one of those "Play it safe" genres, those kind of genres that get you guaranteed success, but aren't really anything challenging, and being honest, nothing really memorable either. You know all those videos that are like "The 2000s summed up in one video" or "These song clips will bring back memories"? Those are filled with nu metal, rap metal, pop punk and the like because those genres plagued the early 2000s, you could not escape the mega giants of Good Charlotte or Limp Bizkit, I assume, I never listened to the radio as a kid because, why would I when I could turn on the TV and watch SpongeBob?

Anyway, most of the pop punk stuff has, done the barest of bare minimums, it showed up, people heard it, people liked it and now people hear it and go "Hey I remember that song!" and then go on to listen to whatever they were listening to before. This is the kind of song someone plays to poke fun of the 2000s, a pop punk "Play it safe" band that nobody outside of the teenagers actually liked, and the only reason they liked it was because it was played on every station at every hour. This is why I listen to Alt. Rock stations!

But why am I looking at this song in particular? Aren't there other worse pop punk songs I could look at? Yes, but this one is sticking out in my mind currently and I want to send this genre off with a swift kick goodbye, unless I decide to look at Good Charlotte.

The opening riff is short, I'll give it that, it wants to get to the song as quickly as possible, but it doesn't sound good, or talented at all. I hear the opening bit and it sounds like a warm-up, and not in the same way "Sweet Child O' Mine" was a warm up for Slash, more like a warm up for someone who hasn't played guitar before.

The largest problem with these "Play it safe" genres is that they really do sound all the same. Ryan Key sounds like most other pop punk frontmen, maybe a bit less nasally, but in general still the same. It also doesn't help when he puts emphasis on a word by dragging it out.

The instrumentals also don't really do this genre any justice, if anything they may be the biggest problem with "Play-it-safe" genres. The instrumentals of this song at least, sound better than they would for a band like Simple Plan, which isn't saying much.

The lyrics are also nothing special, I mean, they're nothing like "Addicted" or hell even "Untitled", they're just about a place the band members grew up. I think that is my biggest problem with the song, it is the very definition of "Play-it-safe", even if that wasn't the intention, it does absolutely nothing with itself, except for the chorus where the frontman is almost drowned out by the instrumentals.

Nothing about this song is "it's own" really. I mean, even a pop-tronic song like "Lights" I can still tell is it'w own song. Even awful Katy Perry songs are at least her own style of music. This is just, pop-punk for the void. It's made and thrown into the ether in hopes that it will find some popularity. I do not like songs or artists or labels that do this, for this is not what music is. I don't think this band is entirely like this one song, that would be dumb to think, but this song itself is just so bland and generic that I legitimately can't hate it, I can hate the things surrounding the song, but the song gives me so little that I can't even muster a strong negative emotion. So with all that said, can I really consider this music?

I'm seriously asking because, even "Mr. Blobby", which I don't even want to dignify as music, technically did give me a strong emotional connection, albeit a very strong negative one. Even "Chained to the Rhythm" at the very least, gave me some emotional connection, even if it wasn't a very strong one. As this song went on, I've lost emotion in it. This song sucks, but even than I can't say that because I can barely feel anything for this song. I have no feelings towards it.

That is something I've very rarely come across in a song before, so I think next time will be a song that did give me a strong reaction.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and let's forget this genre even existed, alright?

Ace Audio: "Upside Down & Inside Out" - OK Go

Or, why OK Go is more than just a group that makes awesome music videos.

Yeah, anybody who knows OK Go most likely knows them for they're utterly amazing music videos. I mean, when I eventually do my best music videos list, it will be a damn near impossible task to select one of their videos, and you can damn sure it will be top five. However, that is not the point of this review, I want to showcase why they are more than just guys who make amazing music videos, and are also good musicians.

Picking one of their songs was itself a challenge, I could've gone with "Here it Goes Again" as that was the video that got them famous. I could have picked "This Too Shall Pass", and I even thought about doing "Needing/Getting", but then there was this song, which was attached to one of the best music videos I've ever seen, and I thought that the video might be overshadowing the song.

So, I think the first thing I should say is that, the instrumentals are a weird techno-rock kind of style. I'm not talking about Daft Punk's Human After All where they included more rock elements, this is something entirely different and quite honestly, I like it. The opening instrumentals are very energetic and upbeat which is an immediate hook to any good song, really if you are bad at making an impression with your opening, or you completely change styles from your opening your song won't really go far, and this opening makes a nice impression.

The instrumentals do shift into a less energetic sound at some points in the song, but it's welcomed because the instrumentals themselves are always loud and upbeat. I think this is a good song to highlight something I don't like about a lot of songs, when they mistake being loud and obnoxious for being loud and upbeat. "Call on Me" had this very same issue, so what is the main difference? Something that is loud and obnoxious is just that, annoying and sometimes painful, and even though some upbeat songs can be annoying, it's never to the point where it physically hurts to listen to a song, "Call on Me" gives me a headache after just thirty seconds, "Mr. Blobby" and "Bananaphone" were both just annoying, with the latter song also being repetitive, and "Hello Kitty" was actually very close to giving me a headache with it's dubstep wub-noxious beat that took over the whole song.

"Upside Down & Inside Out" does not have either of those problems, even though, in some cases, it really should. Why does this song not give me a headache? Maybe because it doesn't sound like a drill going through my head nor like the song is causing my brain to vibrate uncomfortably. Why is this song not annoying? because, unlike "Mr. Blobby" or "Starships" when it does shift it's tempo and tone, it doesn't come out of nowhere and is actually a very welcomed change, the other two songs almost randomly switched into a completely different genre which makes it harder to really attach myself to those songs. Then we have the harder question to answer, why is this song not repetitive? Well, I think it is because, although the chorus is repeated a lot, each one is usually different from the last, take the ending part as an example, it begins slowly and then ends like any good upbeat song should, with a bang! Whereas in a song like "Bananaphone" the only change we got was changing a couple letters in the verse, which lost it's charm quickly.

I'd also like to talk about the lyrics, but I can't really find anything about this song. Wikipedia only has information about the music video, you know how I said the video was overshadowing the song? So, I'm going to give you what I think the song is, and honestly, it's not very easy to decide. A part of me thinks it's a break up song, maybe it's about making a personal change, maybe it's about being confused, or maybe it's about nothing at all. I don't really have much of a starting point to jump off from here. Although despite this, I do like some of the lyrics, especially this verse: "So when you met the new you/Were you scared?/Were you cold?/Were you kind?/Yeah when you met the new you/Did someone die inside?"

I wouldn't say this is my favourite OK Go song, it does lack some of the lyrical quality of a song like "Skyscrapers" or "The Writing's on the Wall", but I would say it's up there. It does a lot of things that usually annoy me in music, but in this case it actually does them correctly and not as badly as the songs I cover on the other part of my blog. I know that in the end OK Go is going to be known for their amazing music videos, but once the novelty of those fade, it's nice to know we're going to have good songs to go with them.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and next time is another look at the pop punk scene... hooray...

Auditory Abominations: "Girls" - Beastie Boys

"Awful song from an otherwise good artist" counter: 5
Yeah that's right, I'm keeping count now.

I think this is one of those songs that gets a free pass from people because "It's not meant to be taken seriously, it's silly, it's meant to be a joke" but I don't buy those excuses. This song sucks, and here are the reasons why.

For starters, that opening beat sounds like the theme tune to a children's game show got thrown into an NES and was mixed with "Axel F" after it went through the ZX Spectrum. It lasts for seven seconds but it becomes obnoxious at the first. Then it gets worse, the vocals kick in.

This song is sung by Ad-Rock and his voice is high and nasally, but I've heard worse. That is the thing, when you're talking about a song you hate from a band you love, or even just like, there is surprisingly little you can say on the topic of singers. However, I will say that the vocal work combined with the obnoxious beat make me about as happy as having an infected splinter on my foot.

Speaking of obnoxious the songs flow is just that. It's simple sing-speaking with a large emphasis on one word after every sentence. It becomes grating really fast and the word they put the most emphasis on, "Girls", because obviously.

It also makes the song sound repetitive, although it isn't. Still though, the fact is that the beat and flow are so bad that they make the only part of the song that isn't repetitive, sound like it is, that is some kind of feat that I'll give it credit for, I've never heard a song with that problem. I've also never seen a beached whale be mutilated by a fork lift until Family Guy so take that for what it's worth.

But okay, flow is one thing, how are the actual lyrics? Well, they are kind of split on my feelings towards them. The first bit is Ad-Rock talking about his love for women, and I get the same feeling from this bit of the song that I get from a song like "I Want to Know What Love Is", but that may just be me. The second bit is probably the best part of the song lyrically, he's talking about a woman whom he fancied, but she fancied MCA, and honestly, the only thing that ruins it again is the flow and beat. The final part is my least favourite, honestly if the song ended with the final line and how it was sung, sure the song would still be an abomination, but at least it would have ended on something high instead of this sexist group of lyrics.

I've heard that this song was not supposed to be taken seriously, which is fine, but that doesn't stop the song from being awful. If anything it actually makes it worse because when the artists don't take it seriously the song ends up becoming worse than it normally would. For a good example, Weird Al probably doesn't take his song super seriously, but what makes them funny is that he takes the music he makes seriously. It might sound like an oxymoronic statement, but you do have to take what you do seriously, even if you aren't supposed to take the song seriously, that is why I had trouble talking about "Bananaphone" as Raffi, even though made an annoying song, took the song seriously, or at least took it seriously while making it.

Honestly, I'd much rather listen to "Bananaphone" over this, that song was annoying but this was obnoxious. The beat pounded on my ears, the flow made the song worse, the lyrical quality is all over the place, this song is one of the worst to come out of the 1980s, and I completely forgot how awful this song was.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, jus... Just No!

Ace Audio: "This Grill is Not a Home (Just a Greasy Spoon)" From SpongeBob SquarePants

No, I'm not joking, this is one of the better songs from SpongeBob, not my absolute favourite, but top five hands down.

However, that is not the reason I want to talk about this song, no I want to talk about this song because of something I brought the last time I reviewed a song from SpongeBob. Yes, I went on a little rant about why the song "I Can't Keep My Eyes Off of You (Oh, Baby)" from the episode To Love a Patty didn't work, and then it hit me, or I learned it by watching someone on the internet talk about it. SpongeBob always did songs like this.

Don't get me wrong, that song is still an awful abomination, but I made a mistake in that review, and I'm going to use this one to clear it, funny how fitting it is that I use the same show to fix a mistake, right?

So what was the mistake I made in that review? Well, here it is:
"I should also mention that this was apparently supposed to be a parody of a song from High School Musical, which doesn't work because that would require the audience member to A). Have seen High School Musical, and B). Have liked it enough to know all the songs. C). actually watch SpongeBob, and D). Actually dislikes that particular song to find this parody funny. I have never watched High School Musical, and I have no intents to, so if the audience doesn't get the reference than the parody is dead."

Yeah, I think now I'm going to start eating my words, I hear they make a nice addition to smoothies. So, what makes that sentence a mistake? Well, this song does, but what do I mean by that? Well, let's go through the list and take a listen to the song shall we?

So, I think that the first two are obvious as they are dependant on the other, and the third is also rather obvious since, uh-doi. So, what part of being a parody did this song get right where that one didn't? Yes, this song is a parody, of the song "A House is Not a Home" originally by Dionne Warwick in 1964, and also by Luther Vandross in 1981, I haven't heard either version before doing this review, but it's apparently how memories and the like can make a home become more and moving house can sometimes not feel right.

So, why does this parody work instead of the other awful parody? Well, first and foremost, the parody could actually work. Anybody who knows their music, or at least knows this song, might get a kick out of the parody and how they're using it for a similar meaning.

Which actually brings me to the big reason this song one-ups the other, this song actual serves a purpose to the story. The other song I covered took a lot away from the actual story and gave us a really annoying, not very entertaining song instead. This song on the other hand, actually does what a musical number should do, tell the emotional side of the scene with music and singing.

So, I guess ultimately the problem with the previous song had little to do with it being a bad parody. With that said, I think that this song also kind of proves why the other one is such an abomination. This episode came before To Love a Patty.

I also have to say, SpongeBob's and Mr. Krabs' voices are, although not perfect, still really good. They hit the keys they need and, since these are voice actors doing these roles, get the emotions down really well.

Surprisingly though I also like the lyrics. SpongeBob, now working at the Chum Bucket, feels sad since he loves working at the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs, likewise, hates the fact that SpongeBob isn't around, and the lyrics they sing really show their feelings. I'm not going to lie, this was one of two songs in this show that made me tear up as a kid, hell it almost makes me tear up now.

This song is the exact opposite of "I Can't Keep My Eyes Off of You (Oh, Baby)", as this one is a parody that works, actually adds to the story instead of takes away from it, is a good song on it's own, and doesn't have a scene of SpongeBob murdering a bunch of scallops to protect a sandwich.

Sorry that this wasn't a particularly big review, but I think it's important that if I make a mistake I should rectify it at some point, and honestly I felt like it should have been now. I won't be editing the other review, nor taking it down, that would kind of defeat the purpose of this review.

With that being said, next time will be a return to the songs that didn't originate from cartoons, so keep an eye out for that. I'm the Entity of Darkness, and next time will be nothing but GIRLS!

Auditory Abominations: "Get Up and Boogie" / "Fly, Robin, Fly" - The Silver Convention

Well, the Ace Audio mini-marathon was fun, now it's time to go back to the awful stuff. You know how I said that the 1970s was the best decade for music? Well, there was a lot of crap in that decade as well, and quite honestly, I think these are two of the worst songs of the 1970s.

Now, normally if I did a blog where I reviewed multiple songs than I would go over the songs one after the other. However, that is not really possible here, not because the songs are the exact same, but they are Abominations for the exact same reason, and that is their lyrics.

I have said before that dance songs don't need the strongest lyrics, nor do they need any lyrics, but even then the lyrics can still completely ruin a song, whether they are repetitious, make no sense or are just not good lyrics. These songs have a new problem, they are too minimal, each song uses six words each and repeats them ad nausea.

But, this issue affects each song differently, so I may as well go into each song on it's own. I'll start with "Fly, Robin, Fly" because it is the better of those two.

This song begins with cymbal tapping, bass and piano. What do you expect, this is a disco tune, and although these instrumentals aren't awful, they are nothing special either, they aren't even that good for dancing. Compare this to something by the Bee Gees, now say what you want about the Bee Gees, but the instrumentals in their music has some funk to it, it's upbeat and easy to dance to. I know I keep talking about this, how songs are not easy to dance to, but that is a large problem because if the song itself is crap, and you can't dance to it, then what good is it?

But how does the lyrical problem effect this song? Well, it mostly just makes the song really boring. Even though they keep repeating the same phrase over and over again, it does not make this song sound any more exciting. I don't even know if this is supposed to be an empowerment anthem, I mean it would make sense, but with this lazy writing, it might be the worst empowerment anthem I've ever heard.

But now let's get to the worse of the two, "Get Up and Boogie", wow, that's a word that immediately dates this song. Let's add "Boogie" to the list of words that need to come back, alongside "Groovy", "Gnarly" and other surfer lingo.

So this one is obviously supposed to be a dance song, and it is one of the worst I've ever heard. Although the instrumentals are better in this song, as they actually sound like something I can dance too, not that I'd want to, it's two things that really kill this song.

The first thing is the vocals, I know live recordings sound different from studio ones, but seriously, these ladies sound like they themselves are bored with this song and are forcing any enthusiasm to make this song just a smidgen more interesting. They quite honestly had to try to make this song sound worse.

The other reason is song fails is, as you guessed, the lyrical content. Although, I will say that "Fly, Robin, Fly" actually sounds more complete. The lyrical content of this song sounds like they grabbed something off of ABBA's cutting room floor without reading it and questioning if the other seven-eighths of this song were necessary.

I've complained about songs that I didn't want to dance to, and I have said that usually, it's because of the instrumentals, but this is a rare case where it's actually the vocals and lyrics, because this song makes me want to turn it off and put on some classic rock and roll.

I stand by saying that the 70s were the best decade for music, it had practically everything from arena rock to singer-songwriter ballads to heavy metal to novelty hits. I'm not letting these songs ruin what makes the 1970s the best decade for music. These songs are minimal, boring and not really interesting at all. I personally don't care for them, it's songs like these that stain the reputation of past decades, remember the 70s gave us "More Than a Feeling" and "Stairway to Heaven", classic songs recognized by music lovers old and new, these songs however, I doubt many people truly remember these songs.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and I think my next review is going to be much more interesting.

Ace Audio: "Always Something There to Remind Me" - Naked Eyes

With my last post talking about two songs that really show the power of music, I thought it would be fitting to talk about a song that, while may not be a classic, really resonates with me on a personal level. I remember the first time I heard this song was when I got a compelation CD of 80's British classics from my step-dad, although it was not the last song on the disc, I usually stopped the CD after it.

Although the song begins with a fast percussion beat, it really starts with a nice ringing of bells and a musical style that accompanies this. This is interesting because the bells could be Church bells, signifying a wedding, a funearl or the passage of time, and neither are surprisingly the less cheery option as you will find as the song goes on.

Lyrically, the singer is remembering someone, most likely somebody he loved. Whether they just drifted apart or if worse happened, it's not clear, but what is clear is that the memory remains, in a sense she'll always be a part of him.

That is the part that resonates with me the most, and this is where the song becomes an Ace Audio for me. This is going to get a little personal.

You see, as a child I moved to three different schools, and I spent the longest time at the second one, that's where I met a lot of friends. Even though it has been literal years, possibly even a full decade since I've last seen them, I'm always going to remember them, my time with them has become mere memory to me, but they are very strong memories and I could never forget them.

I guess this song really brings forth the memories of my friends and the things we did. Although I have made more friends in the past, some of which may be stronger than my friends of childood, I can never let the memory go, and I personally don't want to.

This is what makes the song special to me, and I know that the point of the song is not what I ascribe to it, but that is what the song means to me, and isn't the interpretation of the listener just as valid as the interpretation of the writer?

To give you an idea of how personal this song is to me, it's currently in my top ten favourite songs of all time. To give you some perspective, "Tom Sawyer", "Bohemian Rhapsody", "Octavarium" and "Stairway to Heaven" are also in my top ten, they all rank higher than this song yes, but they are still in my personal favourite songs list.

That really goes to show the power that music has, it makes me remember things, feel things, learn things. Music is the mixture of writing, performace and audience centered art, and this is in my opinion, one of the songs that perfectly captures that. It is not a perfect song, hey, it might not even be a good song, but I would be lying if I said it isn't a personal favourite.

I'm te Entity of Darkness, and it's fitting that this is the end to my Ace Audio mini-marathon.