Auditory Abominations: "Call Me Maybe" - Carly Rae Jepsen

It's now or later. Honestly I'd much rather choose later.

I hate this song, despise it, loathe it, with the passion of every god of war summoned forth to wage war against every god of death. I hate it that much.

The whole song can really just be summed up as, "Oh look a cute guy, here's my number, call me!" That's it, that is the extent of the lyrical content, but then again I also like songs with just as shallow if not shallower lyrics, I mean "Lights" by Ellie Goulding is just about her having a fear of the dark, "Animal" by Neon Trees is kind of a love song at a rave and John Cage's "4'33" is literally silence, it is a piece of post-modernism that gives those snobs that pay thousands of dollars for someone painting a goddamn line on paper to talk about.

However what sets those three songs apart is that they all had some good quality about them, "Lights" is a pretty fun dance song and Ellie Goulding has a good voice, and "Animal" is also a good party song that also has good instrumentals. "Call Me Maybe" has neither of these qualities, it is not a good dance number because it does not sound naturally energetic, and I might not be a big fan of Dubstep, but I can give it this, by design it sounds naturally energetic.

When I say "Naturally Energetic" I mostly mean if the music itself sounds like there is energy behind it, some pop songs like "Safe and Sound" and "One More Time" are not perfect songs, but they have a form of energy that makes them fun party songs, where as a song "Roar" or "Come and Get it" not only don't sound like that, but they also don't have a good beat to dance to. I mean, how are you supposed to dance and have fun to a song that sounds like if Daft Punk was a group of pre-teen girls? Actually I take that back because if Daft Punk was a duo of pre-teen girls, that would sound better than this. What I'm saying is, I like Daft Punk, a lot.

Of course annoyingly generic beat aside what is also important to a song is the singer, some songs that could've been amazing like pretty much anything off of "Surrealistic Pillow" by Jefferson Airplane have been ruined because of the singer and Carly here is not a good singer. I mean, I have heard even worse singers like Peter Cetera, Scott Stapp, Katy Perry etcetera, and yes Carly Rae doesn't make my top ten list of worst singers, but she does not do this song any favours.

You know what she reminds me of, one of those Katy Perry wannabes and I'll get to one of them later, I have a list. Yeah, when a singer reminds me of one of my most hated artists, that is not a good sign.

I can just stand barely over a minute and a half of this song, and it made me feel like I had a lobotomy with a Spork and a pair of chopsticks. The fact that this song is three minutes is torture, and it really makes me wish I was in the 1950s when pop music was on average two minutes in length.

This song is just fluff and no real substance, and fluff is fine but there has to be something to hold on to because fluff doesn't hold on it's own very well.

And to top of the blasphemy, I got into a comment war over somebody who said that Carly Rae was a better music artist than Rush, you know the band that put Canadian music on the map, that Rush. Well, at the very least I only have one more pop princess to deal with and...
What? Chicago is fronted by a man?

I'm the Entity of Darkness, and next time I'm posting an album review on my other blog.

Auditory Abominations: "Rise" - Katy Perry

New blog, yeah! I thought that even though I enjoy listening to albums, I will run out eventually, plus listening to songs is just easier, so I have decided to just review songs I don't like. Welcome to Auditory Abominations, because Todd in the Shadows does not upload weekly.

To Start this blog series, I decided to look at the music artist I despise the most, Katy Perry. Katy Perry to me is the opposite of a music artist, nothing about her seems to be natural in anyway, her voice, her songs, her outfits, it's like she took a bunch of aspects from other, better artists and poorly sewed them on her own image. Of course, I will cover other songs by artists I don't like, such as Creed or Chicago, but I think it's wise to discuss why I don't like Katy Perry, and the song "Rise".

Now for all of those who want to hear the song I put it above so you can listen for yourself although sometimes I have no clue why you would want to. Also I should mention that it is okay if you like any of these songs, I am not here to judge you as a fan or person, just the song.

With that said, the song itself is just a slow Katy Perry song about, rising above the situation. A simple concept, but the execution of the song is the real problem. This isn't the best song to show Katy Perry's weaknesses, but this does showcase a good chunk of her worse problems, such as her voice. Katy Perry may have power and a presence with her voice, but that is nothing impressive. If you want a female singer that has vocal power, I recommend listening to "White Rabbit" by Jefferson Airplane or Heart's cover of "Stairway to Heaven". That actually is my biggest problem with a lot of pop music, it has to be restrained as safe to appeal to a mass audience, but it can't be to safe by hiding behind metaphors. So often pop music has no real defined sound, which is often why I prefer rock and metal myself, as those genres have defined sounds, it is not a metal song without showing off the strengths of the instrumentalists.

Katy Perry's "Vocal Power" is pretty much just singing a bit louder than before, I mean say what you will about Lady Gaga, but she actually has vocal power, which you can hear in a song like "Edge of Glory", so Katy Perry really doesn't have a whole lot of vocal power, which is fitting because Katy Perry is also a pretty boring singer. In this song especially, she sounds like she's tired and forcing a lot of her singing, which really means she should probably take a brief break from music.

The music itself doesn't help matters either, as it is a simple pop-tronic beat, you know one of those faux dubstep-ish beats that tries to be a dance beat, but is over shadowed by other, better dance songs like Ellie Goulding's "Lights", plus who the hell would dance to this slow, boring, dull, kind of downer of a song?

This is not my most hated Katy Perry Song but I think overall it's just a dull, boring mess of auto-tune and generic pop-tronic beats. However, I will give it this, this is not the worst song I've ever heard.

I'm the Entity of Darkness and this song sucks, the end.