Auditory Abominations: "Twitch" - Bif Naked

And yet another song in the "Bad song from a good artists" category.

Bif Naked is a Canadian rock musician with some songs more rock like, such as "I Love Myself Today", and others a bit more pop punk, like "Tango shoes", and this one is definitely more pop punk, but that was not the deciding factor of this being my next blog review, which is especially great because I don't have to talk about pop punk in the 2000s yet. In fact this song has been on my list since I started doing these blogs, and since the last song I looked at had several major issues, this time I'm going to look at a song that really only has one major issue, but oh man is it a big one.

The opening guitar riff is very... Teenage pop punk style, it just sounds very I don't know, odd I guess, but hey if My Chemical Romance has taught us anything it's that opening riffs are not the be all and end all of a song, so hey maybe there could be some good in this song after all, right?

Bif also sounds very teenage on this track, which makes her sound very...
Gwen Stefani, who was actually around the same age as her when this song came out. Yeah, the song really sounds like teenage rock which would be fine, except that it sounds so, odd. I can describe it, it just has a weird overall sound to it. It's like Bif Naked here wanted to be an Avril Lavigne or other pop punk princess, when her best songs are usually the more rock sounding ones like "Moment of Weakness".

If that was the only problem with this song I probably would not review it, but the lyrics also are nothing to celebrate. The vocal performance is very clear so there is no issue hearing the lyrics, but the lyrics are mostly just Bif sing-talking, or talk-singing I guess, about her boyfriend, or something, right after she says things about this boy she immediately says that "He has a girlfriend/she is my toy!" but then the chorus states that she is the only one making him smile.

Since I'm still single, I don't really know the "it's complicated" feeling of love, but I don't think that's what she was going for. In all honesty, I don't know what she was going for, it's just her talk-singing about her boyfriend and that's it.

Oh and if you're wondering why the song is called twitch, it's because the chorus states "Sometimes he'll twitch for no reason/it's just a twitch and it's part of his style." I don't get it, I really don't get it.

I disliked this song when I first heard it, but when I was younger it just made me feel awkward, but now that I am actually analyzing this song, I find that I don't like the teenage rock sound, the lyrics that make little sense, the uninspired sounding pop punk instrumentals which sound like something a teenager would play as their second riff after "Smoke on the Water". I guess the teenage rock sound is part of the style of the song, but I honestly don't find it to appealing. If I want teen rock I'll listen to "Sk8er Boi", wow anybody else remember that song?

Oh well, I'm the Entity of Darkness and, I guess listen to a better song of hers, I really have nothing to end this on.

Auditory Abominations: "Crazy B*tch" - Buckcherry

Rock is a shifting style of music. It changes to the times and can be reflective of different scenes, such as the pop scene. Mainstream rock has made some great songs popular, but at the same time, it has had its low points as well. From Starship in the 1980s to Nickelback and Creed of the 2000s. It was these kinds of awful mainstream rock garbage that I made this blog for. Growing up in the 2000s was the heyday of this kind of rock music, so thankful that I never actually listened to the radio until late 2000s, early 2010s.

The song opens up with one of the most generic instrumental openings I've ever heard. You know where the band plays some notes, then stops and plays again and stops before the frontman makes a vocal noise? Yeah, that is the kind of opening we get, because it worked for Metallica. This one doesn't even give us any interesting riffs or beats, it's just notes, nothing, notes, nothing. Granted the actual opening riff is not terrible, but a decent riff means nothing on it's own. I've heard songs that have had amazing riffs from groups that blow Buckcherry out of the water, many of them probably simpler than this.

The song goes downhill, as if there was a bit of uphill at the beginning, it goes downward faster with frontman Josh Todd's voice, sounding like Steven Tyler drank essence of Bob Dylan, and those are two vocalists I actually like. Vocals are not a main issue with a song, but the vocals here do this song no favours at all.

The lyrics are just smut, no other ways of putting it, they are find a beautiful girl and take her to bed lyrics because that is what people want to hear, you know, screw themes such as war, drugs, racism, and other deep meaningful themes. Okay, in all seriousness, I have enjoyed songs that have less theme than this, and I do despise songs that have deeper theme, but come on, you're just writing the background music to a teenage romantic comedy.

The chorus is a wreck, the lyrics have swearing, pretty much for the sake of it. "X for the sake of X" is one of my most hated clichés in music and in film. If you want to use something, like profanity or stuff like that, use it for things like emphasis, not for reasons like this, and there is another song that I'll get to with the same issue. Granted, some good songs do have excessive swearing, but there is a point to songs like "F**K You" or "This is the new Sh*t", and not really much point in a lot of the swearing in this song.

The guitar work during the chorus also sounds familiar. "Dah, dah-dah"..., aren't those the first beats off of "Back in Black"? I'm sure these are common beats to use, but this guitar work sounds way to much like AC/DC to really make me think otherwise.

Really that is the whole song in a nutshell, smut lyrics and meh instrumentals, except for a guitar solo that has more feedback than the cursed VHS Tape from "The Ring". It's followed by a breakdown of repeating the song's title because we ran out of lyrics. Screw it Strong Bad, songs that do this are far worse than songs that go "La-la", "Na-na", "Doo-doo" or whatever, I can name good songs that have those, I don't think I can name a good song that just replaces lyrics with the song's title.

This song disgusts me, not so much on the "Love Me" level but really up there. This song is nothing but smut lyrics that are just looking to shock for the sake of shocking, but I'm not shocked, and quite frankly I'm not even offended, I am just disgusted that a song like this was thought to be okay.

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and next time, I want to do something special, very special. Next time will be our first venture into the wonderful world of musicals and show tunes. Where are the Steven Universe songs when I need them?